Questions for God
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21-12-2016, 08:35 PM
Questions for God
I grant you that the reality of interviewing the Almighty is as incomprehensible as it is implausible; probably similar to this Onion spoof below





But if you could get the ear of the I Am That I Am what would you ask Him/Her/It?

"IN THRUST WE TRUST"

"We were conservative Jews and that meant we obeyed God's Commandments until His rules became a royal pain in the ass."

- Joel Chastnoff, The 188th Crybaby Brigade
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21-12-2016, 08:53 PM
RE: Questions for God
Laugh out load I laughed from :20 to the end. Laugh out load

God's such a short tempered dick head.

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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22-12-2016, 08:54 AM
RE: Questions for God
OK god, if you're so goddam smart, why did you have the Jews make the menorah with seven heads. Philo Judaeus asserts they represent the seven planets which included the moon and sun.

Why did you not instead have the Jews form the menorah with nine heads and make the center one removable so that when the Neil DeGrasse-Tyson and the IAU demoted Pluto from planet to dwarf planet then the menorah would still correctly represent the solar system? After all, your scriptures tell us that dwarfs are not pure.

You see, god, this would have become a legitimate piece of evidence for your existence, however paltry. Then we wouldn't need Ken Ham and other con artists to invent circular arguments for your existence.

As Bugs Bunny used to say (and we have actual film footage of his existence): "WHAT A MOROON!"
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22-12-2016, 09:15 AM
RE: Questions for God
(21-12-2016 08:53 PM)dancefortwo Wrote:  Laugh out load I laughed from :20 to the end. Laugh out load

God's such a short tempered dick head.
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22-12-2016, 09:23 AM
RE: Questions for God
And another thing, Why did you give us five appendages on each hand instead of four? Do you have any idea how hard it is to convert base 10 numbering to any number system readable by a computer? The pinky finger could have been left off as it is not used to play the guitar or banjo. And the ring finger could have been tapered at the end so as to be used for picking one's nose.
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22-12-2016, 09:44 AM
RE: Questions for God
I'm not done with you mister! Why did you give me a brain capable of thinking of inappropriate things like bacon sandwiches and sex with the neighbor and then tell me I can't do that? I'm still waiting for your answer!
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04-02-2017, 05:12 PM
RE: Questions for God
You could have banned slavery or shellfish. Shellfish. You chose shellfish. Why on earth did you do that?
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04-02-2017, 05:34 PM
RE: Questions for God
I'd ask him to make everything I touch turn into a vagina (except my penis).
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04-02-2017, 08:27 PM
RE: Questions for God
At the risk of making this thread more serious...

I went to a youth group when I was about 13 because...girlfriend. Her father was a minister...and in one of the groups he asked "if Jesus appeared to you, and you could ask him any question, what would you ask?"

I don't remember what the other kids questions were...but when he asked me what my question for Jesus would be...

It was "why does my mother have to suffer so long(She had ALS)? If you needed her in heaven for some reason then take her... if you don't need her in heaven then why don't you heal her."

The minister said something like...well maybe, or perhaps, or it might be that...or something like that.

I said to him "No...that was not a question for you, it was a question I would ask Jesus"

He said we could talk about it if I wanted too.

I said "Why?"

A friend in the hole

"If we're going to be damned, let's be damned for what we really are." - Captain Picard
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05-02-2017, 07:51 PM
RE: Questions for God
"Good morning sir. Do you have a moment to talk about the Lord?"

If there is no bigger meaning, then the smallest act of kindness is the greatest thing in the world.

Every world spins in pain. If there is any kind of supreme being, it is up to all of us to become his moral superior.

| (• ◡•)|  (❍ᴥ❍ʋ)
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