Ranting corner
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14-10-2012, 02:21 AM
RE: Ranting corner
(14-10-2012 02:18 AM)Free Thought Wrote:  True enough, but my point still stands. The fun part is looking for those who you want to change for.

Anybody who wants you to change for them? Fuck 'em. Not worth your time.

(Says the guy with fuck all experience!)

While you may love them to change, I don't think it will ever be mutual because he/she would only be in love with somebody they want, not you.

It may be the fun part searching for somebody you are willing to change for, but in the end, it is more worthwhile to search for someone who love you for who you are.

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14-10-2012, 03:07 AM
RE: Ranting corner
A-squared and FT,

I hate to interrupt but if I may offer a small interjection:

"Who you are" will change.

A good partner needs to change with you and you may have to change with them. If one or neither party can adapt (or adapt at the same rate) there will be tension.

Balanced compromise is sometimes about review / renegotiation / agreement and there may be some pre-defined deal-breakers (exit clauses) that should be established earlier.

The trick is to know your boundaries, understand theirs and decide what is acceptable "tolerance".

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14-10-2012, 03:18 AM
RE: Ranting corner
More sound advise from our host; DLJ. Coming up next, the greatest hits from the 30's.

(Joke being, DLJ appeared out of nowhere to mediate between two parties (A2 and myself) by providing common sense between the two parties ideals, not unlike a talk-show host. Also the music was an old joke.)

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14-10-2012, 03:19 AM
RE: Ranting corner
(14-10-2012 03:07 AM)DLJ Wrote:  A-squared and FT,

I hate to interrupt but if I may offer a small interjection:

"Who you are" will change.

A good partner needs to change with you and you may have to change with them. If one or neither party can adapt (or adapt at the same rate) there will be tension.

Balanced compromise is sometimes about review / renegotiation / agreement and there may be some pre-defined deal-breakers (exit clauses) that should be established earlier.

The trick is to know your boundaries, understand theirs and decide what is acceptable "tolerance".

I am not saying you will stay the same forever, but changing merely because you and your partner are not gelling at the state you are in is not really a good way to go. Of course I am talking about huge changes, changes that are drastic and made just to please the partner.

Small changes are natural, and it is fine that you tune yourself a tiny bit for the better partnership, but when things are so off base that you feel pressured into changing just to keep the partner around, I would rather think that finding somebody who doesn't need that much of a drastic change is a better option. Beauty, love, and devotion should be with the things we have, not with a thing that requires change in order to fully love them.

It is just my personal opinion that if the partner doesn't like you for yourself, and you need to change for him/her, it isn't really love for you, but for the person he wants you to become.

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14-10-2012, 03:22 AM
RE: Ranting corner
(14-10-2012 03:18 AM)Free Thought Wrote:  More sound advise from our host; DLJ. Coming up next, the greatest hits from the 30's.

(Joke being, DLJ appeared out of nowhere to mediate between two parties (A2 and myself) by providing common sense between the two parties ideals, not unlike a talk-show host. Also the music was an old joke.)

Oh stop kissing up youTongue

Nah, seriously, thanks for the insight DLJ.

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14-10-2012, 03:55 AM
RE: Ranting corner
It's cold, I'm tired, I got a headache, I got no money, its my last week of university next week (befor exams), that bitch hasn't contacted me back about buying the petrol station.

fml.

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14-10-2012, 11:42 AM
RE: Ranting corner
(14-10-2012 03:19 AM)Atothetheist Wrote:  ... Beauty, love, and devotion...

I'm thinking that this conversation deserves its own thread (maybe in your teen forum where oldies like me can't intrude).

I don't want to seem pessimistic and crush your romantic notions but beauty and love will fade. Not just with age but with familiarity.
Devotion / loyalty is a necessary (but not sufficient) quality and is akin to the concept of trust.

I'm writing a training course about this right now so to share a little...
Three things that strong and confident relationships need:
Quality (as defined by common goals)
Trust (devotion, loyalty, fiduciary)
Security (confidentiality, integrity and sharing).

These are underpinned by:
Fairness, accountability, transparency.

And help to fulfill these needs:
Benefits realisation, risk optimisation, resource optimisation.

Any thoughts?

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14-10-2012, 12:20 PM
RE: Ranting corner
(14-10-2012 11:42 AM)DLJ Wrote:  
(14-10-2012 03:19 AM)Atothetheist Wrote:  ... Beauty, love, and devotion...

I'm thinking that this conversation deserves its own thread (maybe in your teen forum where oldies like me can't intrude).

I don't want to seem pessimistic and crush your romantic notions but beauty and love will fade. Not just with age but with familiarity.
Devotion / loyalty is a necessary (but not sufficient) quality and is akin to the concept of trust.

I'm writing a training course about this right now so to share a little...
Three things that strong and confident relationships need:
Quality (as defined by common goals)
Trust (devotion, loyalty, fiduciary)
Security (confidentiality, integrity and sharing).

These are underpinned by:
Fairness, accountability, transparency.

And help to fulfill these needs:
Benefits realisation, risk optimisation, resource optimisation.

Any thoughts?

Can I do that in Excel?
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14-10-2012, 01:25 PM
RE: Ranting corner
(14-10-2012 12:20 PM)morondog Wrote:  
(14-10-2012 11:42 AM)DLJ Wrote:  I'm thinking that this conversation deserves its own thread (maybe in your teen forum where oldies like me can't intrude).

I don't want to seem pessimistic and crush your romantic notions but beauty and love will fade. Not just with age but with familiarity.
Devotion / loyalty is a necessary (but not sufficient) quality and is akin to the concept of trust.

I'm writing a training course about this right now so to share a little...
Three things that strong and confident relationships need:
Quality (as defined by common goals)
Trust (devotion, loyalty, fiduciary)
Security (confidentiality, integrity and sharing).

These are underpinned by:
Fairness, accountability, transparency.

And help to fulfill these needs:
Benefits realisation, risk optimisation, resource optimisation.

Any thoughts?

Can I do that in Excel?

Oddly enough, I have an excel version but I will be updating it in the new year.

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14-10-2012, 08:08 PM
RE: Ranting corner
[Rant] So, as I have mentioned a few times before on the forums I left active duty in the Navy, and I am now a reservist. I don't want to be in anymore and have become increasingly mediocre as time has gone by because I have no motivation for the military anymore. Unfortunately, I still look really good on paper because I used to give a shit, and volunteered for a bunch of shit, spent a lot of time improving this and that, have a ton of medals, LOA's, LOC's, SOM/SOQ, Plankowner, and expeditionary forces history, yadda, yadda, yadda. I have quit volunteering for anything unless I am really bored, I have pushed the grooming regulations to the limit, I show up at the last minute (but not late), and have 0 collateral duties. This weekend I got put in charge of a small division due to my "outstanding leadership" by my superiors. Just what the fuck do I have to do people? Jesus fucking christ. Now if I don't give a shit it will severely impact the career of those below me. They are forcing me to either care or fuck over some people that may want to be in my position someday. I don't want to fuck people over (and I won't), but I definitely do not want to dedicate anymore time or effort than I have to. If I refuse the position I will really be looked at as a big shitbag and will be singled out for that. Damned if I do, damned if I don't. Angry [/Rant]

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