Platitudes
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12-09-2016, 07:04 AM
Platitudes
plat·i·tude
ˈpladəˌt(y)o͞od/
noun
a remark or statement, especially one with a moral content, that has been used too often to be interesting or thoughtful.

What is it about death that turns so many into unthinking and unoriginal platitude machines?

Now that a few days have passed since the death of my mother-in-law the sympathies are coming in. To be fair many have been deeply moving and touching, a great number of them without the mention of celestial beings and mythical places but some just make me want to scream, “How old are you? Fucking four?”.

“Your mom is in now with your daddy”.

“It’s always hard to lose your mommy”.

“She is with the angels now”.


My wife is 51, I think she is well beyond “mommy and daddy”.


Chime in with your own tales of the ridiculous, it’ll give me something to roll my eyes at and keep me from thinking too much about the task currently at hand. Thanks.

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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12-09-2016, 07:10 AM
RE: Platitudes
At the funeral when theyre viewing the body and someone says that they "look good". Well, no not really. Its actually the worst they've ever looked since they're fuckin dead. And its only going to get worse from here. Get your stupid eyes checked, you dunce.
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12-09-2016, 07:22 AM
RE: Platitudes
(12-09-2016 07:04 AM)Full Circle Wrote:  plat·i·tude
ˈpladəˌt(y)o͞od/
noun
a remark or statement, especially one with a moral content, that has been used too often to be interesting or thoughtful.

What is it about death that turns so many into unthinking and unoriginal platitude machines?

No one really knows what to say or how to offer comfort, so they turn to the rote rituals.

Which is a shame, because it really shows that they haven't taken time to think through the nature of the pain or the various little or big ways they can help.

But it's also understandable that they avoid thinking about it. As far as phobias go, death is one of the biggest ones, to the point that it's not really a phobia so much as baseline humanity.
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12-09-2016, 07:25 AM
RE: Platitudes
Taking from TDW - My mother thought that the wakes held in our Catholic town were barbaric. She said she would be angry to know that people were looking at her in her casket and remarking on how good she looked - dead.

As for platitudes I think people resort to them because they don't know what else to say. The death of a loved on is an uncomfortable and sad time and some people think that painting the picture of a happy afterlife will help make it better.

Again, playing devil's advocate, people from the southern part of the US tend to use words like mama and daddy when referring to parents, often for their whole lives.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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12-09-2016, 08:26 AM
RE: Platitudes
I think people who know you well try to say whatever they think will make you, personally, feel better. Usually, they will ask what you need.

Acquaintances who don't know what you believe or what your relationship was to the deceased will fall back on the generic phrases - the things that are usually polite to say on this occasion -
or else send a card with platitudes on it.

The real cowards don't say anything at all, but avoid you for weeks after a death.
At least the ones who said something, however lame, were trying.

(After 10 years, I still miss my mommy, and I'm almost 70.)

If you pray to anything, you're prey to anything.
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12-09-2016, 08:35 AM
RE: Platitudes
I think death just really flusters people. They don't know how to talk about their feelings surrounding it, ergo the platitudes. It's exacerbated by the pressure of having to fit your thoughts on such a heavy event into the space of a greeting card.

I know it's not comparable, but a woman in my office found another job and is leaving at the end of this week. So a card went around and there I am wondering what the hell to write. I mean I DO wish her well, and I HAVE enjoyed working with her - but what is she supposed to get out of a card with 17 tweet-sized send-offs in it?

When someone dies their survivors are very emotionally raw and vulnerable. One certainly doesn't want to say the wrong thing, so familiar platitudes are sort of a shortcut.
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12-09-2016, 09:18 AM
RE: Platitudes
I think it just makes people uncomfortable so they fall back on what they know. It feels awkward and difficult to voice, and they want to say something more than "I'm so sorry for your loss". My mother makes what one person in our old Baptist church called "The Death Rolls". Homemade, even dough mixed from scratch, giant fluffy rolls to take to families when saying she's sorry, so that they can eat them with whatever else people have brought, because in addition to platitudes, people tend to give entrees when someone dies, but rarely thinks about anything to accompany it with.

(Mom was both bewildered and mildly upset when she found out they were called the Death Rolls. "I'd be happy make them for anyone who asked, they don't have to wait for someone to die to get some.")

Need to think of a witty signature.
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12-09-2016, 09:38 AM
RE: Platitudes
"He's in a better place now"....


HOLY FUCK!!

Where was he before????


Detroit????

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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12-09-2016, 10:09 AM
RE: Platitudes
Any time im at a funeral (which i avoid at all cost) i'll try to strike up a conversation about the person and something i enjoyed about them. I speak of them as if they're just on a holiday or something. Anything to get a laugh or smile. Funerals should be about the good times, in my opinion. I prefer to do my mourning in private or with really close friends and family. Public funerals are just fuckin weird and awkward.
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12-09-2016, 10:33 AM
RE: Platitudes
Funerals work for people who, either by cultural expectation or dramatic temperament, appreciate solemn ceremony. I prefer a neat, unannounced cremation, followed a week or so later by a memorial gathering. This would be a good opportunity for people to say whatever thy want to by way of closure, perhaps share memories or condolences, perhaps take away some memento the dead person would have liked them to keep.
The style of this party depends on the people involved: anything from afternoon tea in your best bonnet to a midnight pub-crawl might be appropriate.

If you pray to anything, you're prey to anything.
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