Random Reinterpretations
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23-10-2012, 03:38 AM
RE: Random Reinterpretations
Exodus 17:12 When the hands of Moses became heavy, they took a stone and put it under him, and Aaron and Hur held up his hands, one on one side and one on the other, and so his hands were steady until the sun went down.

What this really means is that if grandpa gets tired, you can stash your drugs under him. If he wakes up just hold his hands toward the sky! The police will blame him automatically.

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23-10-2012, 03:38 AM
RE: Random Reinterpretations
Revelation 1:8

8 “I am the Alpha and the Omega,” says the Lord God, “who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty.”

God likes to masturbate a lot.

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23-10-2012, 03:45 AM
RE: Random Reinterpretations
Exodus 33:19 And the Lord said, “I will make all my goodness pass before your face"

What this really means is that god love facials!

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23-10-2012, 03:50 AM (This post was last modified: 23-10-2012 06:08 AM by Vosur.)
RE: Random Reinterpretations
2 Samuel 22:31

31 This God—his way is perfect;
the word of the Lord proves true;
he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.

God will protect believers who crawl up his ass with his buttshield.

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23-10-2012, 05:38 AM
RE: Random Reinterpretations
“A blessing on anyone who seizes your babies and shatters them against rock” (Ps. 137:9, NJB).
A blessing on anyone who seizes your babies and shatters them against rock.
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23-10-2012, 05:41 AM
RE: Random Reinterpretations
(23-10-2012 05:38 AM)Mark Fulton Wrote:  “A blessing on anyone who seizes your babies and shatters them against rock” (Ps. 137:9, NJB).
A blessing on anyone who seizes your babies and shatters them against rock.

Hmm I think that passage means....

That if somebody forces your girlfriend to do rock cocaine god loves you.

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23-10-2012, 05:47 AM
RE: Random Reinterpretations
Mary was “found to be with child through the Holy Spirit,” (Matt. 1:18, NJB).

She drank too much and woke up pregnant.
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23-10-2012, 05:53 AM
RE: Random Reinterpretations
“How will this be,” Mary asked the angel, “since I am a virgin?” The angel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you...” (Luke 1:26–35, KJV).

Beware of shadowy characters standing by your bed.
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23-10-2012, 06:02 AM
RE: Random Reinterpretations
Esther 3:5

5 When Haman saw that Mordecai was not bowing or paying homage to him, he was filled with rage.

Inb4 anal rape.

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23-10-2012, 06:04 AM
RE: Random Reinterpretations
1 Corinthians 4:5

5 So then, do not judge anything before the time. Wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light the hidden things of darkness and reveal the motives of hearts. Then each will receive recognition from God.

Wait until it's your turn to get a divine facial.

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