Pretending that I've never heard of Jesus
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12-05-2017, 07:29 PM
RE: Pretending that I've never heard of Jesus
(12-05-2017 07:13 PM)Shai Hulud Wrote:  So much regret to have but one Like to give this lovely level of trolling. Smile

Has anyone tried to explain it to you?

"He was the son of god."

"Son of who?"

"The creator of the universe!"

"How did he do that?"

"...."

Don't let those gnomes and their illusions get you down. They're just gnomes and illusions.

--Jake the Dog, Adventure Time

Alouette, je te plumerai.
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12-05-2017, 07:48 PM
RE: Pretending that I've never heard of Jesus
Your troll game is strong. Smile

"Have you ever considered how this sounds to me, hearing this for the first time? This God creates everything, then makes a man out of dirt. Then kills everyone but a few people. Then there's a talking donkey, and people living to 900, and..."

Need to think of a witty signature.
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12-05-2017, 08:03 PM
RE: Pretending that I've never heard of Jesus
(12-05-2017 07:48 PM)Shai Hulud Wrote:  Your troll game is strong. Smile

"Have you ever considered how this sounds to me, hearing this for the first time? This God creates everything, then makes a man out of dirt. Then kills everyone but a few people. Then there's a talking donkey, and people living to 900, and..."

My dad is from the lower peninsula of Michigan. I'm only half-troll. Wink

Don't let those gnomes and their illusions get you down. They're just gnomes and illusions.

--Jake the Dog, Adventure Time

Alouette, je te plumerai.
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12-05-2017, 08:21 PM
RE: Pretending that I've never heard of Jesus
You must record one of your interactions if possible, I’d pay to hear it. Yes

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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12-05-2017, 08:30 PM
RE: Pretending that I've never heard of Jesus
Damn, I would never have the poker face to pull that off.

If we came from dust, then why is there still dust?
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12-05-2017, 09:12 PM
RE: Pretending that I've never heard of Jesus
I've told this story many time here on the forum but when I was a kid I lived in the woods outside of Tahoe up in the Sierra Mountains. We lived in a log cabin with no hot water, no TV, no radio and no neighbors. My parents were a mixture of atheist and agnostic. The subject of religion just never seem to come up. The little elementary school I went to was so small they didn't even have a Christmas program. I'd never heard of Jesus. I don't think I even knew what a church was.

When I was 9 years old we finally moved out of the woods to a small town up in Northern California. The school there was large enough to have a Christmas program. So we're practicing songs for the Christmas program and one of the songs was "Away in the Manger". So I turn to the girl next me me and say..."Who is this Jesus guy, anyway?"

The little girl literally gasped and said in a loud voice "He's the son of god!!! She looked at me like I was an alien from another planet.

The first thought was that popped into my little 9 year old brain was, "Why would god need a son? That's just stupid" and you know what?.... I still think this. Big Grin

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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13-05-2017, 06:00 AM
RE: Pretending that I've never heard of Jesus
(12-05-2017 09:12 PM)dancefortwo Wrote:  I've told this story many time here on the forum but when I was a kid I lived in the woods outside of Tahoe up in the Sierra Mountains. We lived in a log cabin with no hot water, no TV, no radio and no neighbors. My parents were a mixture of atheist and agnostic. The subject of religion just never seem to come up. The little elementary school I went to was so small they didn't even have a Christmas program. I'd never heard of Jesus. I don't think I even knew what a church was.

When I was 9 years old we finally moved out of the woods to a small town up in Northern California. The school there was large enough to have a Christmas program. So we're practicing songs for the Christmas program and one of the songs was "Away in the Manger". So I turn to the girl next me me and say..."Who is this Jesus guy, anyway?"

The little girl literally gasped and said in a loud voice "He's the son of god!!! She looked at me like I was an alien from another planet.

The first thought was that popped into my little 9 year old brain was, "Why would god need a son? That's just stupid" and you know what?.... I still think this. Big Grin
I must confess to deep envy of your naive early childhood and your resultant objectivity.

The infection vector for the Christian meme in my family was my oldest brother, twenty years my senior. He had become a drunken sailor (literally -- he was in the Navy) and my parents had no idea what to do about him. He'd fetch up on our doorstep, vomit, and pass out many nights. I was too young to remember this, probably 2 or 3 years old at the time. But then he found belonging of a more superficially benign sort with the local Bible church, and the transformation so stunned my parents that they signed up immediately, and with gratitude. My other two brothers, then about 18 and 13, followed in quick succession. By the time I made my "decision for Jesus" at three months shy of my 6th birthday, evangelical Christianity was all I knew in terms of a lens to view the world through. I would have been the shocked playmate who couldn't believe you didn't know who Jesus was.

The drunken sailor grew up to become a once-married church deacon who got up one morning a couple of years into his retirement, stood up, and had his leg snap in two. A rare form of bone cancer for someone who never smoked, chewed or went with girls that do -- at least after his relatively modest youthful indiscretions. By then, two of his three younger brothers were backslidden or apostate, our parents already in the grave, and with his death less than six months later, the only family member left in the faith was the third brother. Not much of a track record for such a promising start, all told.

Trust me, dft, you haven't missed a thing.
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14-05-2017, 07:49 AM
Pretending that I've never heard of Jesus
I am going to use this. But put my own twist on it. Remember the scene in Holy Grail when King Arther rides up onto those peasants working in the mud? That scene. "King of the who?"


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14-05-2017, 09:15 AM (This post was last modified: 14-05-2017 11:14 AM by Aliza.)
RE: Pretending that I've never heard of Jesus
(12-05-2017 05:36 PM)Old Man Marsh Wrote:  That's the new game I'm playing here in the deep south. Whenever someone asks me what church I go to, I pretend to not know what they're talking about. I pretend to have never heard of Jesus or church before. This puts them in an akward position of having to explain the story to an adult who is (as far as they know) hearing it for the first time.

The look on their faces is priceless, especially when I finally ask if they're joking or pulling my leg.

I actually had never heard the story of Jesus until I was 19 or 20. I had absolutely no idea prior to this time that Christianity had stories like Noah's ark or the story of Moses. Just tell them you're Jewish. Your little charade will become very believable.

That shocked, horrified expression was mine when I learned just exactly who Jesus is to the Christians. The best way to describe the behavior of a Christian who is explaining Jesus to an adult for the first time is like presenting a puppy with his first piece of steak. He's so excited to finally taste this morsel that he's been smelling during the cooking process that he might have a little tinkle accident when he sees you shaving off a sliver just for him .
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14-05-2017, 11:55 AM
RE: Pretending that I've never heard of Jesus
(12-05-2017 05:36 PM)Old Man Marsh Wrote:  That's the new game I'm playing here in the deep south. Whenever someone asks me what church I go to, I pretend to not know what they're talking about. I pretend to have never heard of Jesus or church before. This puts them in an akward position of having to explain the story to an adult who is (as far as they know) hearing it for the first time.

The look on their faces is priceless, especially when I finally ask if they're joking or pulling my leg.

That is a fantastic idea! I'd be very interested to hear the stories. I bet many of them can't even tell the story properly.

I wonder if it would get through to any of them what an absurd pile of crap it is, having to hear themselves say it to someone other than a credulous young child.

I have a website here which discusses the issues and terminology surrounding religion and atheism. It's hopefully user friendly to all.
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