Ranting corner
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25-09-2016, 12:13 PM
RE: Ranting corner
(25-09-2016 11:54 AM)Escape Artist Wrote:  Creative blocks really fucking suck. Weeping

I'm doing it again. Getting stressed out and down because I can't write. I want to be creative again. I miss that. But it just doesn't really happen anymore.

There's something in there that wants to get out but when I reach inside to try and grab hold of it, it just slips away. Very frustrating. Already I can feel the hours of today getting away from me.

Inevitably, I will reach a certain point today where I just want to get something done, get something - anything - accomplished, so I'll get up and clean for a little while or shower up or whatever. Just so I can say that I accomplished something today. But it won't be the same as if I'd been able to write.

There are so many things that are so amazingly good in my life right now. I can see improvement and growth in more areas than I can count and yet in this area I seemed to have just regressed completely.

There's too much pressure associated with the story I have currently been trying to work on. It deals with death and loss of a parent and I just want it too much to be perfect, or nearly perfect. And even when I tell myself it doesn't have to be perfect, I don't seem to believe myself.

At this point I just want to do something creative, even if it isn't writing anymore. But I miss writing terribly.

I have been dabbling with the journal/blog thingy that Anj suggested to help deal with my anger over religion and my religious upbringing and that has helped but that's non-fiction and while it is therapeutic and has helped with the anger, even it doesn't quite feed that need I feel to create something. This - the religious journal - is just recounting experiences in my life and working thru the subsequent emotions. It's not the same as writing fiction.

I don't know how to get out of this rut. I'm tired of wanting to write and yet not being able to. What's sad is that I can even think of worlds I'd like to explore or stories I'd like to read but haven't seen out there on the shelves. But when I sit down to write, there's just nothing. I'm drawing buckets from long-exhausted well. Or maybe there is water in the well and there's something wrong with my bucket. I don't fucking know. Undecided

Maybe you need to work through the other stuff so that the creative stuff can come out. You are still grieving and you have a lot of changes going on in your life.

You know how you try to remember something...like where you put something and the more you think the further you are from remembering...then you move on to something else and the answer just pops in your head? I think it's probably like that.

I think you are trying too hard.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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25-09-2016, 12:32 PM
RE: Ranting corner
(25-09-2016 12:13 PM)Anjele Wrote:  
(25-09-2016 11:54 AM)Escape Artist Wrote:  Creative blocks really fucking suck. Weeping

I'm doing it again. Getting stressed out and down because I can't write. I want to be creative again. I miss that. But it just doesn't really happen anymore.

There's something in there that wants to get out but when I reach inside to try and grab hold of it, it just slips away. Very frustrating. Already I can feel the hours of today getting away from me.

Inevitably, I will reach a certain point today where I just want to get something done, get something - anything - accomplished, so I'll get up and clean for a little while or shower up or whatever. Just so I can say that I accomplished something today. But it won't be the same as if I'd been able to write.

There are so many things that are so amazingly good in my life right now. I can see improvement and growth in more areas than I can count and yet in this area I seemed to have just regressed completely.

There's too much pressure associated with the story I have currently been trying to work on. It deals with death and loss of a parent and I just want it too much to be perfect, or nearly perfect. And even when I tell myself it doesn't have to be perfect, I don't seem to believe myself.

At this point I just want to do something creative, even if it isn't writing anymore. But I miss writing terribly.

I have been dabbling with the journal/blog thingy that Anj suggested to help deal with my anger over religion and my religious upbringing and that has helped but that's non-fiction and while it is therapeutic and has helped with the anger, even it doesn't quite feed that need I feel to create something. This - the religious journal - is just recounting experiences in my life and working thru the subsequent emotions. It's not the same as writing fiction.

I don't know how to get out of this rut. I'm tired of wanting to write and yet not being able to. What's sad is that I can even think of worlds I'd like to explore or stories I'd like to read but haven't seen out there on the shelves. But when I sit down to write, there's just nothing. I'm drawing buckets from long-exhausted well. Or maybe there is water in the well and there's something wrong with my bucket. I don't fucking know. Undecided

Maybe you need to work through the other stuff so that the creative stuff can come out. You are still grieving and you have a lot of changes going on in your life.

You know how you try to remember something...like where you put something and the more you think the further you are from remembering...then you move on to something else and the answer just pops in your head? I think it's probably like that.

I think you are trying too hard.

Maybe so. Grieving is... difficult. I often feel as if there is nowhere for my grief to "go" if that makes any sense. I can and do feel sorry for myself from time to time - wishing I had that sort of security blanket back that God once provided to me and when I lost him, my dad gave me that security blanket feeling. Or I'll wish that my mom had been the one to go (and feel guilty about that wish) rather than my dad because though he and I didn't really talk all that much, we didn't have to. We had an understanding of each other that transcended words.

But all of that is just useless. In life, all one ever really has is oneself. The people we love and care about eventually die or leave but we are always with ourselves. This "need" I feel for a security blanket is something I need to get over and move past, but I don't quite know how. I sometimes feel as if I'm grasping for the edges of it, trying desperately to shield myself from the cold, indifferent nature of the universe, but there's just nothing there to get hold of. I'm exposed and there's nothing can be done for it.

I was hoping that writing this book about death and loss of a parent would help me grieve but if I can't write the thing then that's a lost cause.

I feel stuck. My dad is gone. My security blankets are gone. And they're not coming back. I feel like an orphan. Even though I do still have a parent, I don't have the one I wish I could still have. And even though my dad was my favorite parent, I still deal with feelings of anger toward him and the part he played in my religious upbringing. I find that when I get to feeling too generous toward him or thinking he was much more perfect than he really was, that I will focus toward the negative things about him. I don't want him to become this saintlike person in my mind. He was a human being with flaws. To remember him in some kind of saintly way would be wrong.

My thoughts are wandering now. Maybe I should just give up on the writing for a while. But even the thought of that makes me sad. I don't want to give up on it. I want it to come back. What if I walk away from it and I never get it back? Sad

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25-09-2016, 12:51 PM
RE: Ranting corner
(25-09-2016 12:32 PM)Escape Artist Wrote:  
(25-09-2016 12:13 PM)Anjele Wrote:  Maybe you need to work through the other stuff so that the creative stuff can come out. You are still grieving and you have a lot of changes going on in your life.

You know how you try to remember something...like where you put something and the more you think the further you are from remembering...then you move on to something else and the answer just pops in your head? I think it's probably like that.

I think you are trying too hard.

Maybe so. Grieving is... difficult. I often feel as if there is nowhere for my grief to "go" if that makes any sense. I can and do feel sorry for myself from time to time - wishing I had that sort of security blanket back that God once provided to me and when I lost him, my dad gave me that security blanket feeling. Or I'll wish that my mom had been the one to go (and feel guilty about that wish) rather than my dad because though he and I didn't really talk all that much, we didn't have to. We had an understanding of each other that transcended words.

But all of that is just useless. In life, all one ever really has is oneself. The people we love and care about eventually die or leave but we are always with ourselves. This "need" I feel for a security blanket is something I need to get over and move past, but I don't quite know how. I sometimes feel as if I'm grasping for the edges of it, trying desperately to shield myself from the cold, indifferent nature of the universe, but there's just nothing there to get hold of. I'm exposed and there's nothing can be done for it.

I was hoping that writing this book about death and loss of a parent would help me grieve but if I can't write the thing then that's a lost cause.

I feel stuck. My dad is gone. My security blankets are gone. And they're not coming back. I feel like an orphan. Even though I do still have a parent, I don't have the one I wish I could still have. And even though my dad was my favorite parent, I still deal with feelings of anger toward him and the part he played in my religious upbringing. I find that when I get to feeling too generous toward him or thinking he was much more perfect than he really was, that I will focus toward the negative things about him. I don't want him to become this saintlike person in my mind. He was a human being with flaws. To remember him in some kind of saintly way would be wrong.

My thoughts are wandering now. Maybe I should just give up on the writing for a while. But even the thought of that makes me sad. I don't want to give up on it. I want it to come back. What if I walk away from it and I never get it back? Sad

You'll get back to writing. Give yourself some breathing room. The harder you push yourself the more frustrated you will be. That may be what would keep you from writing.

As for your parents...I get it. I wish dad was still here because we were fixing a broken relationship when he got sick and died. I have no relationship with mom and she is alive and well and tormenting my sister now instead of me.

So many things I wish dad and I could have talked about and worked through because we were making so much progress with the issues we did get to. I don't forget the bad but I know we were on the way to better.

But for me it's been over seven years so I have had time to make my way through a lot of things in my head...for you it's still new and raw.

You are going to be okay. Thumbsup

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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25-09-2016, 08:27 PM
RE: Ranting corner
Thought of a good name for my waffle food stall thingy idea. Little Li├Ęge.
The whole container is black with the logo and name in gold on the side.


Also, so a lady from work died on Saturday (not at work). She worked for the company for 21 years. She had just retired from work 3 weeks ago. Went for a checkup on the 15th, got admitted to the hospital the same day, the family pulled the plug last Friday and she died on Saturday.

Makes you think though. Like, what the fuck did she achieve with her life? She worked in our clothing department. She picked clothes up off the ground because shitty customers are too lazy to put them back on the rack. She did that for 21 years and then died. What a complete waste of a life.
And yet so so SOOOO many people are like this. At work, at my past jobs in so many other jobs around the country. They work these shitty jobs and then they just die. For what??
How can people live like that?? How can you look back at your life and be satisfied with what you accomplished?

Makes me wanna fucking quit. This is why I don't care about work and don't take it seriously. It's meaningless. It's fucking stocking shelves or stopping shoplifters. It's fucking meaningless, why the fuck should I bust my ass and care about it?? What do I get out of that?? Nope, instead I'm going to just show up, do my job and get paid so one day I can quit and do something actual worthwhile.
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26-09-2016, 06:05 AM
RE: Ranting corner
(24-09-2016 09:14 AM)Anjele Wrote:  And she told me that the lotion I was using gave her a migraine. That's odd, since I hadn't used any type of lotion at the office or even before arriving there.

Maybe you should feel lucky she hasn't said "It puts the lotion in the basket, or it gets the hose again.". Or maybe you should use that as your reply? Unless you don't think she would get the reference. Or for that matter be able to tolerate a joke.Laugh out load
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28-09-2016, 05:27 PM
RE: Ranting corner
Had a yelling match with a retarded coworker yesterday, so that was fun.
Bitch decided to sweep the carpark with a tiny brush and shovel (not the first person to do so) instead of using the big orange brooms.
On security, we're in charge of keeping the carpark clean and tidy because I guess they figured we're downstairs so all downstairs is our responsibility. Makes perfect sense, need some bins emptied and trollies brought up just make the security guard do it..
Anyway, we take turns (or are suppose too it usually just ends up me doing, though lately I've been making sure it's been alternating like it's suppose to do.). It takes me 5 minutes to change three bins, 10 minutes to sweep and 15minutes to bring up the trolleys. It's easy, no big deal.
So this bitch I work with on Wednesday is this stupid little Maori women who's been driving fucking nuts lately. She's the exception to the rule that we alternate because she can't bring up the trollies. Because hey.. work wouldn't be work if they never hired people that were incredibly incompetent at their job.. So she goes down takes half an hour to do the three rubbish bins. (you literally pull the bag out, tie it off and put a new bag in.). Whatever, I'll smash trolleys in like 10 minutes whatever. Nope. It took her half an hour so I assumed she had swept in that time too. Oh how I was wrong. She goes back down. 45 minutes go by I radio my supervisor who was covering her and she's still down there. Sweeping. Another 10 minutes go by and I finish work in 10minutes and I still need to do trolleys. So I get some cover. That's more staff who need to be working stock into the shelves being tied up covering security so they can tidy the fucking carpark, you know the thing nobody cares about what it looks like because all you do is park your fucking car there!! So I go down to get trolleys, tell her.. ok tell her in a firm tone.. that it's almost been an hour. She shrugs her shoulders "so?". Now normally I am a calm person at work because you know, professionalism. But by god I was fucking tested. So whatever, I do trolleys and by the time she's upstairs putting the rubbish bags away I finish trolleys. I say one comment to the dude covering me when I get back up not knowing she's standing right there and she, of course, chimes in. I think I said something like "it shouldn't take her a fucking hour to sweep the damn carpark" and she chimes in with "well I'm happy" to which I respond "well I'm not, it took you a fucking hour. That's not good enough" and it escalated from there into a yelling match in front of my supervisor (he's cool so it's all good.) and another staff member. I did not hold back on this bitch, all the shit that's been pissing me off these last couple weeks came out.

Like I get I come across as selfish here and I am selfish. I have a very selfish personality. But not at work. Work is the one exception. I'm 100% customer first focused and I'm perfectly happy helping staff members. I help this bitch all the fucking time because when I'm doing security upstairs she's working the shoe department nearby. So I'm always doing favours for this bitch. But when I want something in return?? Nope. I ask her to cover me for literally 2 minutes while the dude that relieves me upstairs so I can go downstairs and relieve the security lady down there that has been standing down there for 10hours is running a little late and all I get from her is "nope, I'm way too busy you have to ask the manager." BUT THE MANAGER IS ALWAYS GONNA ASK HER TO DO IT ANYWAY IT'S A WASTE OF TIME!! I don't even need her to cover for me, I want her to cover me so I can relieve the security staff that's at the end of her 10-hour shift!!! But she's too selfish to stand at the security thing FOR 2 FUCKING MINUTES!!.
And then yesterday it's absolutely no big fucking deal that she wasted AN HOUR of staff time. An hour that staff could have been working stock, the very thing she claims she's too busy doing and why she cannot relieve me for 2 minutes so I can relieve the other staff. I wanna fucking smack that bitch.

She's getting passive aggressive snarky Muffs from now on. And I sure as shit ain't doing her any more favours if she wants me to climb a ladder or to lift a heavy box she's shit out of luck.
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28-09-2016, 08:20 PM
RE: Ranting corner
It's Wednesday.

Fuck you week. I'm not giving up.


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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28-09-2016, 09:13 PM
RE: Ranting corner
Fucking Windows update...now my laptop is all jacked up. Censored

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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28-09-2016, 09:57 PM
RE: Ranting corner
(28-09-2016 09:13 PM)Anjele Wrote:  Fucking Windows update...now my laptop is all jacked up. Censored

Must be the same one I got about a week ago. Angry
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28-09-2016, 11:57 PM
RE: Ranting corner
[Image: grinds-my-gears.jpg]

People who take up the entire counter with their carry on luggage.

You're at a hotel, you're going to have to sign some paperwork to get into your room. Signing paperwork is going to require you have some space left on the front desk for you to place the paper, so maybe don't be a stupid cunt and take up all of the space with your luggage, then act like I'm an asshole when I wait for you move your shit before showing you where you need to sign to get your keys. Fucking tools...

[Image: E3WvRwZ.gif]
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