Popularity?
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03-08-2015, 12:40 AM
RE: Popularity?
(02-08-2015 08:23 PM)yakherder Wrote:  I was unpopular, socially inept, and creeped people out in a matter that made them say things like "Be careful, it's always the quiet guys." I took pride in that. I was also on the water polo team, which probably didn't give me any cool points. And the few fights I was in, though I won, it happened in private and the details never really came out, which kind of added to the creepy guy reputation. I like to think they still talk about me, but I'm probably just being arrogant.

At any rate, well written article Smile I can tell you like to over analyze things. I have that characteristic as well.

Really? I don't find you creepy at all. I think you are one of the more interesting people on here due to your lifestyle. (Although, I must say I find all of you TTA-ers quite interesting and entertaining Big Grin )

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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03-08-2015, 12:46 AM (This post was last modified: 03-08-2015 07:42 AM by jennybee.)
RE: Popularity?
(02-08-2015 04:12 PM)Atothetheist Wrote:  I did an article for my blog on about popularity at my school. Most might not care, but I'm going to link it here anyways. If you feel so inclined, tell me what you think.

https://pointsoftwo.wordpress.com/2015/0...servation/

Thanks for sharing your article with us Smile. Very well written.

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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03-08-2015, 01:32 AM
RE: Popularity?
I grew up in a richy town in a dirt poor family. Always being a pretty outgoing kid who was fairly athletic I never had a problem making friends, but I never fit a clique. I played football all through high school and was in fantastic shape and kind of the class clown type, so I was never really a victim of bullying or teasing from the uppity cliques, but I saw it a lot and tried to be a difference maker.
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03-08-2015, 05:27 AM
RE: Popularity?
i wasn't particularly popular in high school but wasn't bullied, either. I was bullied in elementary school, but by high school all of the bullies were in different classes from me. I was in the honors classes full of other nerds like me. I had a group of friends who were into the same stuff, books and music, and we did our own thing. I did find talking to the popular kids a little dull because we didn't seem to have much in common. Probably now I would find them more interesting, but at that point my social skills weren't developed enough to get under the surface with people.
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03-08-2015, 05:30 AM
RE: Popularity?
(03-08-2015 12:40 AM)jennybee Wrote:  
(02-08-2015 08:23 PM)yakherder Wrote:  I was unpopular, socially inept, and creeped people out in a matter that made them say things like "Be careful, it's always the quiet guys." I took pride in that. I was also on the water polo team, which probably didn't give me any cool points. And the few fights I was in, though I won, it happened in private and the details never really came out, which kind of added to the creepy guy reputation. I like to think they still talk about me, but I'm probably just being arrogant.

At any rate, well written article Smile I can tell you like to over analyze things. I have that characteristic as well.

Really? I don't find you creepy at all. I think you are one of the more interesting people on here due to your lifestyle. (Although, I must say I find all of you TTA-ers quite interesting and entertaining Big Grin )

My social skills have improved since high school. It didn't come naturally but, fortunately, there are plenty of books on the subject of blending in with normal people.

'Murican Canadian
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03-08-2015, 06:14 AM
RE: Popularity?
Thanks for posting your article.

I think of popularity as "networking." It's all in who you know - finding a connection, an "in". It's about knowing what to talk about. Looking back, yes I was popular - my best friend was homecoming queen, for example- just never thought of myself that way. I was friends with nearly everyone. It was some of the girls who deemed themselves unpopular that I wasn't friends with - they assumed I must be a bitch because of some of my friends, when in reality they were the snobs.

So your situation with bet. Here is how I read it - you were not the intended target. It was the girl. He was jealous because she was talking to you and you were a perceived threat. So, he set it up to make it *look* like "he's so gross I'd have to pay you to kiss him" - he was intentionally putting you down so she would be *less* interested. I've been that girl. That guy's an insecure dick that she's probably turned down in the past (pure speculation on that last part).

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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03-08-2015, 07:52 AM
RE: Popularity?
(03-08-2015 06:14 AM)Nurse Wrote:  Thanks for posting your article.

I think of popularity as "networking." It's all in who you know - finding a connection, an "in". It's about knowing what to talk about. Looking back, yes I was popular - my best friend was homecoming queen, for example- just never thought of myself that way. I was friends with nearly everyone. It was some of the girls who deemed themselves unpopular that I wasn't friends with - they assumed I must be a bitch because of some of my friends, when in reality they were the snobs.

So your situation with bet. Here is how I read it - you were not the intended target. It was the girl. He was jealous because she was talking to you and you were a perceived threat. So, he set it up to make it *look* like "he's so gross I'd have to pay you to kiss him" - he was intentionally putting you down so she would be *less* interested. I've been that girl. That guy's an insecure dick that she's probably turned down in the past (pure speculation on that last part).

Agreed. It was a highly dick move. Matt is the one who came out looking like a total jerk. I'm sure Madison could see that. Don't let assholes like that get you down. They really have nothing better to do than to treat people like shit. It's sad really.

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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03-08-2015, 08:43 AM
RE: Popularity?
I've been reflecting on this topic for the past few hours and, now that the kids are in daycare and I'm free to hop on my keyboard instead of my phone, I can transform into the more long winded analytical version of myself Drinking Beverage

I had an atypical school experience since we moved around based on the commercial fishing seasons, as I've mentioned like 87 times before in various threads Tongue. I'd spend a portion of the year in the public school system back in civilization, and a portion of the year in something of a homeschooling co-op with a few other kids since there weren't any schools near our cabin in Alaska. And I had more in common with the other kids. We were all hunters, had commercial fishing families, regularly walked around with a rifle by the time we were 9 or 10, and since there was only a few of us we all knew each other very well. As a quiet, socially inept shy kid, i.e. not one of the popular ones, I very much preferred being in Alaska. Mingling was psychologically draining. Back in civilization, being around people and putting up with their bullshit cliques was a near constant chore. In Alaska, disappearing into the wilderness was as easy as walking (or grabbing the row boat and paddling to one of the many tiny uninhabited islands) a quarter mile in any direction. The closest "big" town was Kenai, with a few thousand people. Where we were at, it was more like 50 and most of them were seasonal, and most of the year it could only be reached by plane or boat. Not unlike where I work now in Northwest Territories (minus the boat part), now that I think about it. Old habits die hard I guess. I always felt like myself when I was away from the crowds. Dealing with the other kids back in Washington involved putting on a mask and being on edge all the time.

Since it didn't come naturally, dealing with people always seemed like a puzzle to me, and I have a tendency to over analyze the shit out of everything. It's just my nature. If a kid walked past me in the hallway and said "Hey, what's up?", I'd immediately begin going through the various possibilities in my head. Is it a general greeting, in which case I should simply say "hi" and continue walking? Is he actually asking the question "what's up," in which case I should provide a thorough response explaining that I stepped out of history class for a few minutes to go to the restroom by the library to take a shit? Is he asking simply because he gets a kick out of my social ineptitude and enjoys watching me try to find the correct answer to the question "what's up?, in which case I should either A: simply ignore him and keep walking or B: find a way to make the situation uncomfortable for him as well as a deterrent to doing it again in the future? Is he distracting me as his buddy comes up behind me to jump me, in which case I should A: immediately turn around and start swinging at the 2nd guy or B: rush forward and take out person #1, thereby dismantling the ambush and claiming the element of surprise for myself? For those of you to whom this came naturally, this probably seems ridiculous. But every aspect of social interaction, I had to solve like some kind of giant puzzle. On one hand, at the expense of sounding arrogant, I know for a fact that I'm smart and quite good at piecing things together. On the other hand, I have a very weak sense of empathy, and that makes me considerably less intuitive in situations I haven't encountered before.

My above post earlier this morning over simplified this process a bit. Yeah, I've read a few books on the subject of social interaction, influencing people, etc. But it's taken me quite a few years to learn how to get through a social interaction without coming across as awkward. And as far as popularity in school, I think it's important to note that your status seems to stick with you during that part of your life where you still haven't realized that it doesn't matter. Whether I was in a summer church camp with a bunch of people I'd never seen before, the elementary/high school full of people I had known for years, or a new school I'd never been to before, I seemed to immediately gravitate towards the nerd table in the lunchroom, and I get the impression that it's pretty much the same for everyone else. Those people who have a popularity winning personality at school will arrive at that above mentioned one month church camp and immediately immerse themselves into the same type of clique they're in back in their schools. I'd personally go through pretty much the same process no matter the context.

• Find the non-popular group.
• Get in at least one fight (yes, even at church camp), maybe two, before the dipshit branch of the popular group figured out that I was one of the nerds who'd bite back, hard, after which they'd generally leave me alone. Bullies who fancy themselves as being popular don't like the idea of losing face by getting their asses kicked.
• Keep to myself and avoid social interactions with all but a few people around whom I was somewhat comfortable.

Things changed considerably after joining the military, because boot camp was the first time I didn't have the option of retreating into isolation at my convenience. I'll always have a need to occasionally recharge my psychological batteries by getting the hell away from everyone, but as I mentioned above, I've become much better at the puzzle over the years to the point where I'm no longer bothered by it most of the time. I even consider myself to be above average in regards to learned social skills, though when I come across something I haven't encountered before, and that analytical cause/effect puzzle solving portion of my brain doesn't have an immediate answer, there's always going to be a bit of awkwardness until I figure it out. And even though I'm not afraid of crowds, the psychological drain of dealing with them, even if I appear to be fitting in and having fun, will start to make me grumpy if I'm denied my opportunity to recharge for too long.

'Murican Canadian
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03-08-2015, 09:04 AM
RE: Popularity?
(03-08-2015 08:43 AM)yakherder Wrote:  I've been reflecting on this topic for the past few hours and, now that the kids are in daycare and I'm free to hop on my keyboard instead of my phone, I can transform into the more long winded analytical version of myself Drinking Beverage

I had an atypical school experience since we moved around based on the commercial fishing seasons, as I've mentioned like 87 times before in various threads Tongue. I'd spend a portion of the year in the public school system back in civilization, and a portion of the year in something of a homeschooling co-op with a few other kids since there weren't any schools near our cabin in Alaska. And I had more in common with the other kids. We were all hunters, had commercial fishing families, regularly walked around with a rifle by the time we were 9 or 10, and since there was only a few of us we all knew each other very well. As a quiet, socially inept shy kid, i.e. not one of the popular ones, I very much preferred being in Alaska. Mingling was psychologically draining. Back in civilization, being around people and putting up with their bullshit cliques was a near constant chore. In Alaska, disappearing into the wilderness was as easy as walking (or grabbing the row boat and paddling to one of the many tiny uninhabited islands) a quarter mile in any direction. The closest "big" town was Kenai, with a few thousand people. Where we were at, it was more like 50 and most of them were seasonal, and most of the year it could only be reached by plane or boat. Not unlike where I work now in Northwest Territories (minus the boat part), now that I think about it. Old habits die hard I guess. I always felt like myself when I was away from the crowds. Dealing with the other kids back in Washington involved putting on a mask and being on edge all the time.

Since it didn't come naturally, dealing with people always seemed like a puzzle to me, and I have a tendency to over analyze the shit out of everything. It's just my nature. If a kid walked past me in the hallway and said "Hey, what's up?", I'd immediately begin going through the various possibilities in my head. Is it a general greeting, in which case I should simply say "hi" and continue walking? Is he actually asking the question "what's up," in which case I should provide a thorough response explaining that I stepped out of history class for a few minutes to go to the restroom by the library to take a shit? Is he asking simply because he gets a kick out of my social ineptitude and enjoys watching me try to find the correct answer to the question "what's up?, in which case I should either A: simply ignore him and keep walking or B: find a way to make the situation uncomfortable for him as well as a deterrent to doing it again in the future? Is he distracting me as his buddy comes up behind me to jump me, in which case I should A: immediately turn around and start swinging at the 2nd guy or B: rush forward and take out person #1, thereby dismantling the ambush and claiming the element of surprise for myself? For those of you to whom this came naturally, this probably seems ridiculous. But every aspect of social interaction, I had to solve like some kind of giant puzzle. On one hand, at the expense of sounding arrogant, I know for a fact that I'm smart and quite good at piecing things together. On the other hand, I have a very weak sense of empathy, and that makes me considerably less intuitive in situations I haven't encountered before.

My above post earlier this morning over simplified this process a bit. Yeah, I've read a few books on the subject of social interaction, influencing people, etc. But it's taken me quite a few years to learn how to get through a social interaction without coming across as awkward. And as far as popularity in school, I think it's important to note that your status seems to stick with you during that part of your life where you still haven't realized that it doesn't matter. Whether I was in a summer church camp with a bunch of people I'd never seen before, the elementary/high school full of people I had known for years, or a new school I'd never been to before, I seemed to immediately gravitate towards the nerd table in the lunchroom, and I get the impression that it's pretty much the same for everyone else. Those people who have a popularity winning personality at school will arrive at that above mentioned one month church camp and immediately immerse themselves into the same type of clique they're in back in their schools. I'd personally go through pretty much the same process no matter the context.

• Find the non-popular group.
• Get in at least one fight (yes, even at church camp), maybe two, before the dipshit branch of the popular group figured out that I was one of the nerds who'd bite back, hard, after which they'd generally leave me alone. Bullies who fancy themselves as being popular don't like the idea of losing face by getting their asses kicked.
• Keep to myself and avoid social interactions with all but a few people around whom I was somewhat comfortable.

Things changed considerably after joining the military, because boot camp was the first time I didn't have the option of retreating into isolation at my convenience. I'll always have a need to occasionally recharge my psychological batteries by getting the hell away from everyone, but as I mentioned above, I've become much better at the puzzle over the years to the point where I'm no longer bothered by it most of the time. I even consider myself to be above average in regards to learned social skills, though when I come across something I haven't encountered before, and that analytical cause/effect puzzle solving portion of my brain doesn't have an immediate answer, there's always going to be a bit of awkwardness until I figure it out. And even though I'm not afraid of crowds, the psychological drain of dealing with them, even if I appear to be fitting in and having fun, will start to make me grumpy if I'm denied my opportunity to recharge for too long.

See, interesting life Big Grin You should seriously consider writing a book. I'd buy it Thumbsup

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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03-08-2015, 09:11 AM
RE: Popularity?
I moved around a lot as a boy, and lived for four years in Asia, so coming back to America at 12 and attending jr high and high school with kids who hadn't been beyond the county line was pretty frustrating. I'd always been a little on the shy side, so that tendency was exacerbated on our return. The only year I enjoyed in high school was my junior year -- we'd moved to SoCal from the Central California sticks, I started my first garage band, landed my first job, and moved out so I could finish my schooling in Cali as my mom was moving to Tennessee. That was when I started coming out of my shell, but similar to Yak above, Basic Training was what taught me much about dealing with others, because you had exactly zero solitude.
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