Pregnancy "advice"
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17-03-2014, 03:47 AM
RE: Pregnancy "advice"
(17-03-2014 03:43 AM)Mathilda Wrote:  
(16-03-2014 01:04 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  Omg I hated the advice too.

That and complete strangers rubbing my belly like a Buddha for luck




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Swing with me a while, we can listen to the birds call, we can keep each other warm.
Swing with me forever, we can count up every flower, we can weather every storm.
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17-03-2014, 06:00 AM
RE: Pregnancy "advice"
(16-03-2014 09:56 AM)Hobbitgirl Wrote:  I suspect I'm not the only pregnant person who's discovered this annoying habit of everyone around them.

The minute you say "im pregnant" its like the whole world comes out with their -opinion- on how you should do things, and if you don't agree WELL....

Example (of many)


I plan to give birth in a hospital. With doctors, and machines, and medicine.

Someone in my life thinks this is awful. "You need a midwife! The doctors will only make labor worse! YOUR BODY KNOWS HOW TO DO THIS"


.....I get that. And I feel so grateful that I have so many loving caring people in my life that want to pass on their views to help me. But I don't want to be made to feel like a bad person if I choose to do something they dont like.

Anyway. I guess this is just a whinge. But remember with the pregnant people in their life. Let them make up their own ideas of what they want.

Congrats!!!! Yea!!!!

Oh yeah. When I was big and round I always got unsolicited advice.

When someone talked about home births I would quote the rise of infant mortality and mother mortality.

If a morher's body just "knew how to do this", there would be no need for c-sections.

You don't have to have an IV or any drugs. Just give birth in a hospital. If anything should go wrong at home, you'll bleed out before an ambulance can get to you.

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day - Bill Watterson
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17-03-2014, 06:16 AM
RE: Pregnancy "advice"
(16-03-2014 10:10 PM)Hobbitgirl Wrote:  
(16-03-2014 10:06 PM)Charis Wrote:  I'm going to take this moment to say congratulations on your pregnancy! I love babies. I will offer no unsolicited advice. <3

Thank you!

Advice is fine! Most of the time its welcome! I didn't mean to imply that I didnt want advice.

Its when people offer advice and you dont agree with it or dont want to do it and they imply your being a bad "mom"

Thats what sucks.



Seriously, one of the worst days of my life was I was a new mommy. My oldest daughter was all of 4 days old when the Le Leche League paid me a visit.
I've never felt so scared, so low, so very small and so very inadequate in my life.

They promote that Every time the baby goes 'waaaa' for more than a moment that you pop your boob in it's mouth and feed feed feed.
WTF?
I'll leave it at that. But their so-called *Advice* was horrible, scary and they totally set me up for failure AND the follow up with the pediatrician proved just how fucking wrong they really are to encourage young mommies to constantly Feed a baby. It's ludicrous really.

ANY advice which goes against your instinct of what's best for you and your baby should get thrown out the window. And I'm quite serious. Unless something you want directly opposes the word of a qualified MEDICAL professional - YOU follow what you KNOW is best for you and your baby. Believe me when I say.....More often than not (insane mothers not included here) Moms KNOW what is needed and what to do. We are WIRED for it. WIRED for it.
(yes there are cases that argue my point.......... I'm not talking about those)


You DO what you know is best - and listen to your Dr and the pediatrician.
That is all.


fcuk - every bit of that sounds like advice. LOL
HeartAngelHeart

When I want your opinion I'll read your entrails.
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17-03-2014, 06:21 AM
RE: Pregnancy "advice"
(17-03-2014 06:16 AM)WitchSabrina Wrote:  
(16-03-2014 10:10 PM)Hobbitgirl Wrote:  Thank you!

Advice is fine! Most of the time its welcome! I didn't mean to imply that I didnt want advice.

Its when people offer advice and you dont agree with it or dont want to do it and they imply your being a bad "mom"

Thats what sucks.



Seriously, one of the worst days of my life was I was a new mommy. My oldest daughter was all of 4 days old when the Le Leche League paid me a visit.
I've never felt so scared, so low, so very small and so very inadequate in my life.

They promote that Every time the baby goes 'waaaa' for more than a moment that you pop your boob in it's mouth and feed feed feed.
WTF?
I'll leave it at that. But their so-called *Advice* was horrible, scary and they totally set me up for failure AND the follow up with the pediatrician proved just how fucking wrong they really are to encourage young mommies to constantly Feed a baby. It's ludicrous really.

ANY advice which goes against your instinct of what's best for you and your baby should get thrown out the window. And I'm quite serious. Unless something you want directly opposes the word of a qualified MEDICAL professional - YOU follow what you KNOW is best for you and your baby. Believe me when I say.....More often than not (insane mothers not included here) Moms KNOW what is needed and what to do. We are WIRED for it. WIRED for it.
(yes there are cases that argue my point.......... I'm not talking about those)


You DO what you know is best - and listen to your Dr and the pediatrician.
That is all.


fcuk - every bit of that sounds like advice. LOL
HeartAngelHeart

Morgan makes a thread about people giving her annoing parenting and child advice, gets advice.

Thread is as rich as the meat of a well-cooked baby!

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17-03-2014, 06:26 AM
RE: Pregnancy "advice"
With regards to the Le Leche League, some companies in the UK not only target vulnerable new mothers, but have contracts in place with the hospitals allowing access. You can read personal stories about this on mumsnet.

New mothers used as cash cows in the latest NHS scandal

Quote:New mothers have complained of feeling intimidated by sales reps and pressurised into buying products, sometimes just hours after giving birth. There have been complaints that reps have taken photographs of new babies, saying it was for ''security reasons’’. Some mothers claim that reps have hinted that child benefit forms would be withheld if they didn’t accept a promotional pack. There are also accusations that unqualified sales staff have been giving medical advice and making inappropriate comments.
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17-03-2014, 06:31 AM
RE: Pregnancy "advice"
(17-03-2014 06:16 AM)WitchSabrina Wrote:  
(16-03-2014 10:10 PM)Hobbitgirl Wrote:  Thank you!

Advice is fine! Most of the time its welcome! I didn't mean to imply that I didnt want advice.

Its when people offer advice and you dont agree with it or dont want to do it and they imply your being a bad "mom"

Thats what sucks.



Seriously, one of the worst days of my life was I was a new mommy. My oldest daughter was all of 4 days old when the Le Leche League paid me a visit.
I've never felt so scared, so low, so very small and so very inadequate in my life.

They promote that Every time the baby goes 'waaaa' for more than a moment that you pop your boob in it's mouth and feed feed feed.
WTF?
I'll leave it at that. But their so-called *Advice* was horrible, scary and they totally set me up for failure AND the follow up with the pediatrician proved just how fucking wrong they really are to encourage young mommies to constantly Feed a baby. It's ludicrous really.

ANY advice which goes against your instinct of what's best for you and your baby should get thrown out the window. And I'm quite serious. Unless something you want directly opposes the word of a qualified MEDICAL professional - YOU follow what you KNOW is best for you and your baby. Believe me when I say.....More often than not (insane mothers not included here) Moms KNOW what is needed and what to do. We are WIRED for it. WIRED for it.
(yes there are cases that argue my point.......... I'm not talking about those)


You DO what you know is best - and listen to your Dr and the pediatrician.
That is all.


fcuk - every bit of that sounds like advice. LOL
HeartAngelHeart

There's a difference between giving kind, caring, and supportive advice and telling someone no no no honey that's wrong.
Whether you choose to have an epidural or not you have these women telling you all the reasons why you are wrong. I believe those are the ones that are so frustrating.
With my oldest I had an endless influx of nosey people telling me why I was a horrible mother if I went through with getting the epidural. With my second two I had just as many busybodies telling me why I needed to get it even if I didn't want it. Supportive advice is great but pushy jerks are not. Lol

Swing with me a while, we can listen to the birds call, we can keep each other warm.
Swing with me forever, we can count up every flower, we can weather every storm.
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17-03-2014, 06:35 AM
RE: Pregnancy "advice"
(17-03-2014 06:26 AM)Mathilda Wrote:  With regards to the Le Leche League, some companies in the UK not only target vulnerable new mothers, but have contracts in place with the hospitals allowing access. You can read personal stories about this on mumsnet.

New mothers used as cash cows in the latest NHS scandal

Quote:New mothers have complained of feeling intimidated by sales reps and pressurised into buying products, sometimes just hours after giving birth. There have been complaints that reps have taken photographs of new babies, saying it was for ''security reasons’’. Some mothers claim that reps have hinted that child benefit forms would be withheld if they didn’t accept a promotional pack. There are also accusations that unqualified sales staff have been giving medical advice and making inappropriate comments.

Wow! I didn't know anything about that. I really liked the people from LLL who came to see me after I had my daughter. I mean, once I set up some boundaries they were very helpful. I didn't even know they sold stuff.

Swing with me a while, we can listen to the birds call, we can keep each other warm.
Swing with me forever, we can count up every flower, we can weather every storm.
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17-03-2014, 06:36 AM
RE: Pregnancy "advice"
All these people with advice don't know shit, if they did, they would tell you that baby is calling the shots and you are just along for the ride. Big Grin

You know your baby best, trust your instincts.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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17-03-2014, 06:38 AM
RE: Pregnancy "advice"
(17-03-2014 06:35 AM)LostandInsecure Wrote:  
(17-03-2014 06:26 AM)Mathilda Wrote:  With regards to the Le Leche League, some companies in the UK not only target vulnerable new mothers, but have contracts in place with the hospitals allowing access. You can read personal stories about this on mumsnet.

New mothers used as cash cows in the latest NHS scandal

Wow! I didn't know anything about that. I really liked the people from LLL who came to see me after I had my daughter. I mean, once I set up some boundaries they were very helpful. I didn't even know they sold stuff.

Sorry, the Le Leche League weren't the ones selling stuff. The companies were Bounty and Tempest. I should have made my post less ambiguous. I was just providing an example of how new mothers can be quite vulnerable after giving birth.
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17-03-2014, 06:44 AM
RE: Pregnancy "advice"
I have two grandbabies and was there to help delivery BOTH. Wonderful experience for us all. I was there every step of pregnancy, birth and since.
We agreed that I would be present or available via phone-- IF/when my daughter wanted to bounce something off me, straight out ask 'what do you think, mom?' or share whatever she needed to share - I'd be available. A few times I've answered with "if you quietly just focus on your baby......she/he will answer you how to move forward".
I honestly these past 9 yrs have tried to NOT give advice but be available to bounce things off of and be someone who listens.

The one thing we ALL agreed to was that I would NOT be a boss for grandchildren, an interferring mother-in-law to our son-in-law, nor a busy-body with my nose in every aspect of the grandchildren's lives. Not who I want to be and none of us wanted that.

Being available? Fine. Anything more than that is too much.

When I want your opinion I'll read your entrails.
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