Ranting corner
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06-07-2017, 10:26 AM
RE: Ranting corner
(06-07-2017 09:45 AM)julep Wrote:  Fucking gypsy moths all over the place. Clouds of them.

I know, right: A moth flies like a determined blind gibbet. It’s fucked up how a moth flies in a million different directions at once, and you can hear the light flutter of its wings slushfing against each other as it skids wildly from one surface to the next. A moth is always two seconds away from flying mindlessly into your hair, where it will get tangled for a hundred percent of forever, and it will always flap madly against your neck, and it will never get out.

A moth folds its wings back like a fighter jet when it lands on the wall. Either that or it spreads them out like a freaky mockery of the Crucifixion. Both of those positions are too much planning from a bug. Why’s it only ever in one of two positions? A: EERILY STILL. B: MOVING AS MUCH AS ANYTHING HAS EVER MOVED. Moths don’t fly, they are AIRBORNE SHUDDERS. You can’t predict which way a moth is going to move next, and that’s terrifying.

Just don't do any of those, in case of accidental touching Rolleyes

Cut off my entire arm and face

Move

Throw myself into the whole sun

Excommunicate myself from every church and religion any ancestor of mine has ever joined

Just shudder until I died

Throw everything I own off of my back porch until my lower back exploded

Kick myself to actual death

Set all of my shoes on fire and move to whatever climate has the fewest bugs, maybe the desert, which I know still has some bugs but not bugs that fly I feel like

Go to a movie theater and buy a ticket to see twelve movies in a row and refuse to leave between screenings

just straight up The Cask of Amontillado myself

Scream until I traveled through time to either before or after there are moths
Sink from waking life into dreams

No

Reject everything about existence and just give it all back to the void and demand we start afresh

Turn into a beautiful swan

Squash it with something heavy then throw whatever I squashed it with away

Scream until my throat exploded

Remove all of my skin

Turn into a boat and sail away

"E se non passa la tristezza con altri occhi la guarderò."
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06-07-2017, 02:24 PM
RE: Ranting corner
Groomzilla texted me while I was cleaning my bedroom. Had another email he was demanding I read. Six page long, size 10 font, attached PDF breaking day down into 30 and 15 minute chunks for day before and day of the wedding. It details "timelines, photos, and responsibilities". Among mine, for instance, are (from memory and by no means exhaustive:
  • Hydration and Sustenance Team - make sure groom eats and keep him hydrated through the day.
  • Flower inventory at hotel.
  • Flower inventory at venue?
  • Driver for one-fourth of bridal party.
  • In photo shoots throughout day on university campus, reception venue, and church.
  • Best Man.
  • Help set up reception venue.
  • Help take down reception venue.
  • Bachelor Party (not included on their list).

Email ended with bolded demand everyone reply to it to confirm reading. Parts of timeline are in all caps to yell at people about what is most definitely not expected at certain points.

Need to think of a witty signature.
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06-07-2017, 02:43 PM
RE: Ranting corner
What the fuck is with this guy? He's gonna have a shit day. He's gonna spend the entire time stewing that someone forgot to count the forks at the reception venue or something similarly daft.

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If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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06-07-2017, 02:55 PM
RE: Ranting corner
(06-07-2017 02:43 PM)morondog Wrote:  What the fuck is with this guy? He's gonna have a shit day. He's gonna spend the entire time stewing that someone forgot to count the forks at the reception venue or something similarly daft.

I'm pretty sure that's what Shai is counting on [Image: devil.gif]

That, ot straight-up murder [Image: stab.gif]

Hard to tell, really...

"E se non passa la tristezza con altri occhi la guarderò."
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06-07-2017, 03:07 PM
RE: Ranting corner
(06-07-2017 02:43 PM)morondog Wrote:  What the fuck is with this guy? He's gonna have a shit day. He's gonna spend the entire time stewing that someone forgot to count the forks at the reception venue or something similarly daft.

This, sadly, would not shock me. Dread their wedding so much, but only nine days to go!

(06-07-2017 02:55 PM)Vera Wrote:  
(06-07-2017 02:43 PM)morondog Wrote:  What the fuck is with this guy? He's gonna have a shit day. He's gonna spend the entire time stewing that someone forgot to count the forks at the reception venue or something similarly daft.

I'm pretty sure that's what Shai is counting on [Image: devil.gif]

That, ot straight-up murder [Image: stab.gif]

Hard to tell, really...

Heh...if he's treating everyone this way, I can guarantee I will not murder him, but make no promises for the rest of the bridesmaids and groomsmen.

Need to think of a witty signature.
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06-07-2017, 03:33 PM
RE: Ranting corner
(06-07-2017 03:07 PM)Shai Hulud Wrote:  
(06-07-2017 02:43 PM)morondog Wrote:  What the fuck is with this guy? He's gonna have a shit day. He's gonna spend the entire time stewing that someone forgot to count the forks at the reception venue or something similarly daft.

This, sadly, would not shock me. Dread their wedding so much, but only nine days to go!

(06-07-2017 02:55 PM)Vera Wrote:  I'm pretty sure that's what Shai is counting on [Image: devil.gif]

That, ot straight-up murder [Image: stab.gif]

Hard to tell, really...

Heh...if he's treating everyone this way, I can guarantee I will not murder him, but make no promises for the rest of the bridesmaids and groomsmen.

No Shai will murder him when in 2 years they divorce. No couple doing the bride/groomzilla bs ever lasts.

(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense
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06-07-2017, 04:04 PM
RE: Ranting corner
(06-07-2017 02:43 PM)morondog Wrote:  What the fuck is with this guy? He's gonna have a shit day. He's gonna spend the entire time stewing that someone forgot to count the forks at the reception venue or something similarly daft.

My friend who committed suicide was a vicar, he said that those brides and grooms who were more interested in the day going perfectly like clockwork rather than in the actual marriage to their partner almost always ended up divorced.
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06-07-2017, 04:14 PM
RE: Ranting corner
(06-07-2017 10:18 AM)julep Wrote:  
(06-07-2017 10:05 AM)earmuffs Wrote:  They trying to sell you back-hair rope and invite you into the back of their tiny house-shaped camper van for a tea leaf reading of your horoscope?

I wish...

Unfortunately they're just fluttering around, flirting with one another and eating the shrubbery.

Not the shrubbery! Not the one that's placed next to the first shrubbery that looks nice and isn't too expensive, that's creating the two layer effect with the little path running down the middle!?

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06-07-2017, 04:35 PM
RE: Ranting corner
(06-07-2017 02:24 PM)Shai Hulud Wrote:  Groomzilla texted me while I was cleaning my bedroom. Had another email he was demanding I read. Six page long, size 10 font, attached PDF breaking day down into 30 and 15 minute chunks for day before and day of the wedding. It details "timelines, photos, and responsibilities". Among mine, for instance, are (from memory and by no means exhaustive:
  • Hydration and Sustenance Team - make sure groom eats and keep him hydrated through the day.
  • Flower inventory at hotel.
  • Flower inventory at venue?
  • Driver for one-fourth of bridal party.
  • In photo shoots throughout day on university campus, reception venue, and church.
  • Best Man.
  • Help set up reception venue.
  • Help take down reception venue.
  • Bachelor Party (not included on their list).

Email ended with bolded demand everyone reply to it to confirm reading. Parts of timeline are in all caps to yell at people about what is most definitely not expected at certain points.

Someone actually has to remind this dimwit to eat and drink? Let's hope he doesn't successfully breed. Dodgy

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

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06-07-2017, 05:38 PM
RE: Ranting corner
Also, I don't mean to joke about the situation Julep, just the idea of a billion moths flying around pleases me, I can imagine they're quite the pest though.
I didn't think moths ate vegetation though, I always thought they ate the sweet sweet flower nectar. Darwin's moth for example.

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