Ranting corner
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19-11-2015, 07:25 PM
RE: Ranting corner
(19-11-2015 07:10 PM)Escape Artist Wrote:  Really hate being a parent. Should have given my eldest up for adoption, like I wanted to all those years ago when I was still a child myself. I was opposed to abortion, but I wanted to give her up for adoption, but my ex didn't want to do that, so we kept her.

I am just not cut out for this gig. I feel no sense of authority over them. I don't get much in the way of emotional rewards from having them. They are interesting at times and at times I think maybe I really do love them, but most of the time I just don't want the responsibility. I can barely take care of myself, much less anyone else.

You aren't supposed to say those things, but that's what I feel right now. The kids do something they shouldn't and I know I should say something or do something but mostly I just don't want to fuck with it because it'll be a hassle and a thing and I don't want to bother with it.

#MomoftheYear Dodgy

I think many of us have those kind of days. Maybe it would be better if ex had them more...I seem to remember you fought for shared custody but perhaps it's not the best thing for you...and it won't be the best thing for the kids if your heart isn't really into it.

Parenthood is not for the faint-hearted.

Hugs

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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19-11-2015, 07:28 PM
RE: Ranting corner
(15-11-2015 01:56 PM)Metazoa Zeke Wrote:  
(15-11-2015 01:47 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  Well that's a rather dark and dismal feel BrotherMan. How 'bout we don't feel that.




I try, but I just feel unworthy.

I sure as Purgatory hope you aren't worthy of being beaten to death!
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19-11-2015, 07:30 PM
RE: Ranting corner
To add - EA - you have been through a LOT of life changes lately...maybe let things settle a bit. You have been through a lot in the last couple months.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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19-11-2015, 07:35 PM
RE: Ranting corner
(18-11-2015 11:16 PM)pablo Wrote:  
(18-11-2015 11:06 PM)earmuffs Wrote:  I'm cold but I can't be bothered getting up to turn my fan off. Sad

My life is so hard you have no idea the struggles I go through.

Can you reach the cord to unplug it? I'm familiar with the struggle.

You probably don't believe in wiping your ass after taking a dump because it will just get dirty again next time!
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19-11-2015, 07:40 PM
RE: Ranting corner
I think I am just one of those people who really should not have had children. I don't like telling people what to do and that's most of what parenting is - telling someone else what to do. I think, who am I to tell them what to do? Like I know everything? I don't. I am just figuring things out as I go. So who am I to say what they should do or how they should do it? I tend to step back and let the universe teach them its lessons but it can't always be like that. Sometimes I have to step in and I don't like to do it - I feel uncomfortable about the whole thing. That is what I mean by not feeling any authority over them. I feel other parents must feel perfectly comfortable telling their children what to do and what not to do. They feel like, of course I can tell my kids what to do and can guide them because I'm an adult and I've lived life so I know better than them. But I feel so often like a kid myself.

I'm rambling. The kids are with me most of the time now because my dumbass ex moved nearly 100 miles away. He supposedly wanted the kids to go be with him but I was against it because it'd mean a whole new school again and they'd moved so much already. Plus they hate it over with him. So I didn't want that for them. I was upset that I was losing my every-other-week arrangement because I liked the long break. But what could I do - I couldn't let them go off with him so far away and start another fucking school and be with someone they hate. They (my son at least) are happier here with me, and even now with Rev and I. My daughter has said she is not like me and Rev and her brother - she is more of a country person. So she's been spending a lot of time at my mom's, spending the night out there. Probably too much and maybe I should stop letting her do that? I have no idea. I have no idea what I'm doing.

How do other parents pretend to their children that they have all the answers?

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19-11-2015, 07:50 PM
RE: Ranting corner
(19-11-2015 07:40 PM)Escape Artist Wrote:  I think I am just one of those people who really should not have had children. I don't like telling people what to do and that's most of what parenting is - telling someone else what to do. I think, who am I to tell them what to do? Like I know everything? I don't. I am just figuring things out as I go. So who am I to say what they should do or how they should do it? I tend to step back and let the universe teach them its lessons but it can't always be like that. Sometimes I have to step in and I don't like to do it - I feel uncomfortable about the whole thing. That is what I mean by not feeling any authority over them. I feel other parents must feel perfectly comfortable telling their children what to do and what not to do. They feel like, of course I can tell my kids what to do and can guide them because I'm an adult and I've lived life so I know better than them. But I feel so often like a kid myself.

I'm rambling. The kids are with me most of the time now because my dumbass ex moved nearly 100 miles away. He supposedly wanted the kids to go be with him but I was against it because it'd mean a whole new school again and they'd moved so much already. Plus they hate it over with him. So I didn't want that for them. I was upset that I was losing my every-other-week arrangement because I liked the long break. But what could I do - I couldn't let them go off with him so far away and start another fucking school and be with someone they hate. They (my son at least) are happier here with me, and even now with Rev and I. My daughter has said she is not like me and Rev and her brother - she is more of a country person. So she's been spending a lot of time at my mom's, spending the night out there. Probably too much and maybe I should stop letting her do that? I have no idea. I have no idea what I'm doing.

How do other parents pretend to their children that they have all the answers?

Oh, I never claimed to have all the answers and was winging it most of the time.

I figured my job was to keep them alive and prevent them from dealing with the abuse I dealt with...I accomplished that. I had my doubts that I managed to do anything more than be there.

Funny that as my kids get older and have their own kids I become smarter in retrospect. Overall, I did okay without having a clue since I didn't have the kind of parents I wanted to emulate.

Did I make mistakes? Tons and tons of them.

The fact that you worry and want things to be good for your kids says a lot.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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19-11-2015, 11:40 PM
RE: Ranting corner
(19-11-2015 07:50 PM)Anjele Wrote:  The fact that you worry and want things to be good for your kids says a lot.

My Mom said to me at some stage that as far as she knows as long as you're trying to be positive in your kids lives then no matter what kinda little shits they are, they turn into adults who can talk and be reasoned with at 20. So basically, teenage hormones might make you feel like you're failing but that's normal.

I wish my parents would have acknowledged more often that they didn't know what the fuck they were doing. I think that's a great trait to have in a mom Thumbsup

I think in terms of telling them what not to do there are times where you can put your foot down - not because you know explicitly what's best, but because you are probably a little bit sharper than they are. Kids do need a bit of protection from the world. So you may not be *sure*, but you are allowed to use your personal experience to inform your decisions. Tell them. Just say something like, "Look, I don't want to kill your vibe, but this particular thing seems dangerous to me so I'm going to forbid it to you for now. Later I may be proved wrong, but right now, this is my decision."

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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20-11-2015, 12:24 AM
RE: Ranting corner
(19-11-2015 07:40 PM)Escape Artist Wrote:  How do other parents pretend to their children that they have all the answers?

They're liars. Be honest with your kids. No BS. Kids can spot BS very fast.

Good luck.

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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20-11-2015, 12:56 AM
RE: Ranting corner
Hug Hug Hug

Oh, EA. So sorry things are tough.

I don't know wtf I'm doing. But my boy goes to sleep each night in a safe home, no yelling or abuse or alcoholism or drug use, with a roof over his head, clothes on his body, clean, and a full belly. He knows reading/writing/arithmetic. He knows he's loved - he's both shown and told it. He's encouraged to explore the world around him and learn from it. He's going to be just fine and no more fucked up than I am.

I don't enjoy being a mom all of the time. I hardly get to be a mom anymore. Not with being so far away and school in session. Hell, TBH I hated being a mom until he turned four.

My mom still fusses about how difficult my brother was.

It's ok to have these thoughts occasionally. When kids are unplanned (such as my son) and you're not prepared for it, it makes life really, really difficult - which you know, I'm just affirming it. You're a wonderful, beautiful person. Heart

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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20-11-2015, 01:04 AM (This post was last modified: 20-11-2015 07:39 AM by Nurse.)
RE: Ranting corner
(19-11-2015 08:45 AM)Chas Wrote:  
(19-11-2015 12:27 AM)Nurse Wrote:  So I went adventuring last night and we were gonna light a flare in a sludge field and it was going to be soooo awesome. But no. I caught my boot on a tree root while I was running down the path,felt these sickening pops and crunching and my left ankle rolling as I fell to the ground screaming.

You felt sickening pops and crunching and it never occurred to you to go to the E.R.? Facepalm

I used to work in an ER. I'd have had to wait for hours and hours because I had no visible deformity I.e. Open fracture, obvious dislocation. Plus, minor fractures don't always show up on film immediately. They'd have wrapped my foot, given me an ice pack, told me to take ibuprofen, rest it and elevate it, and refer me to sports medicine. I managed all that by myself. No need to pay an ER copay, expose myself to the flu and stomach virus and whatever else the sniffling sneezing puking patients in the lobby had...

I was three hours away from my hospital in the middle of nowhere and I sure as hell wasn't going to the closest hospital unless I had lost circulation in my foot.


It's not broken!!!!! Yay! And I have to go back to work tomorrow - that sucks.

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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