Ranting about the worst person in my life
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07-02-2014, 06:34 AM
Ranting about the worst person in my life
I was really over all of this. I was over the expectations of being with someone who was only going to hurt me continuously, but I was in love with the euphoria a person can rarely cause you. I was even selfish enough to use people, to achieve my goal of moving past this fucking day dream -suddenly-turned-nightmare. I toughed up, and everything soft about me calloused. I just didn't feel anything anymore, and even though I couldn't come anywhere near the feeling of euphoria again, I was just happy I still wasn't lingering on pain.

It's been six months.

Now it's like you've returned, come back out of the clear fucking blue, for one reason and one reason only: to break down the exterior I worked so hard to build. You've pried down my walls with a crowbar, and you're breaking everything down faster than I can hold it up. I feel like it was all for nothing now.

I appreciate the apology, but I can't handle you coming back. You're not welcome here anymore. At all, actually. You're the only person who's ever been able to manipulate my emotions so easily, and I hate that about you. You can spray a cat with water to shut it up, but the moment you lay a hand on it's head, it'll start to purr. That's exactly how I feel, and I fucking despise it. I want it to fucking stop. I want all of the feelings I ever had to go away. I want you to go away. I want it to stop. I hate it that you won't stay away, and I hate it that I can't turn you away. I hate the mixed signals and I hate feeling like I'm drowning again.

The high tide hasn't even come in.
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07-02-2014, 07:35 AM
RE: Ranting about the worst person in my life
((hug))

Are these things you've said to this person you don't want in your life anymore - or are you just venting what you *wished* you'd said to us?

Either way
((double hugs))

So sorry. Heart

When I want your opinion I'll read your entrails.
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