RE: Santa vs Jesus: The Showdown + others
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15-11-2012, 08:28 PM (This post was last modified: 15-11-2012 10:16 PM by Buddy Christ.)
Santa vs Jesus: The Showdown + others
Next Fight: Mohammad vs The Tooth Fairy

Tale of the Tape:

Age: 40
Height: 6'3''
Weight: 140 pounds dripping wet

Hailing from the sandy paradise of Mecca, Mohammad is a tall gangly fellow with a long reach and a well documented history of violence. Mohammad is the only professional fighter who would actually take a fight against a woman, arrogantly claiming, "Women are objects and need to submit to the dominance of men. The Tooth Fairy will know the power of Allah before this fight is over." Fans of Mohammad are often absent from his fights, citing the complete restriction to even mention Mohammad's name in the fight card as one of many reasons. His image is also off-limits, causing confusion from blank fight billboards. Even black silhouettes are forbidden and so onlookers are misled into thinking the opponent is fighting no one. Mohammad's fights are often bloody and filled with unprovoked rage. During the pre-fight interview, Muhammad played the victim while asserting wild, antisemitic claims about his opponent.

The Tooth Fairy
Age: Unknown
Height: Unknown
Weight: Unknown

The Tooth Fairy has never been seen outside of the ring. On weigh-in day, she was a no show, but the next day her fight application was mysteriously left under the boxing commissioner's pillow. It is rumored that her name is actually a nickname she earned in the prison fighting circuit. She would knock out so many of her opponent's teeth that she began collecting them as a souvenir. Her trainers, nicknamed Candy and Soda, ensure that she stays in perfect shape and keeps her collection growing. She is less known for her power and more for her uncharted agility. She can slip into a ring and claim victory before the opponent even sees her.

The Fight

Mohammad begins the fight with a loud "Allahu Akbar!" battle cry and storms out of his corner. He circles the Tooth Fairy, pushing what appears to be a button connected to something under his boxing robe, becoming more and more panicked when nothing happens. The Tooth Fairy takes advantage and delivers a "Lights Out" punch, tiring the Middle Easterner and claiming her first tooth of the night. The fight is paused momentarily as the referee warns a mob of angry Jewish spectators for throwing bagels into the ring. When the fight resumes, Muhammad delivers a patented "Suicide Punch," delivering the blow in a tackling fashion that takes down the Tooth Fairy and Muhammad at the same time. The ref is unsure how to respond and allows them both to regain their footing before continuing. With Muhammad quickly running out of tricks, the Tooth Fairy makes short work of the opponent's frail and strangely non-muscular frame inside of 3 rounds. The Tooth Fairy is disqualified, however, when the ref discovers that her gloves are stuffs with quarters. Mrs Fairy was escorted out of the arena, pleading, "But I don't have pockets, where am I supposed to put them?" Before Muhammad can accept his victory, a click is heard and he and the nearest 50 people are engulfed in a ball of flame.

Winner: Draw

"Ain't got no last words to say, yellow streak right up my spine. The gun in my mouth was real and the taste blew my mind."

"We see you cry. We turn your head. Then we slap your face. We see you try. We see you fail. Some things never change."
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Santa vs Jesus: The Showdown + others - Buddy Christ - 15-11-2012 08:28 PM
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