Probably not going to come out how I want, but here goes...
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04-08-2014, 01:24 PM (This post was last modified: 04-08-2014 01:30 PM by Bows and Arrows.)
Probably not going to come out how I want, but here goes...
I know I'm not as worldly and in tune with many other cultures in their typical day to day stuff, so I have a question about a habit I've noticed that pisses me off, and my husband says it probably just a difference in cultures.

In my experience if I tell you I will be at your house at 2 pm, what I really mean is I will be there between 1:55 and 2:00. If I am going to show up at 2:05, I will have sent you a text message that says I'm running a bit behind and give a better estimate, but it should still be within 5-10 minutes of our regular meeting time.

Of course, if something else like the freeway is jammed packed due to an accident or something out of my control, I will let you know that too.

I consider this COMMON COURTESY. But I'm finding that other cultures are on a completely different clock from me.


Example 1- my daughter has a friend over for a sleepover. This girls mom makes a big deal about how she will pick her up, I don't have to drive her home, on and on, like six times. And that she would be at my house at 1pm knowing that I had some other things to do the next day. The next day at 12:45 she says she will be late, I ask when she thinks she will get to my house? She says " can I come get her around 3pm?" FUCK NO! I must have told her a hundred times I had shit I HAD to do. I drive the girl home (20 miles). And the mom comes out wants to chit chat, be all sweet, and you can tell that she hasn't done jack shit all freaking day except primp. WTF. I honestly wanted to punch her in the head.

Example 2- I am on a local Facebook group trying to sell stuff that I no longer need. The woman says after ten messages that she will come to my house at 10:30am to pick up. At 10am, she sends me a message that she is taking her sister to the doctor, will I be home later? Sure. I will be home after 2pm. She says she will call me and let me know. At 3 pm, I haven't heard a thing from her. So I move on to the next person who said they wanted it and posted that I was moving on to the next person. Boom, now she is suddenly free ( like seconds from the time I posted) and blah, blah. Wtf

So do some cultures just not know HOW to tell time? Do they just LIKE to jerk others around on purpose? Am I the bitch here because I can't seem to understand why people don't show up when they are the one that picked the time to start with?

Your thoughts?

Edited to add: I am 99.99% certain neither of these ladies were born in the US, and are a similar ethnicity- which is partly why I'm wondering if it's a cultural thing.


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04-08-2014, 01:30 PM
RE: Probably not going to come out how I want, but here goes...
I think some people are so wrapped up in themselves that inconveniencing someone doesn't even register with them.
As long as it goes their way the world is good.
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04-08-2014, 03:51 PM
RE: Probably not going to come out how I want, but here goes...
I know a family just like that, they live opposite me.

Their son, who's the same age as me, was briefly the drummer in a band with me.

We'd all arrange to meet up at his house on a Saturday afternoon, at say 2pm... He assured us he was free and ready to rehearse.

When we arrived we had to wait half an hour because he was playing GTA Vice City... When he finally turned it off and sat at the drums he announced he was going out in half an hour. After arranging for a 3 hour rehearsal with us.

Needless to say he didn't last in the band.

His mum's no different, she offered to pick us both up from school one night when we were about 10.... She turned up 2 hours late. The reason... She was on the phone to her friend.

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04-08-2014, 04:24 PM
RE: Probably not going to come out how I want, but here goes...
I am pretty crazy about being on time. I am always on time, if not early, for appointments. For social/personal things I am always the one who is on time...usually the only one.

I agree with Pablo that people just don't care. It's not necessarily cultural, I am not sure where it comes from. My dad was a stickler about being on time and my sister are I are the same. My daughters apparently live in some continual time warp - as my dad would tell them - you will be late to your own funeral.

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04-08-2014, 04:48 PM
RE: Probably not going to come out how I want, but here goes...
I don't see why that would be considered a culture thing and I don't blame you for being upset, the whole point in setting a time is to be there at that time and time is the same no matter the culture. I think it's more of a responsible/OCD thing. Some people want to be responsible and keep their promises on time and some may just have an OCD thing where they have to be on time or it bother's them and the opposite just don't care. Good excuse for work though, you go in late to work and your boss get's upset with you just tell him it's a culture thing Laugh out load

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04-08-2014, 04:51 PM
RE: Probably not going to come out how I want, but here goes...
I don't have time for people who can't be on time. Tongue

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04-08-2014, 04:57 PM
RE: Probably not going to come out how I want, but here goes...
(04-08-2014 04:51 PM)Dom Wrote:  I don't have time for people who can't be on time. Tongue

I'll give anyone a 15-minute grace period, but you'd better be missing a limb when you finally arrive. And bring a note from your surgeon.

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04-08-2014, 05:04 PM
RE: Probably not going to come out how I want, but here goes...
Yup. And nope.

An organisation's or a society's culture is formed from the collective individuals' behaviour. Individual behaviour is a result of Organisational Ethics and Individual Ethics.

Do your apathetic antagonists originate from social groups that are based nearer to the equator than your original social group?

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04-08-2014, 10:46 PM
RE: Probably not going to come out how I want, but here goes...
I don't think it's totally cultural. Some people are just inconsiderate and thoughtless and others use it as a way to control their own world and have control over other people.

I had a boyfriend who was never on time and I was constantly waiting for him. When he was going to meet me somewhere he'd be 45 minutes late, or a half hour late, or two hours late. I never knew when he'd show up. If we were going out to see a movie I would be ready and waiting to go while he was sloooooowly getting himself together. Then we'd miss the first ten minutes of the movie. It drove me so crazy that I broke up with him. I got tired of tapping my toes and drumming my fingers waiting for him. There were other problems with the relationship but his lateness was a major problem for me.

I finally realized that he did this to control me. Grrrrr. Well, it worked for a while but I finally gave him the boot. I was young and stupid.

Having other people wait for you is a shitty way to treat them.

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Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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04-08-2014, 11:47 PM
Re: Probably not going to come out how I want, but here goes...
That's not a culture thing, it's a you thing... Because unless you're from some culture I don't know of, it's the same from those around you. Maybe you were raised that way?

BUT, yes there is cultures that view time differently such as more loosely.

I've heard issues of South Africans in relationships with Americans not seeing immediate phrases the same. Were the south African guy views the the, Now, meaning any point from the present to the next couple hours. That he says came from his culture and they would say now now if they meant that exact moment.

I don't know area specifics on this, but I've heard of different African cultures not having a different term present, future, or past time. And that those people are less strict in viewing showing up or doing things "on time"

"Allow there to be a spectrum in all that you see" - Neil Degrasse Tyson
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