Polyamory
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01-12-2013, 01:41 PM
RE: Polyamory
(01-12-2013 01:34 PM)Boysurroundedbymoms Wrote:  Then such is life, and I hope that if it goes down that way, the girl will have enough sense to break it off with the first guy if she is not happy with him anymore.

I don't mind if my partner has sex with other people. In fact, I told her this when we started going out. I said "Look, you know, you can have sex with other guys, I don't mind, but just be sure to tell me about it before you do so. And if you fall in love with him, and out of love with me, then break up with me."

I don't care what she does, it isn't harming me as long as she is safe while she does it. Plus, she said she wouldn't, and I said I wouldn't, so if she does do it, then I can dump her ass faster than the Flash could run around the world.

It's cheating if your partner is not aware of what you are doing, nor has given consent to it.

Well, I never talked about cheating. I just wonder how it is possible. I mean, confidence is very important in a relationship. If your girlfriend has sex with other people (which, by the way, is not polyamory) doesn't that mean that you are not enough for her? That's how I would feel at least.

We've made these things clear with my boyfriend, we're both monogamous and we have agreed that we won't cheat on each other, but if we feel the need to have sex with someone else we will talk about it and if we fall in love with someone else we will let the other person know and end the relationship before doing anything.

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01-12-2013, 01:46 PM (This post was last modified: 01-12-2013 01:56 PM by Boysurroundedbymoms.)
RE: Polyamory
(01-12-2013 01:41 PM)undergroundp Wrote:  
(01-12-2013 01:34 PM)Boysurroundedbymoms Wrote:  Then such is life, and I hope that if it goes down that way, the girl will have enough sense to break it off with the first guy if she is not happy with him anymore.

I don't mind if my partner has sex with other people. In fact, I told her this when we started going out. I said "Look, you know, you can have sex with other guys, I don't mind, but just be sure to tell me about it before you do so. And if you fall in love with him, and out of love with me, then break up with me."

I don't care what she does, it isn't harming me as long as she is safe while she does it. Plus, she said she wouldn't, and I said I wouldn't, so if she does do it, then I can dump her ass faster than the Flash could run around the world.

It's cheating if your partner is not aware of what you are doing, nor has given consent to it.

Well, I never talked about cheating. I just wonder how it is possible. I mean, confidence is very important in a relationship. If your girlfriend has sex with other people (which, by the way, is not polyamory) doesn't that mean that you are not enough for her? That's how I would feel at least.

We've made these things clear with my boyfriend, we're both monogamous and we have agreed that we won't cheat on each other, but if we feel the need to have sex with someone else we will talk about it and if we fall in love with someone else we will let the other person know and end the relationship before doing anything.

I am more than aware that it's not polyamory, I just was extending her the offer. I am confident in my sexual prowess and "endowment" that I have nothing to fear from other guys.

Also, I think of it as like eating. Sure, this hamburger is fucking awesome, it fills me up and the taste is great, but I can't possibly eat this EVERYDAY of my life. And if I want a salad another day, that doesn't make the hamburger lesser, it just means that I am not in the mood for it, even if it is one of the best burgers I will probably ever taste.

You get what I am saying?

I just don't believe I can handle eating a hamburger everyday for the rest of my life, but I will try to do it, because I love the hamburger, even if I also love the salad that I can't eat.

And, Also, I would like to add that I think it is a shame that there is this whole social code that essentially dictates that we must be in mono-relationships. I think that if people broke away from that concept, than there would be a lot less of a social stigma.

And I just think that my partner has a lot of love to give and I have no problem with her giving it to other people.

Also, I have a lot of love to give, and it's a shame that I am limited in who I can give it to because society dictates it so.
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01-12-2013, 01:51 PM
RE: Polyamory
(01-12-2013 01:27 PM)undergroundp Wrote:  I think people are misunderstanding the meaning of polyamory. It's not a relationship among many people, it's simply being in love and maintaining relationships with many people at the same time.

Now that we made that clear, like others, I'm fine with anything anyone wants to do as long as they don't harm others.

As for me, I have never been in love with more than one person at the same time.

I'm sure I wouldn't be ok with it, just as I believe many guys think polyamory = "getting laid with many chicks" and they don't think about it as "your girlfriend having sex with better guys than you". Yeah, the idea of being in love with many people at once sounds nice, but what about when your girlfriend falls for someone who is... better endowed than you and you suddenly cannot please her?

I guess I'm taking it too far, but I'm sure that if my boyfriend fell in love with another girl, it would be exactly because she is different than me and he'd be craving for something different. That means he would crave for something I can't provide, so I'd always feel "less".

I've been in relationships and I have fallen in love with other people. But when I fell in love with the other person, I would realize that I had stopped being in love with the first person in the first place. So I can't really understand the feeling.

What we had wasn't like that. There were no primary relationships, so no boyfriend/girlfriend things. Everyone would welcome you, and you would welcome everyone. And sex was not at all the focus. When it becomes easily available, it loses importance. What mattered was mutual support and acceptance and closeness with each other. There was a lot of talking with people, a lot of listening to music together, spending time at the beach together and such. Sex would happen when you had the urge for physical satisfaction, not because a certain person was present. Occasionally it would happen that two people "fell in love", and they would usually leave the group. Some returned, individually or together, some didn't.

You are thinking more of "swinging", where established couples exchange mates for an evening or such.

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01-12-2013, 01:53 PM
RE: Polyamory
Polyamory can be exceedingly dangerous.
Back in the 60s,70s,80s, I was involved in multiple and varied relationships, group sex, and a bit of swinging. Sounds like fun, but emotions can be very tricky.
If we can't adequately love (not lust) one person, can we really do multiples?
Trust can be very challenging, and STI s a major issue, for all..............
More to life than simply placing yourself , and others, at all kinds of risk!

A few years back here in Melbourne, swinging lovers decided to murder the wife,also a swinger........... She was found three days later in the boot of a car.
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01-12-2013, 01:58 PM
RE: Polyamory
(01-12-2013 01:53 PM)Mr Woof Wrote:  Polyamory can be exceedingly dangerous.
Back in the 60s,70s,80s, I was involved in multiple and varied relationships, group sex, and a bit of swinging. Sounds like fun, but emotions can be very tricky.
If we can't adequately love (not lust) one person, can we really do multiples?
Trust can be very challenging, and STI s a major issue, for all..............
More to life than simply placing yourself , and others, at all kinds of risk!

A few years back here in Melbourne, swinging lovers decided to murder the wife,also a swinger........... She was found three days later in the boot of a car.

Things started changing a lot as we proceeded into the seventies - I can't imagine continuing it for more than the early seventies, the culture changed drastically with the advent of other STDs and such. And swinging - that's just asking for it IMO. You are then dealing with couples, not random people. Very different scenario.

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01-12-2013, 01:58 PM
RE: Polyamory
(01-12-2013 01:53 PM)Mr Woof Wrote:  Polyamory can be exceedingly dangerous.
Back in the 60s,70s,80s, I was involved in multiple and varied relationships, group sex, and a bit of swinging. Sounds like fun, but emotions can be very tricky.
If we can't adequately love (not lust) one person, can we really do multiples?
Trust can be very challenging, and STI s a major issue, for all..............
More to life than simply placing yourself , and others, at all kinds of risk!

A few years back here in Melbourne, swinging lovers decided to murder the wife,also a swinger........... She was found three days later in the boot of a car.


Interacting with humans in general CAN BE exceedingly dangerous, that doesn't mean it is.

Being in single relationships can be EXCEEDINGLY dangerous too.

All it takes is the right amount of precautions and a "contract" so to speak with all of the people involved.
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01-12-2013, 02:07 PM
RE: Polyamory
(01-12-2013 01:58 PM)Boysurroundedbymoms Wrote:  
(01-12-2013 01:53 PM)Mr Woof Wrote:  Polyamory can be exceedingly dangerous.
Back in the 60s,70s,80s, I was involved in multiple and varied relationships, group sex, and a bit of swinging. Sounds like fun, but emotions can be very tricky.
If we can't adequately love (not lust) one person, can we really do multiples?
Trust can be very challenging, and STI s a major issue, for all..............
More to life than simply placing yourself , and others, at all kinds of risk!

A few years back here in Melbourne, swinging lovers decided to murder the wife,also a swinger........... She was found three days later in the boot of a car.


Interacting with humans in general CAN BE exceedingly dangerous, that doesn't mean it is.

Being in single relationships can be EXCEEDINGLY dangerous too.

All it takes is the right amount of precautions and a "contract" so to speak with all of the people involved.

Contracts don't work very well, especially where emotive ties are concerned.
The most adequate of precautions don't always work either.
Monogamy is not a dirty word, providing things don't get too bad, and then there's divorce!
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01-12-2013, 02:23 PM
RE: Polyamory
(01-12-2013 02:07 PM)Mr Woof Wrote:  
(01-12-2013 01:58 PM)Boysurroundedbymoms Wrote:  Interacting with humans in general CAN BE exceedingly dangerous, that doesn't mean it is.

Being in single relationships can be EXCEEDINGLY dangerous too.

All it takes is the right amount of precautions and a "contract" so to speak with all of the people involved.

Contracts don't work very well, especially where emotive ties are concerned.
The most adequate of precautions don't always work either.
Monogamy is not a dirty word, providing things don't get too bad, and then there's divorce!

Not, a official contract, more more of an understanding.
monogamy isn't a dirty word. Its just not a way of life for me, and I would like it as if it wasn't toted around like it is the only way of having a successful, loving relationship.
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01-12-2013, 02:27 PM
RE: Polyamory
(01-12-2013 01:46 PM)Boysurroundedbymoms Wrote:  Also, I have a lot of love to give, and it's a shame that I am limited in who I can give it to because society dictates it so.

Love ain't got nothing to do with your penis, silly boy. Girly's got kids and grandkids who I love so much I'd lay down my life for them. But I sure as shit ain't got no interest in fucking them.

(01-12-2013 02:07 PM)Mr Woof Wrote:  Monogamy is not a dirty word, ...

Girly don't know nothing else. ... Never felt anything different. Don't see the appeal.

But. To each their own.

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01-12-2013, 02:29 PM
RE: Polyamory
(01-12-2013 02:27 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(01-12-2013 01:46 PM)Boysurroundedbymoms Wrote:  Also, I have a lot of love to give, and it's a shame that I am limited in who I can give it to because society dictates it so.

Love ain't got nothing to do with your penis, silly boy. Girly's got kids and grandkids who I love so much I'd lay down my life for them. But I sure as shit ain't got no interest in fucking them.

(01-12-2013 02:07 PM)Mr Woof Wrote:  Monogamy is not a dirty word, ...

Girly don't know nothing else. ... Never felt anything different. Don't see the appeal.

Specifically romantic love, silly Tongue
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