Ranting corner
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18-01-2016, 12:56 PM
RE: Ranting corner
(18-01-2016 12:36 PM)Free Thought Wrote:  
(18-01-2016 12:27 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  Melatonin works and has no known LD-50.

I'll see what my doc thinks about that tomorrow.

Just outta interest, how's the anti-depro fight going? You winning?

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If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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18-01-2016, 02:11 PM
RE: Ranting corner
(18-01-2016 12:56 PM)morondog Wrote:  
(18-01-2016 12:36 PM)Free Thought Wrote:  I'll see what my doc thinks about that tomorrow.

Just outta interest, how's the anti-depro fight going? You winning?

I suppose I should bump that thread every once in a while for updates if people might want them...

Thanks for your concern, man.

In answer to the question; What ever it is, I don't think I'd call it winning. I don't feel like I feel any different yet, you know? But at the same time I kinda do...? I don't know... I'm not good at expressing, or understanding, what's going on in my skull...

It seems to be getting harder for me to fly off the handle, like I'm feeling noticeably less angry and frustrated, but at the same time, I kind of feel more 'empty'; a pervading indifference that doesn't easily go away. It was there before, but it seems like the less time I'm pissed off, the more time I spend in that state. Being tired all the time is probably not helping.

But it's easier to get happy, too. But at the same time, when I get happier, I feel kinda sad. I don't know how to describe it, but it's not new, it just happens more often now.

Though I have noticed some of the worse thoughts from the 'voice' in the back of my head seem to come a little more often and easier; that just giving up would be easier and such thoughts. And some weird, very dumb thoughts have happened too. Last night the thought crossed my mind that maybe I should just 'fall' down the stairs, maybe then I'll sleep.

The overlords aren't helping things much. My mother seems to try to understand what is going on and leaves the topic alone entirely unless I bring it up, or the Defacto forces a talk. He's the problem between the two; he doesn't understand what is going on an seems to lack any sort of self awareness in this regard; he seems to think he experiences dictate those of others, which makes him difficult to deal with when he forces the topic because he has clearly never dealt with problems like mine before; I lack motivation, or even the ability to remotely enjoy anything much of the time? Simple, just go out and do things! Regardless of the discomfort and likelihood of anxiety attacks!

I hope my rambling answers your question to some sort of degree...

The people closely associated with the namesake of female canines are suffering from a nondescript form of lunacy.
"Anti-environmentalism is like standing in front of a forest and going 'quick kill them they're coming right for us!'" - Jake Farr-Wharton, The Imaginary Friend Show.
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18-01-2016, 02:27 PM
RE: Ranting corner
(18-01-2016 12:36 PM)Free Thought Wrote:  
(18-01-2016 12:27 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  Melatonin works and has no known LD-50.

I'll see what my doc thinks about that tomorrow.

Melatonin works for a lot of people, but it gave me vivid nightmares and actually made me feel more tired in the mornings. Sad

Fluoxetine has been very helpful for my son, BTW (he has been on it for about eight years now).

When I get too tired to sleep it's often because my stress/anxiety are through the roof. Until I start tackling the dreaded tasks, I won't sleep better.

Is it possible for you to take a few days at a quiet house or B&B, shut the electronics off for a bit, and just do nothing? I've read that this has helped some people--they wind up sleeping almost round the clock for several days, being refreshed physically and reducing their anxiety and internal chatter.
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18-01-2016, 02:35 PM
RE: Ranting corner
(18-01-2016 02:11 PM)Free Thought Wrote:  It seems to be getting harder for me to fly off the handle, like I'm feeling noticeably less angry and frustrated, but at the same time, I kind of feel more 'empty'; a pervading indifference that doesn't easily go away. It was there before, but it seems like the less time I'm pissed off, the more time I spend in that state. Being tired all the time is probably not helping.
My sister reported something similar IIRC, after starting on fluoxetene. She also called it an 'empty' feeling. Was one of the primary reasons she would occasionally stop her meds without telling anyone. Don't do that btw Wink

Quote:But it's easier to get happy, too. But at the same time, when I get happier, I feel kinda sad. I don't know how to describe it, but it's not new, it just happens more often now.

Though I have noticed some of the worse thoughts from the 'voice' in the back of my head seem to come a little more often and easier; that just giving up would be easier and such thoughts. And some weird, very dumb thoughts have happened too. Last night the thought crossed my mind that maybe I should just 'fall' down the stairs, maybe then I'll sleep.
How often do you see the person who prescribed the stuff to you? This sounds like the kind of thing you should tell them...

Quote:The overlords aren't helping things much. My mother seems to try to understand what is going on and leaves the topic alone entirely unless I bring it up, or the Defacto forces a talk. He's the problem between the two; he doesn't understand what is going on an seems to lack any sort of self awareness in this regard; he seems to think he experiences dictate those of others, which makes him difficult to deal with when he forces the topic because he has clearly never dealt with problems like mine before; I lack motivation, or even the ability to remotely enjoy anything much of the time? Simple, just go out and do things! Regardless of the discomfort and likelihood of anxiety attacks!

I hope my rambling answers your question to some sort of degree...
It is difficult for family members to relate. I know that much Undecided I tried to talk to my sister about it but she also realised I didn't really get it.

If you would update your thread with a progress report every now and then, that might be helpful for all of us who care Hug

Another thing I'm curious about is... what are your immediate life goals in the near future? I know you're at university (I think)?

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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18-01-2016, 03:07 PM
RE: Ranting corner
(18-01-2016 02:11 PM)Free Thought Wrote:  
(18-01-2016 12:56 PM)morondog Wrote:  Just outta interest, how's the anti-depro fight going? You winning?

I suppose I should bump that thread every once in a while for updates if people might want them...

Thanks for your concern, man.

In answer to the question; What ever it is, I don't think I'd call it winning. I don't feel like I feel any different yet, you know? But at the same time I kinda do...? I don't know... I'm not good at expressing, or understanding, what's going on in my skull...

It seems to be getting harder for me to fly off the handle, like I'm feeling noticeably less angry and frustrated, but at the same time, I kind of feel more 'empty'; a pervading indifference that doesn't easily go away. It was there before, but it seems like the less time I'm pissed off, the more time I spend in that state. Being tired all the time is probably not helping.

But it's easier to get happy, too. But at the same time, when I get happier, I feel kinda sad. I don't know how to describe it, but it's not new, it just happens more often now.

Though I have noticed some of the worse thoughts from the 'voice' in the back of my head seem to come a little more often and easier; that just giving up would be easier and such thoughts. And some weird, very dumb thoughts have happened too. Last night the thought crossed my mind that maybe I should just 'fall' down the stairs, maybe then I'll sleep.

The overlords aren't helping things much. My mother seems to try to understand what is going on and leaves the topic alone entirely unless I bring it up, or the Defacto forces a talk. He's the problem between the two; he doesn't understand what is going on an seems to lack any sort of self awareness in this regard; he seems to think he experiences dictate those of others, which makes him difficult to deal with when he forces the topic because he has clearly never dealt with problems like mine before; I lack motivation, or even the ability to remotely enjoy anything much of the time? Simple, just go out and do things! Regardless of the discomfort and likelihood of anxiety attacks!

I hope my rambling answers your question to some sort of degree...
What is it that keeps you awake?
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18-01-2016, 03:12 PM
RE: Ranting corner
(18-01-2016 03:07 PM)Nishi Karano Kaze Wrote:  
(18-01-2016 02:11 PM)Free Thought Wrote:  I suppose I should bump that thread every once in a while for updates if people might want them...

Thanks for your concern, man.

In answer to the question; What ever it is, I don't think I'd call it winning. I don't feel like I feel any different yet, you know? But at the same time I kinda do...? I don't know... I'm not good at expressing, or understanding, what's going on in my skull...

It seems to be getting harder for me to fly off the handle, like I'm feeling noticeably less angry and frustrated, but at the same time, I kind of feel more 'empty'; a pervading indifference that doesn't easily go away. It was there before, but it seems like the less time I'm pissed off, the more time I spend in that state. Being tired all the time is probably not helping.

But it's easier to get happy, too. But at the same time, when I get happier, I feel kinda sad. I don't know how to describe it, but it's not new, it just happens more often now.

Though I have noticed some of the worse thoughts from the 'voice' in the back of my head seem to come a little more often and easier; that just giving up would be easier and such thoughts. And some weird, very dumb thoughts have happened too. Last night the thought crossed my mind that maybe I should just 'fall' down the stairs, maybe then I'll sleep.

The overlords aren't helping things much. My mother seems to try to understand what is going on and leaves the topic alone entirely unless I bring it up, or the Defacto forces a talk. He's the problem between the two; he doesn't understand what is going on an seems to lack any sort of self awareness in this regard; he seems to think he experiences dictate those of others, which makes him difficult to deal with when he forces the topic because he has clearly never dealt with problems like mine before; I lack motivation, or even the ability to remotely enjoy anything much of the time? Simple, just go out and do things! Regardless of the discomfort and likelihood of anxiety attacks!

I hope my rambling answers your question to some sort of degree...
What is it that keeps you awake?
Thoughts of you Blush

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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18-01-2016, 03:15 PM
RE: Ranting corner
(18-01-2016 03:12 PM)morondog Wrote:  
(18-01-2016 03:07 PM)Nishi Karano Kaze Wrote:  What is it that keeps you awake?
Thoughts of you Blush

Down boy. You know it's not okay to hump my leg. Don't make me use the newspaper.

*Picks up the nearest newspaper and start rolling it up*
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18-01-2016, 09:39 PM (This post was last modified: 18-01-2016 09:42 PM by Free Thought.)
RE: Ranting corner
(18-01-2016 02:35 PM)morondog Wrote:  If you would update your thread with a progress report every now and then, that might be helpful for all of us who care Hug

Another thing I'm curious about is... what are your immediate life goals in the near future? I know you're at university (I think)?

I'll make sure to update it next time something comes up.

I don't really have any life goals at the moment, if I'm to be honest... I am at uni working at a BS in animal behaviour (it seemed like an interesting topic), but the temptation to quit has been getting stronger as time has gone on. Honestly the only things that have stopped me from walking away from it have been the haranguing the Overlords would certainly hit me with and the fact that if I stop studying, I lose access to my government allowance which I kind of need because I'm in no shape to get a job right now even if there were jobs around. Which there aren't. And more recently the fact that if I quit, I'd lose access to the support resources that have been established in the last few months has pretty much killed any remaining practicality of leaving.

I guess my immediate goal is to get over myself. Once I've dealt with the shit I'm dealing with now, then I can figure my next moves.

(18-01-2016 03:07 PM)Nishi Karano Kaze Wrote:  What is it that keeps you awake?

I don't know. I just can't get to sleep, and when I can it's at least an hour and a bit...

(18-01-2016 02:27 PM)julep Wrote:  Is it possible for you to take a few days at a quiet house or B&B, shut the electronics off for a bit, and just do nothing? I've read that this has helped some people--they wind up sleeping almost round the clock for several days, being refreshed physically and reducing their anxiety and internal chatter.

Not really, I just don't have the money for that, and my pc and ipod are basically what keep me sane these days, otherwise I'd go over the edge just by not being distracted from myself. If you get what I mean... Explaining I am not good at.

The people closely associated with the namesake of female canines are suffering from a nondescript form of lunacy.
"Anti-environmentalism is like standing in front of a forest and going 'quick kill them they're coming right for us!'" - Jake Farr-Wharton, The Imaginary Friend Show.
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19-01-2016, 12:55 AM
RE: Ranting corner
(18-01-2016 09:39 PM)Free Thought Wrote:  I don't really have any life goals at the moment, if I'm to be honest... I am at uni working at a BS in animal behaviour (it seemed like an interesting topic), but the temptation to quit has been getting stronger as time has gone on. Honestly the only things that have stopped me from walking away from it have been the haranguing the Overlords would certainly hit me with and the fact that if I stop studying, I lose access to my government allowance which I kind of need because I'm in no shape to get a job right now even if there were jobs around. Which there aren't. And more recently the fact that if I quit, I'd lose access to the support resources that have been established in the last few months has pretty much killed any remaining practicality of leaving.

I guess my immediate goal is to get over myself. Once I've dealt with the shit I'm dealing with now, then I can figure my next moves.
Do you do social stuff at all? I went through a very anti-social period a while back, and eventually I managed to force myself to join a running club - at first I wouldn't even talk to the people, I'd just wait until just before the run was gonna start and quickly join them so I didn't have to say hello. Eventually I started saying hello, then running, and then later on I started having honest-to-gods actual conversations before the run... Maybe you should think about doing something like that? I mean, it doesn't have to be running, knitting or pole-vault could also work.

Just remember, with this stuff, it's baby steps. Just pick small goals and achieve them. Even making it a goal to just go down to the shops and smile at someone - even if it's a horrifying rictus and they run away screaming... it's a start Smile

Good luck amigo, and do update, even if the update is just "life is boring".

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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19-01-2016, 10:24 AM
RE: Ranting corner
PhD Physics takes up too much of my time.

I mean, I've barely been able to shoot the shit here at all lately.

... this is my signature!
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