Please help.
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12-04-2016, 01:07 PM (This post was last modified: 12-04-2016 01:11 PM by Rebelgirl.)
Please help.
Ok, this is going to be lengthy but I need to get all this out there. If you have any advice or know of any orginazations that can help me then please let me know.

To start off, my family are penticostle/holiness. They have used their religion to abuse me and even tried to kill me. Obviously they didn't succeed but more on that in a bit. Also a bit of important info is that my mom works as a secretary with the District Attorney's(DA) office and is under 3 different DAs.

My grandmother used the "spare the rod" mentality to beat me and this helped contribute to my hearing impairment. She would box my ears often and this destroyed some nerve endings in my ear that caused tinnitus (ringing in the ears) that I started experiencing at the age of 3. She would also backhand me and I cant tell you how many busted lips I've had due to her. She also would beat me with a switch on my thighs which often left scratches and welts. She would use it for anything from actually misbehaving, talking back (i.e asking a question instead of just doing what she told me to do), to her just having a bad day and wanting to take it out on someone. I told my mom and she just ignored it or worse, told me to behave better so I wouldn't get a spanking. I told teachers as a child but they never did anything. A few even told me I was lying as they had grown up with my mom and/or knew my grandmother.

The abuse didn't stop there. My mom several times would refuse me medical care. This helped to contribute to my hearing loss. When I was 13 I got a bad sinus infection and she waited until a month later to take me to a doctor. The doctor wanted me to go to the hospital and I don't know what she told him but he gave a priscription to fight the illness. It didn't work, went back to the doctor, he prescribed a 2nd prescription and said that if that didn't work I'd have to go to the ICU. The second time worked but my hearing never came back fully. My family didn't believe me that I couldn't hear them and I was often punished for "not listening" and being disobediant. It wasn't until the school sent home a letter stating I had to see an audiologist or they would get CPS involved. Well, you guessed it, my hearing was damaged. I was 15 and now had to wear hearing aids to be able to hear somewhat normally.

It was at this age that I became an atheist. When I came out and told my family my mom and brother tried to kill me. They held me down and my mom got on my chest to try and smother me. I was able to get them off of me and called 911. The police came and as I was telling them what happened they had my mom right behind me (due to my hearing loss I cant hear very well behind me and it has to be loud like a siren for me to detect it) and she loudly kept inturupting me. The cops wouldn't do anything. I even asked to be taken to the ER because I was injured, they refused. My mom also told them that I was mentally ill and that I wasn't taking my meds, that they had been dealing with this for years and were going to put me in a mental institute.

I went to the social service worker at my school and told her what was going on and showed the lady the bruise my mom and brothers attack had left on my arm, as well as the knot I still had from where my brother slammed my head onto the concreate during the attack; and was told that I was lying and there was no help for me. I couldn't go into foster care. I had to wait until I was 18 to get out and apparently the bill of rights didn't apply to me until I hit 18 as well. I didn't have enough money to move out and I had nowhere and no one to help me. I couldn't join the army due to my hearing loss either.

I became severally depressed, I tried to kill myself twice. It took me 8 years to get out of that town and away from my family. But the story doesn't end there.

In May of 2013 I told my family that I was disowning them, and I wanted no futher contact or interaction from them. This resulted in harashment through calls and texts from my mother to the point I had to have the police call her and let her know to leave me alone twice. I also had to change my phone number several times.

She then had a "wellness check" preformed on me and this is how I think she got my address. I told the officer what was going on and even called the chief of police and made a report as to what she was doing. At this point I had 3 reports stating that she had been told by the cops to leave me alone and on each one she had agreed to do so.

Then in November she showed up at my door with one of the DAs that she was a secretary under. I told them to leave and they wouldn't. I shut the door and called the police for help because they were pounding on the door and I thought they were trying to break in. The apartment I lived in had only one door into and out of the apartment. The cops came, I told them what was happening, why I didn't want any more contact, told them that I had had to get them involved 3 other times. The officers wouldn't make her leave until I spoke with either my mom or the DA. I went back and forth with the officer to the point that I was ready to attack the officer but a neighbor who was outside stopped me and calmed me down a bit. I had to agree to speak to the DA who basically said I had to call her and let her know how I was doing so she could pass the info to my mom. She gave me her card. This resulted in me missing work and helped contribute to me losing my job.

I contacted the local battered women's shelter and spoke with them about getting a restraining order and they told me to wait as there wasn't enough yet to get a restraining order. I called a lawyer and spoke to them and was told that I could file on my own for a restraining order. They also told me to call my mom's boss and let him know what had happened and to hold onto the card that the DA gave me as evidence.

I went to the courthouse to file and was told I had to have a lawyer file for me and that it would cost $400 for the lawyer to file. I didn't have the money at that time as I had just lost my job and was soon going to be homeless.

I did call her boss and tell him what had happened, I wanted to file a complaint against both my mom and the DA who had come with her, and that I was looking into suing them as that was a misuse of tax dollars and they could not use government funds to keep tabs and harash me without a warrant. He wouldn't send me any paperwork to sign so the complaint to be filed but he did say that it wouldn't happen again and he also apologized to me.

Several months later I ended up seeing the landlady from my apartment and she asked if my mom had gotten ahold of me. I asked her what she was talking about and she told my mom was still trying to get in contact with me.

Due to the abuse, neglect, and stalking I'm physically and mentally disabled. I'm seeking treatment and have been in thereapy for the last 3 years. I just found out last month that I was disabled. Is there anyone I can contact about getting justice for this? Thanks in advance for any advice you guys give me.
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12-04-2016, 01:30 PM
RE: Please help.
Gasp Damn Girl! I'm so sorry to hear what sounds like you've been threw much more then anyone could bare.

Hope the consoling is helping.

I wish I could give legal advise. But unforcantly I'm a complete idiot when it comes to that sort of thing.

Hug

Don't Live each day like it's your last. Live each day like you have 541 days after that one where every choice you make will have lasting implications to you and the world around you. ~ Tim Minchin
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12-04-2016, 01:40 PM
RE: Please help.
That's one of the most horrible tales I've heard. I have no idea on how you can proceed from here. Is there anyway you could just keep a professional distance to your mother?

I'm thinking if you could have her call instead of her showing up. And not go very much in detail in your answering her questions. It might end up in the "relationship" petering out on its own. It seems to me she react heavily on confrontation, so perhaps try to minimize that.

I don't know how the systems work in the US as I'm not American. But it seems to be you have been failed on so many levels that you might be on your own in this. But I hope someone else have some good ideas to help you.

Anyways, welcome to the forum.

And *Huuuuuuugs*
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12-04-2016, 07:21 PM
RE: Please help.
As for justice, can you get restraining orders?
The best thing I can think of is to leave the state completely- call shelters out of state, call abuse hotlines and get out of the state. If you are considered disabled, look into the various states you will consider and compare the benefits for disabled people there- states vary greatly on what they offer people, and how good their services are. There are both federal programs and state programs. If you can get SSI, it may take many years to get it, but it will help you the rest of your life so it is worth trying.

Eventually, if you get services you will have a few people on your side who will be able to be supportive of you, like a case manager, workers, and so on. Document everything- any injury, any confrontation , record harassing phone calls, and keep a log about any time they bother you. Although at the moment people may not believe you, the more proof you have the more they will haver to believe you. Also never fight or yell back- be the sane and stable one during a confrontation if you have a little handheld recorder, you can record the situations- and play it back for the police. The more times you report it, and the more people around you who know what is happening, the better off you will be.
Also, even though it is hard, everything you can to be above reproach in your daily life- live so carefully that you always give a very good impression, never drink too much, be super reliable and careful, all the time. Keep your apartment super tidy, keep great work habits, just do everything you can so that people would never suspect you to be the problem. Then, if something happens, they would be more likely to trust your word. The better you live, the more that the police and the people who witness these confrontations will stick up for you and trust you. You need to totally surround yourself with support and people who believe in you and trust you, and the only way to do that is to be crazy careful of impressions you make- it is so unfair, but it may work.

I had a crazy mom, and I used to help people who were on disability...if you come across as the well-adjusted, calm person, the police will treat you so much better.

The biology of mind bridges the sciences - concerned with the natural world - and the humanities - concerned with the meaning of human experience. Eric Kandel
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12-04-2016, 07:59 PM
RE: Please help.
Good luck with your situation. Something that occurs to me is that the hearing issue makes it really difficult to overcome the abusive people. This is common with the hearing impaired. The enunciation of words makes "normal" people think of retardation or other mental problems. Don't get me wrong, I'm in your corner, but unless you get the right kind of advocate in your corner, this is probably going to continue.
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12-04-2016, 08:31 PM
RE: Please help.
Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug
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12-04-2016, 08:58 PM
RE: Please help.
I don't know where you live. How can I advise you? Are you in Saudi Arabia?

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
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12-04-2016, 10:16 PM
RE: Please help.
my best advice would be to move away. Cut off all contact. Change your phone number. Don't tell anyone where you're going to. I have personal experience trying to escape from shitty abusive parents/family. If nothing else works, cutting toxic people out of your life is a good option IMO.

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13-04-2016, 09:36 AM
RE: Please help.
(12-04-2016 08:58 PM)Banjo Wrote:  I don't know where you live. How can I advise you? Are you in Saudi Arabia?

In the US. I'm trying to find out if there is any legal help that I can get.
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13-04-2016, 09:48 AM
RE: Please help.
(13-04-2016 09:36 AM)Rebelgirl Wrote:  
(12-04-2016 08:58 PM)Banjo Wrote:  I don't know where you live. How can I advise you? Are you in Saudi Arabia?

In the US. I'm trying to find out if there is any legal help that I can get.

Yes; it's called a restraining order.

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