Problem with my room and my mom
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12-07-2017, 04:06 AM
RE: Problem with my room and my mom
(10-07-2017 05:09 AM)SYZ Wrote:  G'day Michael...

As a 24-year-old, you (obviously) should be considered an adult by your mum, and treated as such. She should be respecting your opinions, and trusting that at your age you have your own set of philosophies, ethics and morals, and life beliefs. I know that—as a "believer"—she's pre-conditioned to impress her religious views upon a son she loves dearly, in the (mistaken) belief that she's doing the right thing.

I do understand that as you're someone living under her roof, she has the inherent "right" to expect you to comply with her house rules. Personally, I tend to disagree with this sort of reasoning, as it can sometimes result in emotional blackmail—which may be occurring in your case?

I'm also not sure why your mum apparently spends so much time in your bedroom? After all, she needs to acknowledge, and respect, that it is your personal space, and you should be able to treat it as that—within reason of course. What posters you choose to hang on your walls should ideally be yours, and yours alone.

—And by the way, your English is far, far better than my Greek!

με εκτίμηση Smile

Yea, I've pointed out before religious parents don't ever see their children as adults and carry religious abuse, and child abuse for that mater long into adulthood.

@the OP
Dude I don't want to give you bad advice, I really don't. So take anything I say at face value because, I get what you're going through and well..... My solutions have always been very hard on me, I hope you find a better way.

But having said that I do have a few thoughts on the matter which have guided my solutions. 1 If you don't treat yourself like an adult how can you expect anyone else to treat you like one 2 you are an adult, the argument "my house my rules" is bullshit 3 I'd personally rather kill myself than live with my parents, I'm 36 and have spend most of my life fending for myself since I was 15 or 16 years old, because my parents would (and still will) abuse me every time I was living at home. I couldn't deal with it then and chose the streets rather than my drunk ass dad's bullshit, or their religious asinine bullshit. I know it's not easy but don't be afraid to take steps towards independence, I know parents can threaten to kick you out on your ass and that can be terrifying, it's one of the way's abusive relationships are perpetuated. I've seen lots of people your age stuck in similar situations, and while I took a different path, I can fully appreciate how they make you feel like you're between a rock and a hard place. However. As scary as it is, if you get kicked out on your ass, or even if you don't, you can survive. And I think you prolly will, and here's why. If you need someone to help send me a PM there are others too that won't let you face these hardships alone. If that makes any sense at all.

DLJ Wrote:And, yes, the principle of freedom of expression works both ways... if someone starts shit, better shit is the best counter-argument.
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12-07-2017, 02:10 PM
RE: Problem with my room and my mom
Ok, so you are 24?
Take the images off, no discussion, no asking. If she gives you a room in her house, it is your space. Especially as you are 24, she should respect your decision on how you want your room. Tell her that you are willing to keep one at the door as a compromise so she feels good and you have your peace. Her depression or not, she is an adult too and should act like one.
Then find a job, an apartment, and move out.
I don't see the problem.

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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12-07-2017, 04:10 PM
RE: Problem with my room and my mom
(12-07-2017 02:10 PM)Leerob Wrote:  Ok, so you are 24?
Take the images off, no discussion, no asking. If she gives you a room in her house, it is your space. Especially as you are 24, she should respect your decision on how you want your room. Tell her that you are willing to keep one at the door as a compromise so she feels good and you have your peace. Her depression or not, she is an adult too and should act like one.
Then find a job, an apartment, and move out.
I don't see the problem.

Agreed, though as I see it....

The real problem isn't the images. It's the manipulative emotional abuse that allows this behavior to perpetuate itself.

Telling someone they better act in XY and Z and cave into your demands otherwise you will kill yourself is highly manipulative emotional abuse, cut from the same cloth. While this may not be as extreme the same tools are employed to keep the victim hooked and scared to leave. It's something that started from day 1 and won't end unless the victim learns to assert themselves (I'm not advocating being an ass, I like your idea of a compromise, put one image on the outside of the door where mum can see and bam easy peasy solution. I like it. At 24 your mother shouldn't be going in your room anyway, not without permission. Even if it IS her house, invading your personal space is emasculating? dehumanizing? idk it's something negative though, it's certainly a sign that she doesn't respect you, so that's another thing that needs to be enforced if your parents do that). Best solution though is to find a way to live on your own, the more/longer you do that the more you'll develop a sense of self and independence and the less likely you'll put up with bullshit. ESPECIALLY if you can make friends who are supportive of you (I highly recommend this, I"ve pretty much never had friends and it lends to the struggles I've told you about. Trying to do it alone will compromise your judgement and emotions, make friends dude I can't stress that enough)

DLJ Wrote:And, yes, the principle of freedom of expression works both ways... if someone starts shit, better shit is the best counter-argument.
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