Post a joke
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18-03-2010, 12:49 PM
 
RE: Post a joke
(18-03-2010 11:54 AM)Juppers Wrote:  Do you mean Edward Current? I did think it was very much in his vein. But in that pic it looked as if someone had posted that on a Christian forum. After all, many Christians actually took Current seriously, and that's pretty worrying Undecided

Man, that's true! They even plagiarized his "CHECK MATE" statement!
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18-03-2010, 02:50 PM
RE: Post a joke
(18-03-2010 11:54 AM)Juppers Wrote:  Do you mean Edward Current? I did think it was very much in his vein. But in that pic it looked as if someone had posted that on a Christian forum. After all, many Christians actually took Current seriously, and that's pretty worrying Undecided

That is the issue with Edward Current, too many people take him seriously (Both atheists and theists alike).

I don't believe Jesus is the son of God until I see the long form birth certificate!
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19-03-2010, 07:55 AM
 
RE: Post a joke
Props to Hitchens for this one.


Abraham and Solomon are walking down the road when the come across a church with this sign: "Jews for Jesus: $1000 to each convert".

Abraham is intrigued and tells Solomon, "I'm gonna go check it out."

Solomon waits outside while he goes in.

A short while later Abraham comes out and Solomon says, "Well?"

Abraham replies, "They made some good points, I'm converted and a Christian now."

Solomon - "Well did they give you the cash up front?"

Abe - "Is that all you people ever think about..."
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21-03-2010, 07:07 PM
 
RE: Post a joke
Jesus walked into a motel, slapped his nails on the counter and said "Put me up for the night?"
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23-03-2010, 08:09 PM
 
RE: Post a joke
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “Okay, now what?”
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23-03-2010, 08:54 PM
 
RE: Post a joke
I can't remember jokes but sometimes I write my own. I wrote this a few weeks ago---

A pony walks into a bar. The bartender says "What'll it be?"
The pony says "I can't talk, I'm a little horse."

You didn't say it had to be funny.
Oh here's a good joke I hear a lot: Jesus loves you!
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23-03-2010, 08:59 PM
 
RE: Post a joke
A priest, a pastor, and a Rabbi were in the woods. They decided to have a contest to see who could convert a bear the fastest. The next week they all met in a coffee shop. The pastor walked in and said he had converted his bear, and baptized him in the river. The priest walked in and said he had converted his bear and the bear went to his first confession on Friday. The Rabbi rolled in a wheelchair all torn up an maimed. The priest asked "What happened to you?" The Rabbi replied "Well, I was doing ok until the circumcision."
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23-03-2010, 10:08 PM
RE: Post a joke
Three nuns in church on a hot day decide to remove their robes because of the heat. Not an unusual habit on a hot day. So about a half hour later, the door bell rings while their robes are slumped over pews clear across the huge chapel.

They ask who it is. "The blind man," a voice replies.

The three nuns decide to simply open the door because the man is blind. He walks in, looks at the nuns and says, "Nice tits! Where do you want me to install these blinds?"

======================================

Two nuns cycling down a cobbled street. The first one says "I've never come
this way before"; the second one replies "Must be the cobbles"

=======================================

Four nuns were standing in line at the gates of heaven. Peter asks the first if she has ever sinned.
"Well, once I looked at a man's penis," she said.
"Put some of this holy water on your eyes and you may enter heaven," Peter told her.
Peter then asked the second nun if she had ever sinned.
"Well, once I held a man's penis," she replied.
"Put your hand in this holy water and you may enter heaven," he said.
Just then the fourth nun pushed ahead of the third nun. Peter asked her, "Why did you push ahead in line?"
She said, "Because I want to gargle before she sits in it!"

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23-03-2010, 11:29 PM
RE: Post a joke
Good ones green. I have a nun joke.

There was once three devote nuns. One day, the priest was so impressed by them, he offered to forgive whatever sins they commit at the end of the day. The three nuns set out, excited to be able to do whatever they want.

They return later that day, they wait in line for the priest to forgive them of their sins. The forgive confesses, "I have stolen a car" the priest tells her to put holy water on her face, and she will be forgiven. She does so.

The second nun walks up, and confesses that she killed a man. "Put holy water on your face, and god will forgive you". She does so.

Finally, the last walks up to the priest. "Tell me your sins" the priest says. The nun bows her head and confesses. "Forgive me father, for I have peed in the holy water."

I don't believe Jesus is the son of God until I see the long form birth certificate!
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25-03-2010, 08:07 AM (This post was last modified: 25-03-2010 08:53 AM by Germanatheist007.)
RE: Post a joke
a woman is sitting in a plane next to a priest.
She asks him :"father i just bought a new shaver, he was very expensive and so i don´t want to pay the duty for it at the airport. Could you please hide it for me?
He answers :"Yes but you should know that i can´t lie to anyone"

Later at the airport the customs officer asks the priest
:" have you something you should pay duty for?"
"nothing over the navel"
"hmmm and under it"
"Now, there i have something for a woman that was never used before"
and anotherone

the father is listening his daughters prayers before she goes sleeping
"Dear god, please protect me, my little sister, my mother, my father, my grandpa and my grandma".

The next day he´s listening again
"Dear god, please protect me, my little sister, my mother, my father and ma gandpa"
He recognized that she forgot her gandma but thought it wasn´t important
The very next day her gandma died.

He´s listening to his daughters prayers again
"Dear god, please protect me, my little sister, my mother and my father
"Damn" he thought "This time she forgot to mention her grandpa"
the very next day her gandpa died

He´s listening again, bathed in perspiration
"Dear god, please protect me, my little sister and my mother"
"OH GOD" he was near to tears

Next day he comes home and askes his wife if something special happened
"No, nothing important but our postman died..."

yes yes the all mighty god^^
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