Ranting corner
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13-06-2015, 08:13 PM
RE: Ranting corner
(13-06-2015 07:44 PM)Nurse Wrote:  
(13-06-2015 07:25 PM)onlinebiker Wrote:  Just keep it in mind -----

People can have friends, acquaintances, allies, and loves -- that directly conflict with your friends, acquaintances, allies and loves...........................

If you insist that all of "your" people, agree with all "their" people --- it's going to be problematic..................

Best bet ???

Make allowances.........

Other people can love others, that you don't -- and you, at the same time..............

It doesn't diminish what the two of you have..........

It just allows it to be...........


...

That's usually good enough............
Thanks. That's a good way to look at it. And I'm sure she's an absolutely lovely person.

I think I figured out what I'm feeling? Maybe? I just don't know how to word it. I don't want to be replaced. Not completely replaced. I've already been mostly replaced.


Fuck it. If he calls her mom, so be it. I ought to offer to sell my rings to him so he can put them on her finger. So she can fill the role of Mrs. Cop 2.0 properly.

Hug

In my opinion, you *can't* be replaced. Not really. Maybe your son will like this woman and maybe he won't. Maybe he'll call her mom and maybe he won't. But even if he does both of those things, you are still his mother and I don't believe anything could change that. Hug

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13-06-2015, 08:19 PM
RE: Ranting corner
(13-06-2015 07:46 PM)Anjele Wrote:  
(13-06-2015 07:15 PM)Nurse Wrote:  Dodgy my son has met her mom. And been in her pool and hottub. The things I learn when the boy and I do dinner dates at the Mexican restaurant.

I texted my ex that it must be serious if he AND our son are meeting the parents, and that I was only slightly irritated. Also said I was appalled at the notion that he would introduce our son to someone that *wasn't* serious - while it's not my business what they do on his time I care about how it affects him as he forms attachments so easily. And that I would prefer to find out from him or Facebook if he puts a ring on her finger, just not from our son. But that it would affect me much less than being blindsided like last month.

And then I said if he starts calling her mom I would flip my shit and that it's a line that couldn't be crossed.
.....


I don't know how I feel about this. I don't know what I'm supposed to feel. It's not a happy emotion, whatever it is.


And this was such a good day. An incredible day. Like riding to the water park with the sunroof open, windows down, hair blowing, hazy mountains in the distance with this song playing, shortly after finding out I got approved for my apartment and I move in next week:




I am going to try to be gentle and tell you something that I learned along the way...and mind you, it wasn't something I learned (or liked) without some resistance.

I was a single mom at 20. I married and had another daughter. Husband's family accepted my daughter 100%...she was treated like blood family. Husband died when our daughter was three. Remarried (like a dumb ass). His family wasn't as accepting, in fact they were quite the opposite. We had a son...my kids still pretty much nonentities. Along the way made many friends due to a military life and they became surrogate family. After seven years we divorced. His next wife treated all three kids like pieces of shit. The wife after that was/is wonderful to my son. By then my daughters were pretty much grown.

I had to learn that the more people loved and cared about the kids, the better. I don't have to super thrilled about the situation but having dealt with stepmothers and stepgrandparents who were horrible, I learned to appreciate the ones who were awesome.

We used to say that if my ex and his wife ever divorced, we wanted custody of her.

As long as your son is loved and cared for...that's the most important thing.

Your feelings are still quite raw. Take a step back and a breath. Be vigilant, not defiant.

Thank you for helping me put things in perspective.
Hug

She sounds like a great person. And my son is always singing her praises. I certainly prefer that to someone hateful or neglectful.

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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13-06-2015, 08:35 PM
RE: Ranting corner
(13-06-2015 08:19 PM)Nurse Wrote:  
(13-06-2015 07:46 PM)Anjele Wrote:  I am going to try to be gentle and tell you something that I learned along the way...and mind you, it wasn't something I learned (or liked) without some resistance.

I was a single mom at 20. I married and had another daughter. Husband's family accepted my daughter 100%...she was treated like blood family. Husband died when our daughter was three. Remarried (like a dumb ass). His family wasn't as accepting, in fact they were quite the opposite. We had a son...my kids still pretty much nonentities. Along the way made many friends due to a military life and they became surrogate family. After seven years we divorced. His next wife treated all three kids like pieces of shit. The wife after that was/is wonderful to my son. By then my daughters were pretty much grown.

I had to learn that the more people loved and cared about the kids, the better. I don't have to super thrilled about the situation but having dealt with stepmothers and stepgrandparents who were horrible, I learned to appreciate the ones who were awesome.

We used to say that if my ex and his wife ever divorced, we wanted custody of her.

As long as your son is loved and cared for...that's the most important thing.

Your feelings are still quite raw. Take a step back and a breath. Be vigilant, not defiant.

Thank you for helping me put things in perspective.
Hug

She sounds like a great person. And my son is always singing her praises. I certainly prefer that to someone hateful or neglectful.

I assure you that it's better than finding out the stepmonster left your 8 year old son outside a skating rink two states away because she was busy being stopped for drunk driving at nearly midnight. Don't get me started on that bitch.

If your son likes her, let him. It's okay to have many, many people in a child's life who love them. You will always be mom...you are the only one who can take that role away from yourself.

Put on those big girl panties and be the adult that your son isn't yet, I know you can do it. Thumbsup

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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14-06-2015, 05:18 AM
RE: Ranting corner
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I got better. Laughat


New day. Moving on. Shy

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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14-06-2015, 07:35 AM
RE: Ranting corner
Do you think there is a point in everyone's life where you just concede defeat and accept that you are bound to the confines of mediocrity and irrelevance? Maybe everyone does go through that point and that itself is the defining point where you go from being another face in the crowd to greatness. Or perhaps not conceding defeat is merely the first stage in a many stage in a many stage process each stage resulting in different levels of abnormality and greatness.
Like pushing a boulder over a bumpy path. It's hard to get it over the initial bump but once you do it's smooth sailing until you come across another bump and the process repeats. And so it than becomes a question of determination on how far along that road you wanna go. So pushing the boulder over the bump takes effort and you have to be willing to put in that effort and the different between people at the next bump is that their will power to reach the next bump surpasses their laziness to not bother.
I guess the problem I have though is that I wanna get over the current bump but can't physically do it so I'm stuck in the current hole despite absolutely hating it. I don't get how people life.

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14-06-2015, 08:04 AM (This post was last modified: 14-06-2015 08:09 AM by Banjo.)
RE: Ranting corner
Earmuffs it is easy to feel like Sisyphus with his rock. Mate all I can tell you is we have to do it? Greatness? I have no answer. I am a - correction, was a highly skilled drummer. But I remain unfamous. Respected by my peers but that is it. Now after being so ill I am a shadow of my former self.

This morning I awoke at 7.30 am to get ready to get to a drum shop to teach by 9.30. I had to walk with my cane up a steep hill. Wait for a bus and drink two very strong double shot flat whites to even begin to think about teaching drums. Walking up that hill was so hard mate. I had to stop many times. When I finished teaching and locked the shop door I lay on the floor for an hour trying to get the strength to get back home. When I got home and I sat on my couch and burst into tears. For no apparent reason. I think it a side effect of chemo.

Life, it is just a fucking struggle. And we never know what may happen. My life changed in a single afternoon. My Dr rang me, told me I had serious cancer 20 minutes before I was to begin teaching. I went across the road and had a double vodka, and taught for four hours. THAT was the last day of my life as I knew it.

BAM! Cop that mother fucker!

Next thing I know I am being told the following morning I may have 6 to 8 weeks. We knew I was ill but it took to that point for them to discover exactly what was wrong.

Sisyphus and his rock represents us all. Our day to day existences. But you know what mate, it is all worth it. Hang onto it and struggle. No matter what. I saw so many religious idiots let themselves fall into the arms of whatever fucking god they believed in. We have no such luxury, and it is a good thing too!

I know what I am talking about here does not address your posts personally. We each lead our own lives. But fuck greatness. My drum teacher is considered great but what good has it done him? He never gets the really high paying gigs because people think he is too advanced for their music. I am serious.

I've had the luck to lunch and dine with famous people and they are no different to me. I went to dinner with Robben Ford and we spoke of health issues! This guy played with Miles Davis! How lame was that conversation? But it passed the time and it was an enjoyable evening.

Tomorrow I must do my laundry. This entails my walking about 40 feet, down a steep staircase with my clothes and then bringing it back. And you know what? I am scared shitless! I am really concerned I will fall down the stairs. But what choice do I have? I am down to my last pair of undies!

Talk about a rant. I simply like you earmuffs and don't want you to stress out. It can get worse and at some stage it likely will. Or it may not. Who the hell knows? Not me, that is for sure. I just want to see my two year old niece get to 20! 18 more years, I'll be 69. I'd settle for that at this point. Smile

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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14-06-2015, 09:17 AM
RE: Ranting corner
(14-06-2015 07:35 AM)earmuffs Wrote:  Do you think there is a point in everyone's life where you just concede defeat and accept that you are bound to the confines of mediocrity and irrelevance? Maybe everyone does go through that point and that itself is the defining point where you go from being another face in the crowd to greatness. Or perhaps not conceding defeat is merely the first stage in a many stage in a many stage process each stage resulting in different levels of abnormality and greatness.
Like pushing a boulder over a bumpy path. It's hard to get it over the initial bump but once you do it's smooth sailing until you come across another bump and the process repeats. And so it than becomes a question of determination on how far along that road you wanna go. So pushing the boulder over the bump takes effort and you have to be willing to put in that effort and the different between people at the next bump is that their will power to reach the next bump surpasses their laziness to not bother.
I guess the problem I have though is that I wanna get over the current bump but can't physically do it so I'm stuck in the current hole despite absolutely hating it. I don't get how people life.

What kind of life do you want? Who do you want to be?

I have to set goals. Immediate, short term, long term. Act with intention. Recognize that sometimes there are sacrifices in the immediate and short term to get to your long term.

Your job sucks. Been there. Get another one, in addition to your shit job. Two shit jobs. Save. Use that money as leverage to get to where you want to be - whether it's go back to school or start a business or move to another area that has better job opportunities or purchase a vehicle so you can commute to a better job. Think of your job as a stepping stone.

I'm three years into an at least 8 year plan to get to where I want to be. So far it has included selling my house, getting a job in a different state with a long commute, overtime, sacrificing my marriage and time with my son, and retaking several college classes. As much as I dislike my job, it's not as bad as my previous 4.

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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14-06-2015, 12:43 PM
RE: Ranting corner
Can I stop being a 31 year old living at home with my parents now? Please? Undecided

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14-06-2015, 02:05 PM
RE: Ranting corner
(14-06-2015 12:43 PM)Escape Artist Wrote:  Can I stop being a 31 year old living at home with my parents now? Please? Undecided

If you wait, you'll be a 32 year old Smile

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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14-06-2015, 02:11 PM
RE: Ranting corner
(14-06-2015 02:05 PM)morondog Wrote:  
(14-06-2015 12:43 PM)Escape Artist Wrote:  Can I stop being a 31 year old living at home with my parents now? Please? Undecided

If you wait, you'll be a 32 year old Smile

Gee, with friends like you, who needs an enema? Consider

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
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