Please tell me what's wrong with this picture.
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17-06-2013, 11:37 AM (This post was last modified: 17-06-2013 11:41 AM by Ferdinand.)
Exclamation Please tell me what's wrong with this picture.
So I'm 17 and my mom is on welfare (Housing, Foodstamps.) Since I was 16, I've been dying to have a job, and typically a lot of teenagers aren't going to desperately want a job; but then again, a lot of teenagers aren't going to have to beg their parents to let them even get a job. My mom won't let me get one for the fact that if the Housing Department is shown I'm receiving income (taxes taken out), they'll cut back on what they give us.

I just don't see how it's very fair to me when I want a job for several reasons. I could work to pay on my own school fees, which my mom struggles with sometimes. I could work to pay for school trips, which my mom can't afford. I'd be able to save and pay for my own miscellaneous funds (hair cuts, clothes, entertainment.) Everything would help her out financially. I could also learn how to manage my money independently. I think part of having a part time job as a teen is to get a taste of managing the money you earn, and I'm completely excluded from that experience. I'm less than a year away from graduating, and I have no job experience whatsoever, and that scares me. I didn't know it was a crime to want to do something productive with your spare time.

I also do not have a car yet, because my mom cannot afford one. I can't even begin to save up for a car until I graduate- which means I'll have to start college a year late because I won't have transportation.

I've brought it up to my mom several times and it always turns into a big argument about how I can wait until after I graduate to get my first job (Did I mention I've applied for places, received calls back, and she still refused to let me get the job?) I mentioned moving out with a friend immediately after graduation, because I can either live with a family friend (who would give me time to job hunt if I didn't have a job already- which I won't), or move in with my best friend because her family will be moving out (her dad will require us to pay portion of the rent and bills.) Regardless of whether or not I have a job (having one would be more sufficient) I want to move. She flipped and started saying that I'm not allowed to move out unless it's under her approval and I have a job. Therefore saying I won't be able to, because she won't let me get a job.

I'll be 18, and not to sound snooty, but I think I can do what I want when I graduate, and she can't really keep me here if I find a reliable place to go- no matter her opinion on where, or who, I'm living with. How am I supposed to gain her approval to move when I can't even graduate having a job, because she won't let me get a job? I don't think she should have as much of a controlling say as she does, but she's the adult, and whenever I graduate I'm stuck with the war to leave this house.
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17-06-2013, 11:59 AM
RE: Please tell me what's wrong with this picture.
Is her ONLY reason because of the numbers reported to the state? Right now the funds she receives supports the FAMILY...both of you, if your working significantly cuts that but the funds are only to support YOU, then depending on what the state does, it could really screw the FAMILY over.

There may be safety or logistics or fears that your studies will suffer or by not having such close tabs on you that you will be distracted away from your studies. Moms have LOTS of worries when it comes to their kids, maybe a talk about it when you BOTH have cool heads and time to discuss yours AND her reasons is the way to go.

ETA: not having a job by the time you graduate isn't the be all/end all.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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17-06-2013, 12:03 PM
RE: Please tell me what's wrong with this picture.
I am missing the connection between having a car and attending college??? You can attend college without a car. I did for 5 years. Live on campus or take the bus or find someone to commute with.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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17-06-2013, 12:16 PM
RE: Please tell me what's wrong with this picture.
(17-06-2013 12:03 PM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  I am missing the connection between having a car and attending college??? You can attend college without a car. I did for 5 years. Live on campus or take the bus or find someone to commute with.

Where I live, the closest community college is about 30 minutes (includes traffic time) away. Transportation would make things a lot more convenient, and I'm not really fond of the idea of dorms, especially the dorms here.

I just want to be able to do something for myself for once. The family consists of me, my mom and my little sister. She can't expect to me never work, or never want to move out, just because it'd bump her funds around a little. Whenever I leave, she'll have to adjust her funds. She'll be providing for one less being, and that may make things easier than she realizes.
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17-06-2013, 12:31 PM
RE: Please tell me what's wrong with this picture.
(17-06-2013 12:16 PM)Ferdinand Wrote:  and I'm not really fond of the idea of dorms, especially the dorms here.

HA HA no one is--ever. But it gets you out of the house and close to class and no need to bother with transportation. Needs vs Wants.


Quote: She'll be providing for one less being, and that may make things easier than she realizes.

Or it could drop her into a lower benefits category which means she doesn't receive as much in housing and food support, it could mean she and your little sister would have to move or other changes that will disrupt your little sister in a negative way.

That's why you need to have a calm talk with her, listen to what she has to say and do it at a time when she isn't already frazzled and exhausted. Tell her you want to hear her reasons and figure out something that can make you both happy.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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17-06-2013, 01:01 PM
RE: Please tell me what's wrong with this picture.
Under the table job?
Cutting people's lawns or doing some old peoples gardening etc.. jobs like that tend to be cash in hand, aka no taxes, which would mean you get a bit of money and it keeps your mother happy.
Plus, don't get a car, waste of money.

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17-06-2013, 01:21 PM
RE: Please tell me what's wrong with this picture.
(17-06-2013 12:31 PM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  That's why you need to have a calm talk with her, listen to what she has to say and do it at a time when she isn't already frazzled and exhausted. Tell her you want to hear her reasons and figure out something that can make you both happy.

I wish a calm talk was such a thing to have with someone so tempermatic. I want to hit the ground running with a little employment experience, and an idea of being a little independent. I don't want to feel like I always have to stay here. It's inevitable that one day, I am going to move out as an adult. She refuses to see it that way. We might as well figure out the finances now so we're prepared, and we can expect the financial change when I leave.

(17-06-2013 01:01 PM)earmuffs Wrote:  Under the table job?
Cutting people's lawns or doing some old peoples gardening etc.. jobs like that tend to be cash in hand, aka no taxes, which would mean you get a bit of money and it keeps your mother happy.
Plus, don't get a car, waste of money.

It's hard to find jobs like that. I've tried babysitting, but not a lot of people come around looking for a babysitter. I'd like to have a car though. I have a license but I can't even drive. I would just like to hit the ground running, instead of feeling clueless.

I want a job, my own paycheck, and a car I can take care of and manage gas into. Even if I hate the independence when I grow up. I'm tired of being kept away from the lessons I want to learn.
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17-06-2013, 02:28 PM
RE: Please tell me what's wrong with this picture.
(17-06-2013 12:16 PM)Ferdinand Wrote:  
(17-06-2013 12:03 PM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  I am missing the connection between having a car and attending college??? You can attend college without a car. I did for 5 years. Live on campus or take the bus or find someone to commute with.

Where I live, the closest community college is about 30 minutes (includes traffic time) away. Transportation would make things a lot more convenient, and I'm not really fond of the idea of dorms, especially the dorms here.

I just want to be able to do something for myself for once. The family consists of me, my mom and my little sister. She can't expect to me never work, or never want to move out, just because it'd bump her funds around a little. Whenever I leave, she'll have to adjust her funds. She'll be providing for one less being, and that may make things easier than she realizes.

Many community colleges offer "shuttle services" for people. Some are even free, you just need to find where the shuttle stops.

The community college my son will go to, is around 4 miles from our house, that equates to 90 minutes on three buses! Or he can take one bus to where the shuttle is and be at school in 30 minutes.

He can buy his own car when he can afford the insurance, gas and upkeep on one. It's a lot more than you think


God is a concept by which we measure our pain -- John Lennon

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17-06-2013, 02:30 PM
RE: Please tell me what's wrong with this picture.
(17-06-2013 02:28 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  
(17-06-2013 12:16 PM)Ferdinand Wrote:  Where I live, the closest community college is about 30 minutes (includes traffic time) away. Transportation would make things a lot more convenient, and I'm not really fond of the idea of dorms, especially the dorms here.

I just want to be able to do something for myself for once. The family consists of me, my mom and my little sister. She can't expect to me never work, or never want to move out, just because it'd bump her funds around a little. Whenever I leave, she'll have to adjust her funds. She'll be providing for one less being, and that may make things easier than she realizes.

Many community colleges offer "shuttle services" for people. Some are even free, you just need to find where the shuttle stops.

The community college my son will go to, is around 4 miles from our house, that equates to 90 minutes on three buses! Or he can take one bus to where the shuttle is and be at school in 30 minutes.

He can buy his own car when he can afford the insurance, gas and upkeep on one. It's a lot more than you think

Could he bike? I know some communities are more bike friendly than others but 4 miles seems like a perfect bicycle or moped commute distance.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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17-06-2013, 02:39 PM
RE: Please tell me what's wrong with this picture.
I wouldn't be able to bike for the fact I have to drive the interstate to get to any nearby community schools. I live 15 minutes away from the border of Georgia.
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