Ranting corner
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25-06-2013, 07:54 PM
RE: Ranting corner
(25-06-2013 06:01 PM)Full Circle Wrote:  
(25-06-2013 05:51 PM)Mr Woof Wrote:  Does not too much support suggest a lack of resilience and turning to slick and sallied ad hoc frenemies at times?

Wait...what?

Huh


"It's all bullshit, we know it, and you know it, you're either to fucking stupid to realize it, or too chickenshit to admit it." -pablo. Bowing
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26-06-2013, 03:40 AM (This post was last modified: 26-06-2013 03:54 AM by Ferdinand.)
RE: Ranting corner
This is, in fact, the ranting corner, so I might as well go ham on the subject (teenage drama related, read for seriousness or entertainment) that's bothering me. I lost my best friend tonight over the dumbest sack of shit that's ever been thrown at me. And I'll be honest, I've been in some pretty shitty situations. I may go off topic-- just bare with me.

I hung out with her about three or four days ago. Things were fine. I spent the night at her house, we went out to eat, stayed up all night. But when we're not hanging out she's so stuck up her boyfriends' butt, she doesn't really message/text me or talk to me much. Of course we talk and have an awesome time when we hang out, but she doesn't talk to me outside of hanging out like a friend should. We hardly make conversation, and she only comes to me when she has a problem with something. Communication is a significant detail in the maintenance of friendships and relationships. Tonight she started posting on social networking that she wished she had a girlfriend to hang out with and make plans with. It made me kind of mad because, hello, I'm right here. I'm supposedly your "best friend" but you hardly talk to me anyways, and then you go off and complain. A part of me feels like she posted it knowing I would see it too. I replied with an arrogant "Thanks" and she starts texting me with a big fucking knot in her panties, bringing up things that don't even relate to our communication in our friendship. Now let me take my lovely 4 in the morning rage time to one-by-one point out what pissed me off about the conversation we had.

She started complaining that she didn't know who I was anymore. She complained that I hardly spoke to her about my life or my problems, and that I kept myself reserved from people. First off, how does one get to "know" a person? Simple, you ask said person questions. Don't expect them to hold up a huge sign screaming for attention. (Because firstly, I'm not that type of person- but when I have an issue, I'll sure as hell rant online about it.) Hardly anyone asks about my life, so I simply choose to not say anything. She always complains about her problems to me, but never asks me about mine, even when it's blatantly obvious and she's aware I have something going on. So I don't share.

She brought up one of my ex boyfriends, who wasn't even related to our argument. She's upset and angry that I continue to maintain a friendship with said ex boyfriend. This ex, who I've been through hell and back with, has made several acts to apologize for our rough past and has significantly improved our friendship. I wouldn't try to maintain a friendship if he was a complete douche. We care about one another and regardless of our mistakes, we're best friends. And it's sad to say that throughout all of the shit I went through with him, he remained a better friend to me than her. He checked on me every day and asked me about my problems. He and I could actually communicate.

She starts saying how she can't talk to me about her problems. This is complete bullshit, because she literally messages me every night about how she's depressed, how she thinks her life is terrible, yada yada, when in whole reality SHE DOESN'T HAVE IT THAT BAD. She actually has it kind of better than me. Her parents buy her what she wants and needs, she has a job and a boyfriend who drowns her in more attention than she probably needs. She over exaggerates the littlest things in her life and bitches and moans about it endlessly. Needless to say I had enough of her complaining and hit my last straw tonight.

Saying all I talked about was my ex. Again, another load of shit. I'll go on a wing and throw in two against this one. ONE, I haven't said anything about my situation with the ex in weeks to her, or her puppy dog boyfriend. I haven't talked to either of them about my maintenance of a friendship because they lack the ability to understand why I would forgive a person and move on (because that is SO hard to grasp.) I've kept my problems and daily news to myself, as was explained earlier. TWO, We're friends, and every time she brought him up in our argument, she created this idea that we were dating again, and we're not. We're friends and we're making up for the road we demolished behind us. I'm gonna go off to the side and say my friend does not understand the concepts of acceptance, and forgive & forget. What the ex and I went through, I'll never forget. But I can forgive and be an adult about it; give me a couple of weeks to sob, then we can both stop being little bitches and be friends. Wah-la. But apparently that's voo-doo to comprehend, and it makes me a bad person.

Saying she hates the person I've become. Woah. Really? Then why am I here? Because I sure as hell haven't changed, and hardly a week ago I stayed the night and things were totally fine. I'm sorry I'm not fucking clingy and can't stay with you EVERY other night, or else you wouldn't be complaining about not having any friends.

Putting words in other peoples' mouths. She called me pathetic and stupid, saying her dad and my fatherly figure said the same thing, said her boyfriend agreed, and said my other best friend (guy named "G.") said it too. That pissed me off, and I didn't believe it, because for one, G's been a better friend to me than her as well. G knows almost everything about me, and later that night when I told him about the situation, he was completely shocked and offended. I also called my second father and brought what was said up to him, and he felt the same. He was shocked and confused and claimed he had no part in saying anything of the sort. That right there tells me she lied, and she's well aware that she lied. It offends me and disgusts me that the person I've trusted for years could so easily spit on me and purposely attempt to hurt me like that.

So after our dumb little fall out, her dumb little boyfriend starts texting me.

Accusations about said ex boyfriend again. He started off by bringing up my statement "he remained a better friend to me than her", trying to guilt me that I had lost my true friend and accusing me that I was going to get back with said ex and get hurt again. Sorry that it's true. My ex would actually talk to me, and we just managed to keep up a sturdier friendship. But don't talk shit about him or step into business you've hardly asked about. I'm trying to be adult-like about the situation and not hold grudges or dwell on petty teenage drama. I want to be a person's friend because I care about them. Damn. Didn't get the manual.

He just wants to get in your pants. This is pretty funny considering my ex and I only had sex one time the seven months we were together, when puppy dog and girlfriend have sex like 4 times a week. Not saying there's anything wrong with that, because I'm well aware sex is healthy for relationships, but that's a huge contradiction, and it's saying something. Don't call someone a horny bastard when they're really not, and you have more of a sex-based relationship than a communication-based relationship anyways.

"She wants a friend to talk with and she thought you would be that friend, but instead you like to tell her your problems and not listen to hers." Okay. Let's take a couple of steps back and look at how wrong this entire statement is. I listen to her problems ALL OF THE TIME because all she does, to be completely and brutally honest, is whine and cry every night that she is depressed and suicidal when in reality NOTHING IS WRONG WITH HER LIFE. She pulls the emotional bullshit on him every night and he is well aware I'm right. And I obviously don't tell her all of my problems and not listen to hers because she complained I didn't tell her anything. Puppy dog improvises his arguments.

Now that all of that is out, I want to conclude, but I'll throw in a couple side details. The other night I was talking to my second father about said ex, and how we were focusing on a friendship, and trying to make up for the past. When my ex and I were having problems, second father was the most outraged and protective of all those who were aware of the situation I was in with the ex. And yet, when I talked to him about moving forward in life, he was the first to let go of such rage and forgive. Why is that? Because he's an adult. He understands the concept of acceptance, and forgive & forget. That grudges are not healthy to hold, and happiness and comfortability is much more valuable in life. I confided in him about struggling to tell my friends any of my business relating to the ex, because even the mention of a friendship would trigger a terrible reaction. And in the end, that's exactly what it did. I was bombarded with ignorant accusations and practically spit on by the people I loved. The people I trusted would understand, and yet they threw everything back at my face. What good is a friend that completely puts down every decision and emotion you have? Who wouldn't give the time of day to care about or understand anything you have to say? They know nothing about me because they know nothing about acceptance. They don't even know how to forgive a person and forget a mistake. They can't even be happy that I'm finally happy for the first time in months. Stop bitching and complaining, we're a year from graduating. Grow up. The world isn't all roses and love poems. I feel bad, yet, I feel nothing when I say that I don't really care about losing this particular friend. She was hardly a friend at all; she never spoke to me, she never comforted me, she was just someone that was there. Her issues were shackles on my ankles, and as shameful as it is to admit in such a manner, as if I were setting a bird free from a cage, I think that I'll feel relieved when I wake up in a couple of hours.

"For now I'll learn and settle for less.
Shut my eyes and get some rest.
Feel the pulse beneath this sunken chest.
And maybe one day I can be there for you."

(12-11-2011 08:01 AM)houseofcantor Wrote:  "Love is merely chemistry" is a deception. We are merely chemistry. Love makes us master chemists.
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26-06-2013, 04:39 AM
RE: Ranting corner
(26-06-2013 03:40 AM)Ferdinand Wrote:  This is, in fact, the ranting corner, so I might as well go ham on the subject (teenage drama related, read for seriousness or entertainment) that's bothering me. I lost my best friend tonight over the dumbest sack of shit that's ever been thrown at me. And I'll be honest, I've been in some pretty shitty situations. I may go off topic-- just bear with me.

Dammit A, we got three guesses who you talking about? Not like it's a mystery she's all histrionic and shit... Hug

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26-06-2013, 09:50 AM
RE: Ranting corner
(26-06-2013 03:40 AM)Ferdinand Wrote:  just bare with me.

If I were you, I'd be careful saying things like this around here. This place has been getting some major creeps recently Tongue

Seriously though, that was an exceptionally well-written rant. You are also way wiser than I was at your age (and maybe even now). Whatever happens in the future between you and your friend, you seem to be well on your way to learning how to handle extreme neediness, self-involvement and emotional blackmail. And that can be extremely difficult.



As for my rant: Apparently, finding a raincoat in the summer in Bulgaria is somewhat of a pipe-dream. Or maybe a wet one? A mirage? Well, something...

Unless it's something so big, I can have a couple more people in it with me. Which is not necessarily such a bad idea, but still...




"E se non passa la tristezza con altri occhi la guarderĂ²."
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26-06-2013, 09:53 AM
RE: Ranting corner
(26-06-2013 04:39 AM)houseofcantor Wrote:  Dammit A, we got three guesses who you talking about? Not like it's a mystery she's all histrionic and shit... Hug

I don't think guesses are even necessary... It sucks, but, well, that's life. Hug

(12-11-2011 08:01 AM)houseofcantor Wrote:  "Love is merely chemistry" is a deception. We are merely chemistry. Love makes us master chemists.
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26-06-2013, 10:00 AM
RE: Ranting corner
(26-06-2013 09:50 AM)Vera Wrote:  
(26-06-2013 03:40 AM)Ferdinand Wrote:  just bare with me.

If I were you, I'd be careful saying things like this around here. This place has been getting some major creeps recently Tongue

Seriously though, that was an exceptionally well-written rant. You are also way wiser than I was at your age (and maybe even now). Whatever happens in the future between you and your friend, you seem to be well on your way to learning how to handle extreme neediness, self-involvement and emotional blackmail. And that can be extremely difficult.

Thank you Vera! Blush

Usually I try to avoid confrontation with anyone overall, but arguments with close friends are just inevitable sometimes. It just comes down to how you want to handle the situation in the end. If I was ever given an apology, I'd take it. But I'm not going to jump back on the happy ole' best friend boat. That's not how life works. Just like with the ex boyfriend, we didn't jump back to being friends after our sucky break up. We took our time to talk and build back up the friendship we once had. If she can't give me the time of day to so much as communicate with me, something tells me she'll have a patience problem with building a friendship back up to former glory. And something tells me I could be spending my time on choosing friends more wisely.

(12-11-2011 08:01 AM)houseofcantor Wrote:  "Love is merely chemistry" is a deception. We are merely chemistry. Love makes us master chemists.
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26-06-2013, 10:08 AM
RE: Ranting corner
(26-06-2013 03:40 AM)Ferdinand Wrote:  I think that I'll feel relieved when I wake up in a couple of hours.

And I do.

(12-11-2011 08:01 AM)houseofcantor Wrote:  "Love is merely chemistry" is a deception. We are merely chemistry. Love makes us master chemists.
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26-06-2013, 10:31 AM
RE: Ranting corner
(26-06-2013 10:00 AM)Ferdinand Wrote:  Thank you Vera! Blush

Usually I try to avoid confrontation with anyone overall, but arguments with close friends are just inevitable sometimes. It just comes down to how you want to handle the situation in the end. If I was ever given an apology, I'd take it. But I'm not going to jump back on the happy ole' best friend boat. That's not how life works. Just like with the ex boyfriend, we didn't jump back to being friends after our sucky break up. We took our time to talk and build back up the friendship we once had. If she can't give me the time of day to so much as communicate with me, something tells me she'll have a patience problem with building a friendship back up to former glory. And something tells me I could be spending my time on choosing friends more wisely.

That's really good thinking right there.

I don't know the exact situation or the people involved (nor is it any of my business), but the whole thing (the complaining, not really bothering to ask about you etc.) reminds me a lot of most of my major friendships. Apart from the fact that I never had arguments with any of them. I usually just reach my saturation point and leave.

Anyway, what I meant to say is that any relationship is a two-way street; it's as much about receiving, as it is about giving; both people in it are equally important and so are their problems. A good, healthy relationship shouldn't be a crutch for one of the people involved, because it's not fair on the other person; nor should arguments devolve into petty pissing contests, where people bring up stuff from prehistoric times... Well, I can go on and on, but I should probably shut it at one point Rolleyes

(My two cents on choosing friends: try to find out from the start whether the other person is in it because they need something from you (be it emotional support, attention, what have you) or because of you and the person you are. Easier said than done, though Confused )

I hope it all works out for you. Hug

"E se non passa la tristezza con altri occhi la guarderĂ²."
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26-06-2013, 11:47 AM
RE: Ranting corner
Ferd...
Sorry...maybe some time apart would help. Sometimes things go all screwy in friendships and work out on their own, let time and tempers cool. Take a breath...relax, don't try to fix everything.
Hope things are better soon.

A

See here they are, the bruises, some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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26-06-2013, 11:55 AM
RE: Ranting corner
Okay, damnit, I am officially old...gonna pout. Angry

Went to work yesterday, then the dentist...found out it's not a boat I am buying for him. It's a trip to Belize in August. Bet I don't even get a postcard. Dodgy

After that I loaded my car and took off to the east for right at one thousand miles. Drove straight through, took just over 15 hours. Now I feel like hell on toast.

Came into my daughter's house (she and kids at work and daycare) took a much needed shower and then about two and a half hour nap. I look like I may bleed out through my eyes...Visine isn't quite "getting the red out".

There was a time I could have done this and felt fine...not any more...BLAH!

Will be good to see them though and have birthday fun this weekend...if I am not in traction. Wink

See here they are, the bruises, some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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