Racism In Skyrim
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02-09-2013, 12:05 PM (This post was last modified: 04-09-2013 09:48 PM by Hughsie.)
Racism In Skyrim
Video Game Racism with Ferdinand and Hughsie!

Altmer (High Elves): +50 Magicka; Regenerate magicka 25x faster for 60 seconds, once per day; +10 Illusion, +5 Alteration, Conjuration, Destruction, Enchanting, Restoration,
Additional Spell: Fury

High Elves are probably one of the most useless races in Skyrim. Nobody even uses magic, and if you do, you are a pussy.

Argonian: Resist Disease 50%, Waterbreathing, Higher unarmed damage, Recover health 10x faster for 60 seconds, once per day; +10 Lockpicking
+5 Alteration, Light Armor, Pickpocket, Restoration, Sneak

Nobody cares about disease, because disease hardly does any damage- and if you die by disease, you're a pussy, and you shouldn't be playing this game. Nobody cares about water breathing- it is literally the most pointless fucking thing imaginable. There are only two quests in the entire game that you must go under water to find some shit, and you literally aren't even under water for that long. And even if you are, it's not a big fucking deal to resurface for one second, and go back under. Water breathing is not a crucial trait, and will not help you at all in Skyrim. Argonion's look stupid as hell, also. Who wants to look like a fucking lizard? And unarmed damage? Are you serious? Why are you fighting naked anyways? I can understand if it's that one quest where you go to this ball in Solitude, but it's easy to snag some Elven armor if you haven't obtained your own. Also, nobody cares about regaining health 10x faster. This is why you stuff your inventory with mother fucking cheese wheels.

Bosmer (Wood Elves): Resist Poison 50%, Resist Disease 50%; Make an animal an ally for 60 seconds, once per day; +10 Archery, +5 Alchemy, Light Armor, Lockpicking, Pickpocket, Sneak

50% poison resistance can actually come in handy because poison is literally one of the most annoying pieces of shit in Skyim. Also, you can command animals to fight shit for you, even though you probably won't ever use that ability anyways.

Breton: Resist Magic 25%, Absorb 50% of the magicka from hostile spells for 60 seconds, once per day; +10 Conjuration, +5 Alchemy, Alteration, Illusion, Restoration, Speech, Additional Spell: Conjure Familiar

BOOOOORRRING. You're part elf part nord? Who gives a fuck. You can absorb magic? Fucking AWESOME. YOU'VE ABSORBED ALL THAT MAGIC BUT YOUR MAGIC'S ALREADY FULL BECAUSE YOU DON'T USE MAGIC ANYWAYS BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT A PUSSY.

Dunmer (Dark Elves): Resist Fire 50%, Opponents getting too close take 8 points of fire damage per second for 60 seconds, once per day; +10 Destruction, +5 Alchemy, Alteration, Illusion, Light Armor, Sneak, Additional Spell: Sparks

Obviously, let's put some racism in Skyrim, and we'll direct it at the BLACK ELVES. Why couldn't we have directed racism at like... a race that isn't black? Bethesda, wtf were you thinking like what even.

Imperial: Imperials always find more gold. Calms nearby people for 60 seconds, once per day. +10 Restoration, +5 Block, Destruction, Enchanting, Heavy Armor, One-handed.

OH HEY. I FIND LOTS OF FUCKING GOLD AND I MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY WHEN I WALK BY THEM. WOOP-DEE-FUCKIN-DOO.

They're excellent at smithing though.

Khajiit: Claws do 12 damage. Improved night vision for 60 seconds, can be used multiple times a day. +10 Sneak, +5 Alchemy, Archery, Lockpicking, Pickpocket, One-handed

Oh, hey, MY CLAWS DO 12 DAMAGE I AM SUCH A BADASS. No, shut up. Ain't nobody gonna be using night vision either. The only person who ever picked a Khajiit was Tartarus and that's because he wanted to be cute... and a dumb shit.

Nord: Resist Frost 50%, Targets flee for 30 seconds, once per day. +10 Two-handed, +5 Block, Light Armor, One-handed, Smithing, Speech

Oooh, you're 50% resistant to cold. Oooh, your battle cry makes villains flee from you. No, you just have a lot of thigh fat that keeps you warm, and you have an ugly voice.

Orc (Orsimer): Abilities: NONE. You take half damage and do double damage for 60 seconds, once per day. +10 Heavy Armor, +5 Block, Enchanting, One-handed, Smithing, Two-handed Additional status: Blood-Kin

They're fuck ugly. Oh, and you can trade with other Orcs in strongholds, but nobody gives a fuck.

Redguard: Resist Poison 50%, Stamina regenerates 10x faster for 60 seconds, once per day. +10 One-handed, +5 Alteration, Archery, Block, Destruction, Smithing

They're not bad, but I don't think Bethesda realized how notably racist they were being when they gave Redguards the traits they gave them...

(03-09-2014 09:12 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  Ferdy is a female with testosterone levels that wouldn't surprise me if her clit was bigger than GirlyMan's little limp dick. And Hughsie thinks he's male but his fatass hasn't seen his pecker in years.
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02-09-2013, 12:06 PM
RE: Racism In Skyrim
No credit for helping you with this analysis/rant?!

Best and worst of Ferdinand .....
Best
Ferdinand: We don't really say 'theist' in Alabama. Here, you're either a Christian, or you're from Afghanistan and we fucking hate you.
Worst
Ferdinand: Everyone from British is so, like, fucking retarded.
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02-09-2013, 12:07 PM
RE: Racism In Skyrim
(02-09-2013 12:05 PM)Ferdinand Wrote:  High Elves are probably one of the most useless races in Skyrim. Nobody even uses magic, and if you do, you are a pussy.

I take it Stevie's a High Elf then?

Best and worst of Ferdinand .....
Best
Ferdinand: We don't really say 'theist' in Alabama. Here, you're either a Christian, or you're from Afghanistan and we fucking hate you.
Worst
Ferdinand: Everyone from British is so, like, fucking retarded.
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02-09-2013, 12:07 PM
RE: Racism In Skyrim
(02-09-2013 12:06 PM)Hughsie Wrote:  No credit for helping you with this analysis/rant?!

No.

(03-09-2014 09:12 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  Ferdy is a female with testosterone levels that wouldn't surprise me if her clit was bigger than GirlyMan's little limp dick. And Hughsie thinks he's male but his fatass hasn't seen his pecker in years.
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02-09-2013, 12:08 PM
RE: Racism In Skyrim
(02-09-2013 12:06 PM)Hughsie Wrote:  No credit for helping you with this analysis/rant?!

(02-09-2013 12:05 PM)Ferdinand Wrote:  
Video Game Racism with Ferdinand and Hughsie!

That's better. Smile

Best and worst of Ferdinand .....
Best
Ferdinand: We don't really say 'theist' in Alabama. Here, you're either a Christian, or you're from Afghanistan and we fucking hate you.
Worst
Ferdinand: Everyone from British is so, like, fucking retarded.
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02-09-2013, 05:13 PM
RE: Racism In Skyrim
Why is the Dark Elf's Stats racist? They are the best destructionists in the game....and destruction is amazing, magic is amazing, and I would light you on fire and toast marshmallows over your smoldering corpse.

Ugh stupid console edition making me wait another 1/2 year for ESO.

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02-09-2013, 05:36 PM
RE: Racism In Skyrim
(02-09-2013 05:13 PM)ridethespiral Wrote:  Why is the Dark Elf's Stats racist? They are the best destructionists in the game....and destruction is amazing, magic is amazing, and I would light you on fire and toast marshmallows over your smoldering corpse.

Ugh stupid console edition making me wait another 1/2 year for ESO.

Not the stats, the way they are treated. In Windhelm there is the clearest racism in the game as all the Dark Elves are forced to live in the shittiest part of the city, treated like shit by most of the people, and given practically no protection from the guards. They are openly treated as people who are not wanted in the city.

Bethesda could chosen practically any race to have treated like that, which did they choose? The race with the darkest skin. It's so stupid it's funny. Big Grin

Best and worst of Ferdinand .....
Best
Ferdinand: We don't really say 'theist' in Alabama. Here, you're either a Christian, or you're from Afghanistan and we fucking hate you.
Worst
Ferdinand: Everyone from British is so, like, fucking retarded.
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02-09-2013, 06:42 PM
RE: Racism In Skyrim
(02-09-2013 05:36 PM)Hughsie Wrote:  
(02-09-2013 05:13 PM)ridethespiral Wrote:  Why is the Dark Elf's Stats racist? They are the best destructionists in the game....and destruction is amazing, magic is amazing, and I would light you on fire and toast marshmallows over your smoldering corpse.

Ugh stupid console edition making me wait another 1/2 year for ESO.

Not the stats, the way they are treated. In Windhelm there is the clearest racism in the game as all the Dark Elves are forced to live in the shittiest part of the city, treated like shit by most of the people, and given practically no protection from the guards. They are openly treated as people who are not wanted in the city.

Bethesda could chosen practically any race to have treated like that, which did they choose? The race with the darkest skin. It's so stupid it's funny. Big Grin

Except of course for the actual Black Race the redguards. It makes sense in geography since Windhelm is the closest city in Skyrim to Morrowind.

(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense

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02-09-2013, 07:30 PM
Re: Racism In Skyrim
There's intentional racism in all the games of Elder Scrolls.. You are in different home lands.

The Dark Elves are over rules in Morrowind but you really got less racist comments if that was your race chosen talking to many folks. It's good jolly racist lore.

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02-09-2013, 08:05 PM
RE: Racism In Skyrim
(02-09-2013 05:13 PM)ridethespiral Wrote:  Why is the Dark Elf's Stats racist? They are the best destructionists in the game....and destruction is amazing, magic is amazing, and I would light you on fire and toast marshmallows over your smoldering corpse.

Ugh stupid console edition making me wait another 1/2 year for ESO.

I said Redguard's stats were racist.

BECAUSE THEY'RE BLACK AND THEY RUN FAST (stamina stat)

I mean... Unsure

(I'm not racist, I swear, this post is for da lawls. If that's hard to comprehend, why are you on the internet? :lolSmile

(03-09-2014 09:12 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  Ferdy is a female with testosterone levels that wouldn't surprise me if her clit was bigger than GirlyMan's little limp dick. And Hughsie thinks he's male but his fatass hasn't seen his pecker in years.
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