Psychology of guns
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28-10-2015, 09:45 AM
RE: Psychology of guns
(27-10-2015 08:15 PM)Hobbitgirl Wrote:  Yes. Clearly a stable individual who needs a gun.

Simply a person who is fed up with unrealistic, ideology-driven arguments from the ignorant. Drinking Beverage

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Science is not a subject, but a method.
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28-10-2015, 09:58 AM
RE: Psychology of guns
(28-10-2015 09:45 AM)Chas Wrote:  
(27-10-2015 08:15 PM)Hobbitgirl Wrote:  Yes. Clearly a stable individual who needs a gun.

Simply a person who is fed up with unrealistic, ideology-driven arguments from the ignorant. Drinking Beverage

Yet somehow you manage not to sound like a lunatic while voicing the same opinion. Drinking Beverage
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28-10-2015, 10:31 AM
RE: Psychology of guns
(28-10-2015 08:18 AM)JDog554 Wrote:  
(28-10-2015 07:41 AM)julep Wrote:  Yes, really.

Consider how many men think it's okay to whistle or yell a comment about nice tits or order a woman walking down the street by herself to smile. Now consider: do these same men make similar comments to a lone male who they don't know? Do they make comments to a woman who is walking with a man? It's asserting power and dominance over a person who is deemed to be weaker. That's why it can be thought of as an imposition. Caveat: not all women see it this way, but the majority of women I have ever met do, and I do too. Women don't ignore these comments, but responding to them is usually not productive or makes the situation more dangerous, because if you indicate the comments aren't welcome, that makes some men really, really angry. So you just keep walking.

This is a completely different situation of course than being at a social event where people are trying to get to know each other and complimenting an aspect of a person's appearance as you're having a conversation with them.

So it's not ok to tell a woman standing next to you waiting to cross the street that her hat is cute or she has a nice smile? What If I said "It's so bright outside, you must have been smiling."?

The problem with that, from my personal experience, is that the woman doesn't know at all what the next step in this comment chain is. Sometimes, if you acknowledge it with a smile or a thank you, the guy smiles and you both go your separate ways, day a bit brighter.

But too often, it goes in this direction:
"nice smile"
me: thanks
"and I like your hair" or
me: thanks
"So you want to go somewhere and get a coffee"
me: no but thanks
"what, you think you're too good for me? You bitch. What, you're going to walk away from me?" and it goes downhill from there

Sometimes it goes right from nice smile right to nice ass and then to the hostility.

Unfortunately, there is no way to tell from the guy's dress or demeanor what's going to happen. I know that's unfair to the multitude of nice guys out there--the assholes are making it harder for you to make connections.

If you said "It's so bright outside, you must have been smiling" to me on the street, I would half smile and nod and then keep my eyes down and hope that was enough to stop the interaction. If you said the same thing to me at a party or in a bar, my reaction would be entirely different--much more welcoming because the expectations are that you're there to meet and interact with people.
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28-10-2015, 10:38 AM
RE: Psychology of guns
(28-10-2015 08:18 AM)JDog554 Wrote:  So it's not ok to tell a woman standing next to you waiting to cross the street that her hat is cute or she has a nice smile?

I would say that's strange. I can't imagine myself doing it.

I don't need random strangers to compliment me so I imagine women feel/could feel the same.

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28-10-2015, 10:42 AM
RE: Psychology of guns
(28-10-2015 08:18 AM)JDog554 Wrote:  So it's not ok to tell a woman standing next to you waiting to cross the street that her hat is cute or she has a nice smile? What If I said "It's so bright outside, you must have been smiling."?

I would say it depends on how you say it and to whom. That's the difficult part about this issue. It's not so much about what is said, but how and under which circomstances.

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28-10-2015, 10:47 AM
RE: Psychology of guns
(28-10-2015 09:27 AM)Slowminded Wrote:  
(28-10-2015 07:41 AM)julep Wrote:  Yes, really.

Consider how many men think it's okay to whistle or yell a comment about nice tits or order a woman walking down the street by herself to smile. Now consider: do these same men make similar comments to a lone male who they don't know? Do they make comments to a woman who is walking with a man? It's asserting power and dominance over a person who is deemed to be weaker. That's why it can be thought of as an imposition. Caveat: not all women see it this way, but the majority of women I have ever met do, and I do too. Women don't ignore these comments, but responding to them is usually not productive or makes the situation more dangerous, because if you indicate the comments aren't welcome, that makes some men really, really angry. So you just keep walking.

This is a completely different situation of course than being at a social event where people are trying to get to know each other and complimenting an aspect of a person's appearance as you're having a conversation with them.
What do you mean by "deemed to be weaker" ? Physically weaker? Why does that that play any role, is there an assumption of a physical altercation where that would be of importance?
If you don`t mean physically weaker, than in what way is she "deemed weaker" and based on what ?

By deemed weaker, I mean of lesser power in a particular structure; this doesn't have necessarily to do with strength as much as with fewer options to respond and act. Boss to subordinate is a power relationship. Parent/adult/teacher to child. In some men's minds, man to woman. There are lots of unequal power relationships in everybody's life. The person with more power gets more choice over actions and speech. Bosses can speak sharply to their subordinates. Customers can be abusive and demeaning to a waiter. Teachers tell the kids to be quiet, etc. The converse is not true.

When a man starts following me along a quiet street and tells me how much I'm going to love it when he fucks me (yes, this has happened to me) it seems to me that his actions and speech come from his feeling that he has the power and status to treat me as someone whose personal wishes can be disregarded. I'm not saying I agree that I am less powerful than this person, just that he acts as though I am.
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28-10-2015, 11:09 AM
RE: Psychology of guns
(28-10-2015 10:31 AM)julep Wrote:  
(28-10-2015 08:18 AM)JDog554 Wrote:  So it's not ok to tell a woman standing next to you waiting to cross the street that her hat is cute or she has a nice smile? What If I said "It's so bright outside, you must have been smiling."?

The problem with that, from my personal experience, is that the woman doesn't know at all what the next step in this comment chain is. Sometimes, if you acknowledge it with a smile or a thank you, the guy smiles and you both go your separate ways, day a bit brighter.

But too often, it goes in this direction:
"nice smile"
me: thanks
"and I like your hair" or
me: thanks
"So you want to go somewhere and get a coffee"
me: no but thanks
"what, you think you're too good for me? You bitch. What, you're going to walk away from me?" and it goes downhill from there

Sometimes it goes right from nice smile right to nice ass and then to the hostility.

Unfortunately, there is no way to tell from the guy's dress or demeanor what's going to happen. I know that's unfair to the multitude of nice guys out there--the assholes are making it harder for you to make connections.

If you said "It's so bright outside, you must have been smiling" to me on the street, I would half smile and nod and then keep my eyes down and hope that was enough to stop the interaction. If you said the same thing to me at a party or in a bar, my reaction would be entirely different--much more welcoming because the expectations are that you're there to meet and interact with people.

110 percent agree. I am sure there are some nice guys and their intentions are meant to be a nice comment about a hat or a smile and that's the end of it--but most random men you see on the street who care about your "cute hat" or "nice smile" have an agenda--and that is for the conversation to go past the "Nice smile" stage. Sometimes conversations are respectful and sometimes they can be rude and degrading and scary. The problem is as a woman you have no way of knowing which way the convo is going to go with some random guy on the street (especially when you have had past bad/scary experiences). I would prefer random men not to tell me about my smile or my "cute" hat. I would prefer they just go about their day and let me get to work or wherever it is I am going. Now if I'm on the train and I have my Red Sox hat on and the guy sitting next to me wants to talk to me about sports and that is why he is mentioning my hat and not that it is "cute" or looks cute on me--I will talk to a guy like that. But when random guys mention things specific to my appearance it does make me feel uncomfortable.
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28-10-2015, 11:13 AM
RE: Psychology of guns
(28-10-2015 10:31 AM)julep Wrote:  
(28-10-2015 08:18 AM)JDog554 Wrote:  So it's not ok to tell a woman standing next to you waiting to cross the street that her hat is cute or she has a nice smile? What If I said "It's so bright outside, you must have been smiling."?

The problem with that, from my personal experience, is that the woman doesn't know at all what the next step in this comment chain is. Sometimes, if you acknowledge it with a smile or a thank you, the guy smiles and you both go your separate ways, day a bit brighter.

But too often, it goes in this direction:
"nice smile"
me: thanks
"and I like your hair" or
me: thanks
"So you want to go somewhere and get a coffee"
me: no but thanks
"what, you think you're too good for me? You bitch. What, you're going to walk away from me?" and it goes downhill from there

Sometimes it goes right from nice smile right to nice ass and then to the hostility.

Unfortunately, there is no way to tell from the guy's dress or demeanor what's going to happen. I know that's unfair to the multitude of nice guys out there--the assholes are making it harder for you to make connections.

If you said "It's so bright outside, you must have been smiling" to me on the street, I would half smile and nod and then keep my eyes down and hope that was enough to stop the interaction. If you said the same thing to me at a party or in a bar, my reaction would be entirely different--much more welcoming because the expectations are that you're there to meet and interact with people.

Ok, I understand now Smile, yeah assholes do ruin things a lot but me personally would never make a girl feel uncomfortable intentionally. I just like to be cheerful and help others with a smile.

"If you keep trying to better yourself that's enough for me. We don't decide which hand we are dealt in life, but we make the decision to play it or fold it" - Nishi Karano Kaze
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28-10-2015, 11:24 AM
RE: Psychology of guns
(28-10-2015 10:38 AM)Szuchow Wrote:  
(28-10-2015 08:18 AM)JDog554 Wrote:  So it's not ok to tell a woman standing next to you waiting to cross the street that her hat is cute or she has a nice smile?

I would say that's strange. I can't imagine myself doing it.

I don't need random strangers to compliment me so I imagine women feel/could feel the same.

Well I don't have a lot of self-confidence so if a woman comes up to me and says I have a nice smile it would make me happy. It's just a way of being nice, just keep it small and don't make a big deal out of it. Best case scenario you make a friend or make someones day, worst case, she nods it off and you forget about it in a couple days.

"If you keep trying to better yourself that's enough for me. We don't decide which hand we are dealt in life, but we make the decision to play it or fold it" - Nishi Karano Kaze
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28-10-2015, 11:25 AM
RE: Psychology of guns
(28-10-2015 10:47 AM)julep Wrote:  
(28-10-2015 09:27 AM)Slowminded Wrote:  What do you mean by "deemed to be weaker" ? Physically weaker? Why does that that play any role, is there an assumption of a physical altercation where that would be of importance?
If you don`t mean physically weaker, than in what way is she "deemed weaker" and based on what ?

By deemed weaker, I mean of lesser power in a particular structure; this doesn't have necessarily to do with strength as much as with fewer options to respond and act. Boss to subordinate is a power relationship. Parent/adult/teacher to child. In some men's minds, man to woman. There are lots of unequal power relationships in everybody's life. The person with more power gets more choice over actions and speech. Bosses can speak sharply to their subordinates. Customers can be abusive and demeaning to a waiter. Teachers tell the kids to be quiet, etc. The converse is not true.

When a man starts following me along a quiet street and tells me how much I'm going to love it when he fucks me (yes, this has happened to me) it seems to me that his actions and speech come from his feeling that he has the power and status to treat me as someone whose personal wishes can be disregarded. I'm not saying I agree that I am less powerful than this person, just that he acts as though I am.
Interesting. I would come to a different conclusion. To use waiter/customer analogy , to me it seems more like a waiter spitting in a customers coffee then a customer being demeaning to a waiter, coming from a different perspective on power/status relation between men and women.

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