Random Reinterpretations
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23-10-2012, 06:13 AM
RE: Random Reinterpretations
Deuteronomy 13:15
15 you must by all means slaughter the inhabitants of that city with the sword; annihilate with the sword everyone in it, as well as the livestock.

Show the neighbouring city how much thou love thy neighbour by ignoring the Ten Commandments ("Thou shalt not kill") and slaughtering every inhabitant.

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23-10-2012, 06:20 AM
RE: Random Reinterpretations
“Now has the Son of Man been glorified, and in him God has been glorified. If God has been glorified in him, God will in turn glorify him in himself, and will glorify him very soon” (John 13:32, NJB).

I'm fucking loopy
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23-10-2012, 06:25 AM
RE: Random Reinterpretations
Joshua 24:1

Joshua assembled all the Israelite tribes at Shechem. He summoned Israel’s elders, rulers, judges, and leaders, and they appeared before God.

Israelites were made from Meccano. Then Josh cast Summon Mage multiple times to get the ruling class.
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23-10-2012, 06:38 AM
RE: Random Reinterpretations
Matthew 10:12

12 As you enter the house, give it your greeting.

Behaving impolite towards buildings can have serious consequences.

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23-10-2012, 06:38 AM
RE: Random Reinterpretations
2 Samuel 16:14 The king and all the people who were with him arrived exhausted at their destination, where David refreshed himself.

This is really telling me that if you are with a bunch of politicians, have a wank!

Member of the Cult of Reason

The atheist is a man who destroys the imaginary things which afflict the human race, and so leads men back to nature, to experience and to reason.
-Baron d'Holbach-
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23-10-2012, 06:45 AM
RE: Random Reinterpretations
“When an unclean spirit goes out of someone it wanders through waterless country looking for a place to rest, and not finding one it says, "I will go back to the home I came from." But on arrival, finding it swept and tidied, it then goes off and brings seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and set up house there, and so that person ends up worse off than before” (Luke 11:24–27, NJB).

We're all fucking loopy
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23-10-2012, 06:52 AM
RE: Random Reinterpretations
Numbers 8:22

22 After this, the Levites went in to do their work in the tent of meeting before Aaron and before his sons. As the Lord had commanded Moses concerning the Levites, so they did.

And hence a wild orgy ensued.

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23-10-2012, 06:56 AM
RE: Random Reinterpretations
Micah 7:9

9 I must endure the Lord’s anger, for I have sinned against him. But then he will defend my cause, and accomplish justice on my behalf. He will lead me out into the light; I will experience firsthand his deliverance.

If you decide to sin, you have to take it up the ass. Plain and simple.

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23-10-2012, 06:58 AM
RE: Random Reinterpretations
“Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders… will inherit the kingdom of God” (1 Cor. 6:9–10, NIV).

Bad luck you were made gay. Now give me one last hug before you go to hell for eternity.
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23-10-2012, 07:04 AM
RE: Random Reinterpretations
Job 1:3

3 His possessions included 7,000 sheep, 3,000 camels, 500 yoke of oxen, and 500 female donkeys; in addition he had a very great household. Thus he was the greatest of all the people in the east.

Good for him. Fuckin' poser.

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