Political Insight: Set Me Straight
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10-07-2013, 04:30 AM
Political Insight: Set Me Straight
THE FOLLOWING PERTAINS EXCLUSIVELY TO AMERICAN AUDIENCES. I LIVE IN AMERICA AND AS A DUMBASSED AMERICAN, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR WHAT'S GOING ON IN THE REST OF THE WORLD. ALL THINGS IN DUE TIME.



I'll be honest: I know absolutely fuck-all about politics. When two white-haired guys in business suits sit down at a table on TV and start talking to one another about G.O.Ps and "fiscal cliffs" and "teaparty rallies" and that god-awful "Obamacare", I completely zone out. They might as well be speaking about the Greek language, in the Greek language, and I'm just sitting there like "wtf".

Up until recently, I was ok with this. Politics annoy me. Thus far, my personal motto has been - and will certainly continue to be - "Man is not fit to lead man, for both men are inherently fallible". True words. But while politics may be a laughable attempt on the part of Man to lead itself succsessfully, I find myself faced more and more with the realities of political discourse. I have those in my life who occupy all ends of the spectrum, and more often than not, a political discussion will soon arise. The problem with this is that I have no idea what anyone is talking about. Again, people start bringing up all these politically-savy words and I'm like Blink I love rich debate about controversial topics, but when it comes to politics, I have absolutely no idea what people are talking about, and I'd like to. I'd like to be able to chime in about politics the way I chime in about religion. I know a lot about religion. Right down to how certain religious people think. At the risk of sounding conceited, I can fuckin' dominate the hell out of a religious conversation. But this is not the case with politics. Until this point, I've intentionally distanced myself from this topic because I just think it's all bullshit, and even now I feel a measure of reserve in even asking these questions. But they're things I'd like to know.

1) What the fuck is a "liberal"? When I think "liberal", I immediately hear the voice of Rush Limbaugh spouting "liberal media!" or "liberal agenda!" in between big, sloppy bites of his tenderloin steak. I think a pale, wormy guy with glasses driving his Prius with "Obama/Biden 2012" and "Coexist" bumper stickers all over it. If I ask my dad, I will (literally) hear that "Liberalism is socialism. It is worship of the government. They want to eliminate good, Christian beliefs in this country so that the government is the only religion left, and they want to take our guns so we can't revolt against it. Then we become slaves to them. The nigs will get to have their obamaphones and abortions paid for by OUR tax dollars, and they want to rule us as communists. It truly is the most evil mindset a person can have."

But, surely, this man can't be right. After all, I've personally witnessed his transformation from an easy-going father to a die-hard follower of all things right-wing in just the past year and a half. He knew absolutely nothing about politics before (save for its history, but certainly not its function), and he now gets the ENTIRETY of his political information from Mr. "Global warming is a myth! *Yummy steak nom nom nom*" and "Tide goes in, tide goes out; you can't explain that". So while I may not know a thing about so-called "Liberalism", I'm quite sure it's not as he describes. By his logic, Obama is a cloaked villain with an evil mustache who does bad things for no other reason than because "Muahahaha". Surely that can't be reality, can it?

2) What the fuck is a "conservative"? Perhaps this is because I'm more in tune with religion than I am politics, but when I think "conservative", I immediately think "Gawd, country and guns". I think a fat, (always) white guy with a bushy beard on his chin and a double-barreled shotgun over his shoulder and a bible in his hand. I think a guy who hates queers and loves guns and almighty Gawd. A guy who doesn't want a "stinkin' nigger" in the whitehouse not because of his policies, but simply because he's a nigger. A guy who reads his bible every day and beats his kids with it when they misbehave. A guy who, as opposed to a liberal (from the word "liberation", meaning "freedom"), wants things to stay on lockdown, exactly as they are, because "that's how the got-damn founding fathers wanted it, dammit".

But, surely, I can't be entirely correct in this. I know there exist perfectly reasonable, right-wing atheists who want social freedom just as much as any other rational person. (I think they'd call that "libertarian", but I guess I'll learn that too) Surely not every conservative individual loves guns and Gawd and hates queers and niggers in the whitehouse. So...what the fuck is a conservative?

Amidst all of this bullshit, where do I stand? I love my guns. I'll admit it. Many people despise that I own what they would call a "military-style assault rifle", but I love my guns. You will have to pry them from my cold, dead fingers, yes, but not because they're tradition. Rather, it's because I wouldn't go down without a fight in ANY situation, and if I happen to have a gun on me at the time, you're gonna have to kill me before I give myself over to you. This would be the case in any situation with ANY weapon; it's just that guns happen to be the most effective against an attacker and they're readily available to me. Plus, I love the way they look (is it wrong that a weapon of malice has made me sexually aroused?) and I like that they go "BOOM". There's a reason, after all, that every young, dumb guy plays first-person-shooter videogames...and it's not so they can get a high score.

With that said, I show nothing but support for the "queers" and believe fully that they have every right to be together and get married and rail each other in the ass - or whatever it is those fine folks do. Hell, tape it and send it to Fox News; I'd love to see them squirm when they see such an abomination to their Lord. It'll be good times.

However, I also like a big, juicy steak, and no tree-huggin' liberal is gonna make me stop eating it. I have teeth for eating steak. I have the means to eat steak. I LOVE eating steak. I'm gonna eat a fuckin' steak. Get over it.

Then again, I don't believe God gave me dominion over the creatures of the Earth so that I could eat them. God doesn't exist. He never did. Not even when I believed in him. So the only time you will ever see me gripping a bible is when I'm using it to show a deluded, empty-headed believer why they're fucking WRONG about so and so and such and such. (Your god clearly states that the dead are conscious of nothing. This eliminates your prospect of Heaven and Hell. Unless you want to call your god a liar, I suggest you get the fuck over it)

When it comes to how I live my life, I'm apparently a barrel of political contradictions. But the label is not what concerns me the most. What concerns me is being able to make a valid and sound argument for or against a certain political notion or party if and when the opportunity arises. I want to know how to defend myself against the compulsive liars which occupy the left (such is the case if you ask a conservative), and I'd like equally to defend myself against the compulsive liars which occupy the right (such is the case if you ask a liberal).

So, tell me what it's all about, Alfie. Tell me who's doing what in the political sphere and why. Tell me what defines these parties (and the others I've failed to mention, if at all possible) and tell me what the ramifications of their decisions in this world are, and how it pertains to the overall political world. I'm tired of being the only one in the room who knows fuck-all about what's actually going on in this country.



Also, this is completely unrelated, but I got my nipples pierced. Chas, you're welcome to play with them any time you want. Just throwin' that out there. *Chugs another beer*

Through profound pain comes profound knowledge.
Ridi, Pagliaccio, sul tuo amore infranto! Ridi del duol, che t'avvelena il cor!
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10-07-2013, 06:36 AM
RE: Political Insight: Set Me Straight
Just tick the little box next to Democrats every 3 or 4 years (however long you have between elections).
That's all you need to know about American politics.

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10-07-2013, 07:09 AM
RE: Political Insight: Set Me Straight
here's a quickie quiz.
political quiz.

It identified me as a Post Modern. (middle of the road on political spectrum).


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10-07-2013, 07:26 AM
RE: Political Insight: Set Me Straight
(10-07-2013 07:09 AM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  here's a quickie quiz.
political quiz.

It identified me as a Post Modern. (middle of the road on political spectrum).

Haha, I am apparently a solid liberal.

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10-07-2013, 07:26 AM
RE: Political Insight: Set Me Straight
(10-07-2013 06:36 AM)earmuffs Wrote:  Just tick the little box next to Democrats every 3 or 4 years (however long you have between elections).
That's all you need to know about American politics.

Are you saying that the Democrats are better or worse for America?

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10-07-2013, 07:27 AM
RE: Political Insight: Set Me Straight
I'm saying the Democrats are less worse then the Republicans for America.

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10-07-2013, 07:31 AM
RE: Political Insight: Set Me Straight
(10-07-2013 07:27 AM)earmuffs Wrote:  I'm saying the Democrats are less worse then the Republicans for America.

Hm... Based on the past few elections, I'd say they are the best America can muster right now.

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10-07-2013, 07:33 AM
RE: Political Insight: Set Me Straight
I'm evidently a Post Modern.

" Generally speaking, the errors in religion are dangerous; those in philosophy only ridiculous."
David Hume
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10-07-2013, 07:36 AM
RE: Political Insight: Set Me Straight
(10-07-2013 07:26 AM)Logica Humano Wrote:  
(10-07-2013 07:09 AM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  here's a quickie quiz.
political quiz.

It identified me as a Post Modern. (middle of the road on political spectrum).

Haha, I am apparently a solid liberal.

Typically I lean more liberal. Some of those questions - it didn't seem like the options were opposite views-just completely different views, and didn't fit me at all. Maybe it was just the way I understood it.


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10-07-2013, 08:07 AM
RE: Political Insight: Set Me Straight
(10-07-2013 07:31 AM)Logica Humano Wrote:  
(10-07-2013 07:27 AM)earmuffs Wrote:  I'm saying the Democrats are less worse then the Republicans for America.

Hm... Based on the past few elections, I'd say they are the best America can muster right now.

No..
The best America can muster right now is me.
The Democrats are the best America will muster right now.

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