Problems with Christian roommate
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11-01-2015, 06:15 AM
RE: Problems with Christian roommate
(10-01-2015 11:51 PM)Full Circle Wrote:  Insist that the topic of religion is not to be discussed within the walls of the house. Period, end of story.

By this point making any gesture of acquiescense is a waste of time on your part, you two are now in adversarial roles, she put you there. You can whimper or you can tell the born-again-Censored to back off.

Dude, seriously, grow a pair...no disrespect.

Yes, make no mistake about it, there is a bullying, controlling side of Christianity and this is what the OP is experiencing. You do not have to put up with this, call her out when she pulls any domineering crap on you.

I seriously doubt that you can salvage this friendship when someone is infected with this type of mentality. I lost a life-long friend because of his domineering attitude that he believed was justified by his fundamentalist beliefs, being a jerk for Jesus is no excuse.

Gods derive their power from post-hoc rationalizations. -The Inquisition

Using the supernatural to explain events in your life is a failure of the intellect to comprehend the world around you. -The Inquisition
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11-01-2015, 06:40 AM
RE: Problems with Christian roommate
Damn, I hate when things like this happen. Relationships change over time and it always sucks when/if you're stuck with that person that changes for the worse. I have to go with Bows and Arrows on this one. Make that fine line and tell her to stop. State that you have yet to pull that kind of shit on her and that you won't tolerate her pushing her ideals onto you. Tell her that you will not bother her and will refrain from interacting with her on the basis that she does not say those sort of things to you. Though it would be good to be all "that's what you say" or "whatever" when she says those sort of things, something tells me this might get worse if you don't tell her to stop. If she doesn't, tell her, ignore her or say something to the effect of, "I asked you to stop. I respect you by not poking at your beliefs but apparently you lack the ability to respect me." Rip into her Christianity if you must. Personally, I'd try to ignore her first just because sometimes people give up if they don't feel/know they aren't heard (and I'm more of a pacifist).

Needless to say, when your lease is up, move out. Or, do you have any other friends up there with extra room? If you do, maybe threaten to move out if she continues? Then again, with a lease, you might be screwed if she can't pay up all by herself (renter's history-wise)....still, move out when the lease is up.

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11-01-2015, 07:05 AM
RE: Problems with Christian roommate
If you want some fun, spend all night asking her about Satan.

Then become a Satanist.

Let her know that she is responsible.
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11-01-2015, 10:18 AM
RE: Problems with Christian roommate
(10-01-2015 10:19 PM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  I don't think there is any way to sugar coat it. You just have to tell her to stop. That if she doesnt want to be friends- fine. But you won't tolerate the insults anymore. You can agree to live politely and be respectfull with each other or she can just stop speaking to you.

if she continues after that, both barrells, start blowing holes in her philosophy. She came to school for an education- give her one.

We used to get into debates about it, and I fear that they only pushed her further into her church community. You are right, I just have to be straight with her about what is going on. I am to the point where I don't even care if she wants me to be her friend or not, I don't really want to have a friend who continues to impact my identity and confidence in such a negative way.

Thanks!
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11-01-2015, 10:23 AM
RE: Problems with Christian roommate
(11-01-2015 06:40 AM)Miss Suzanne Wrote:  Needless to say, when your lease is up, move out. Or, do you have any other friends up there with extra room? If you do, maybe threaten to move out if she continues? Then again, with a lease, you might be screwed if she can't pay up all by herself (renter's history-wise)....still, move out when the lease is up.

Thanks! She is actually leaving our apartment when the term is up to live with some friends! I think that it is healthier for both of us. I have already found another roomie HeartThumbsup
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11-01-2015, 10:27 AM
RE: Problems with Christian roommate
(11-01-2015 10:23 AM)historyhistory Wrote:  
(11-01-2015 06:40 AM)Miss Suzanne Wrote:  Needless to say, when your lease is up, move out. Or, do you have any other friends up there with extra room? If you do, maybe threaten to move out if she continues? Then again, with a lease, you might be screwed if she can't pay up all by herself (renter's history-wise)....still, move out when the lease is up.

Thanks! She is actually leaving our apartment when the term is up to live with some friends! I think that it is healthier for both of us. I have already found another roomie HeartThumbsup

maybe you can find a way to move the time table up a little.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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11-01-2015, 10:29 AM
RE: Problems with Christian roommate
(10-01-2015 11:51 PM)Full Circle Wrote:  Insist that the topic of religion is not to be discussed within the walls of the house. Period, end of story.

By this point making any gesture of acquiescense is a waste of time on your part, you two are now in adversarial roles, she put you there. You can whimper or you can tell the born-again-Censored to back off.

Dude, seriously, grow a pair...no disrespect.

Haha, thanks. I really do need to "grow a pair." This is something I have struggled with for my ENTIRE life. I don't have to be mean about it to be honest about it, and I often feel that if being honest might hurt someone's feelings that it is best to just not say anything. But, this experience with my roommate has actually helped me grow some balls...slowly, but they are there!

I never realized it before. I can actually use this as a learning experience to practice putting my opinion out there with conviction, regardless of its potential harm. Thank you for making me see this in another light!
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11-01-2015, 10:32 AM
RE: Problems with Christian roommate
(11-01-2015 10:27 AM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  
(11-01-2015 10:23 AM)historyhistory Wrote:  Thanks! She is actually leaving our apartment when the term is up to live with some friends! I think that it is healthier for both of us. I have already found another roomie HeartThumbsup

maybe you can find a way to move the time table up a little.

My new roomie can't move in until the end of this semester as she is a transfer from another university, and my current roomie won't have a place to stay. So, a good idea, but not exactly a do-able one. I think this might be a good learning opportunity if I use it smartly. Thanks!
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11-01-2015, 11:34 AM
RE: Problems with Christian roommate
(11-01-2015 10:29 AM)historyhistory Wrote:  
(10-01-2015 11:51 PM)Full Circle Wrote:  Insist that the topic of religion is not to be discussed within the walls of the house. Period, end of story.

By this point making any gesture of acquiescense is a waste of time on your part, you two are now in adversarial roles, she put you there. You can whimper or you can tell the born-again-Censored to back off.

Dude, seriously, grow a pair...no disrespect.

Haha, thanks. I really do need to "grow a pair." This is something I have struggled with for my ENTIRE life. I don't have to be mean about it to be honest about it, and I often feel that if being honest might hurt someone's feelings that it is best to just not say anything. But, this experience with my roommate has actually helped me grow some balls...slowly, but they are there!

I never realized it before. I can actually use this as a learning experience to practice putting my opinion out there with conviction, regardless of its potential harm. Thank you for making me see this in another light!

Glad you took my post in the spirit intended Thumbsup

Most people hate confrontation, I avoided it for most of my life. As the years have passed I have become less and less tolerant of people who put me in uncomfortable positions. I came to realize that my time on this earth is short and putting up with someone else’s shit is not on my to-do list.

This roomate of yours is upsetting you profoundly as per your OP. Make her stop. Ask nicely, then not so nicely, then be as fucking rude as needed until she gets the message. Did you start this? No. Conscience is clear.

Learning to assert yourself has great benefits, it builds your confidence, you then become more comfortable in your own skin and eventually it becomes a habit like anything else. Remember, no one has the right to impose on your well being or on your time, this can only happen if you let them.

Let us know how it goes.

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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11-01-2015, 12:23 PM
RE: Problems with Christian roommate
This is the perfect time for you to learn to establish boundaries and to hold them. It will pay off in lots of areas of your life in the years ahead.

The decision is made, you have a semester to go...next time she brings up something you feel is an attack or criticism, tell her so and that you are done with the conversation.

I have some pretty religious friends but the boundaries are clear. We can also talk about religion without it being emotional or overly personal. Some knew me when I belonged to a church and a couple I met after I was an out atheist. It's a respect thing. Your roommate needs to learn that.

Good luck and do well with your studies!

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat

Are my Chakras on straight?
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