Reacting Calmly
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13-07-2017, 11:02 PM
Reacting Calmly
What are some events where you've reacted calmly? In middle school, a kid was throwing a ball at my friend, who asked him to stop. He didn't stop throwing the ball, so I took the ball and threw it onto one of the school buildings. So, he decides to punch me in the back. I didn't fight back (partly because I didn't know how to fight), but also because I didn't understand why he attacked me. It's just a ball. I'm going to fight him because of a ball? Anyway, that's one of my best moments.

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13-07-2017, 11:11 PM
RE: Reacting Calmly
This is difficult for me because I almost always react calmly. It's extremely rarely that I raise my voice, and I've never responded to being provoked with physicality. I try to diffuse any emotional situations as much as possible.

I have a website here which discusses the issues and terminology surrounding religion and atheism. It's hopefully user friendly to all.
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13-07-2017, 11:47 PM
RE: Reacting Calmly
I've been in lots of situations where either my life or someone else's was threatened or in danger. People tend to think I would be the sort to panic but instead I have a tendency to take over in a calm way. I know it sounds like I'm bragging. It's weird thinking back on how many 911 type of situations I've seen or been in and helped out. And those are just outside of work. I don't even count things that happened caring for the disabled or teaching in public school.

One of my favorite stories though is I was at a restaurant sitting on a bench waiting for a table. It was back when I still drinking and getting high and I was super stoned on some great indica. And this really fragile 80+ elderly lady stood in front of me and started to wobble. Then suddenly she was definitely going down. I just caught her so perfectly. So gently. Her whole family and the restaurant staff all said good job and thank you and all that. And throughout the whole meal I kept thinking I caught her, I caught her. The good deed and that indica and then a nice meal, it was euphoric.
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14-07-2017, 12:20 AM
RE: Reacting Calmly
Well there was this one time going down the grapevine (it's a big hill just outside of LA) I was driving and this jerk wouldn't let me over, kept speeding up to stay right on my back tire so I floored it, he floored it and I was kinda like boxed in by Semi Trucks on all sides and he was coming up on the ass end of a pickup going way slower than us. I saw an opening between 2 trucks about 3/4 of a car length long and thought whelp duh, dove right in. Long story short I was able to make my lane change in the end. >.> I think my ex wife mighta tore the leather off the seat she was gripping it so hard ..... (cough)

DLJ Wrote:And, yes, the principle of freedom of expression works both ways... if someone starts shit, better shit is the best counter-argument.
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14-07-2017, 12:20 AM
RE: Reacting Calmly
>.> fuck... no wonder I'm divorced.....

DLJ Wrote:And, yes, the principle of freedom of expression works both ways... if someone starts shit, better shit is the best counter-argument.
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14-07-2017, 12:27 AM (This post was last modified: 14-07-2017 12:38 AM by JesseB.)
RE: Reacting Calmly
Then there was this one time, see I got a scar on my arm looks like I tried to kill myself... which a long time ago I came close, but that's not how I got this scar. I was carrying sheet metal with my cousin. We were carrying a bit more at a time than was really wise, but I wanted to get shit dun. We were building a red barn out on my parents property. Anyway He tripped and the top sheet of metal popped up and ran right down my fuckin arm cutting it right open. Oh dude you shoulda seen how much blood was gushing out, was kinda funny cause my cousin turned sheet white he looked like he was gonna pass out, so I told him. "boy you drop that and I'ma kick your ass." he said, "but your arm" I said "Finish the fucking job and let me worry about my damn arm." (I said it calmly though, which doesn't lend well in text given the language I was using. Shit I left a large puddle of blood all the way to the barn. I think I wrapped a T shirt around it and got back to work >.>

Then this one time I banged up my finger really bad it was swelling up like a fucking grapefruit so I took a drill bit and a bowel filled it with hydrogen peroxide, used the drill bit to pop a hole in my finger nail and dumped my hand in the bowl full of peroxide (funny enough I did this again... banged up my finger, though I didn't do the surgery myself this time..... a few years later went to the hospital and they pretty much did the same thing only they used some fancy tool that melted through my finger nail), needless to say I've lost a few fingernails in my life lol. Hell they grow back Smile .....eventually haha

lets see...... want any more?

OH when I was 19 I told my dad I was getting married. My ex wife (well back then she was my fiance) was sitting there, my dad grabbed a rifle put it to my head and said, "You think you're ready to get married" I looked him in the eyes and I said "Yes, I do" (hell of course I was I can properly use you're haha). Still holding the gun to MY fucking head he looked at my wife who was pissing her pants at that point and ask her, "Are you ready to get married" which... she was too scared shitless to say a damn word. Then he turned to me and said, "She's smarter than you, you should take her advice."

DLJ Wrote:And, yes, the principle of freedom of expression works both ways... if someone starts shit, better shit is the best counter-argument.
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14-07-2017, 12:37 AM
RE: Reacting Calmly
(13-07-2017 11:02 PM)GenesisNemesis Wrote:  What are some events where you've reacted calmly?
...

All of them.

When I worked in Oz, the company had everyone do the Herrmann Brain Dominance Test.

Here's the test ... you'll need an access code.

The result shows where you are on the following diagram:

[Image: b883a5789dadef74823d6a5f2bc8bb46--design...rument.jpg]

and will look something like this, although for me it was less like a square and more like a triangle (with the red part absent).

[Image: 653c99bfb84eb3f980dc86e082efcae0--inspir...ources.jpg]

You also get a second diagram that shows how you react in a stress scenario.

For me, that was entirely blue. It was in such stark contrast to all my colleagues (who went into red under stress) that it spurred me to look deeper into the causes (turns out: autistic traits ... no surprise to anyone except me).

Blink

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14-07-2017, 12:52 AM
RE: Reacting Calmly
(13-07-2017 11:11 PM)Robvalue Wrote:  This is difficult for me because I almost always react calmly. It's extremely rarely that I raise my voice, and I've never responded to being provoked with physicality. I try to diffuse any emotional situations as much as possible.

I'm kinda the same way, I don't like yelling, or violence. But you know what, nothing pissed my ex wife off more than how calm I was about everything. When we fought the more out of control she got the more control I showed and that just made her fucking mad as hell dude. She started callin me "old man" and "Spock" and "Fucking robot" n shit. She'd yell and scream and throw shit and break shit and punch me and slap me. And I wouldn't even raise my voice back at her, I wouldn't cower or hide from her neither. I'd just stand my ground and take it, fuck I'm used to that anyway.

Then again I had my hay days as a kid with a dad that would regularly throw me into a wall 20 feet away. Or throw me into the ceiling and let me drop to the floor, or hit me with a 2x4 that had nails stickin out. There's one thing that's for sure, you ever see me resort to violence I ain't fuckin around. I set a high bar on reacting with violence, with yelling and shit, I don't really like it much but I will yell sometimes if I think I can shock the fuck outa someone and get through their thick skulls. Once they've been surprised enough and they sit there with that stupid stunned look on their face I instantly switch back to being calm cause I wasn't really out of control to begin with, I was just acting the part needed to create the desired result. Once they are knocked off balance then you can start talking to them and they can start fucking thinking again. Except SV... that fucktard is unreachable no matter what you do. But to be honest, I think he's trolling.

DLJ Wrote:And, yes, the principle of freedom of expression works both ways... if someone starts shit, better shit is the best counter-argument.
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14-07-2017, 12:53 AM
RE: Reacting Calmly
(14-07-2017 12:37 AM)DLJ Wrote:  
(13-07-2017 11:02 PM)GenesisNemesis Wrote:  What are some events where you've reacted calmly?
...

All of them.

When I worked in Oz, the company had everyone do the Herrmann Brain Dominance Test.

Here's the test ... you'll need an access code.

The result shows where you are on the following diagram:

[Image: b883a5789dadef74823d6a5f2bc8bb46--design...rument.jpg]

and will look something like this, although for me it was less like a square and more like a triangle (with the red part absent).

[Image: 653c99bfb84eb3f980dc86e082efcae0--inspir...ources.jpg]

You also get a second diagram that shows how you react in a stress scenario.

For me, that was entirely blue. It was in such stark contrast to all my colleagues (who went into red under stress) that it spurred me to look deeper into the causes (turns out: autistic traits ... no surprise to anyone except me).

Blink

I'd like to take this test.

DLJ Wrote:And, yes, the principle of freedom of expression works both ways... if someone starts shit, better shit is the best counter-argument.
Big Grin
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14-07-2017, 01:14 AM
RE: Reacting Calmly
(14-07-2017 12:52 AM)JesseB Wrote:  
(13-07-2017 11:11 PM)Robvalue Wrote:  This is difficult for me because I almost always react calmly. It's extremely rarely that I raise my voice, and I've never responded to being provoked with physicality. I try to diffuse any emotional situations as much as possible.

I'm kinda the same way, I don't like yelling, or violence. But you know what, nothing pissed my ex wife off more than how calm I was about everything. When we fought the more out of control she got the more control I showed and that just made her fucking mad as hell dude. She started callin me "old man" and "Spock" and "Fucking robot" n shit. She'd yell and scream and throw shit and break shit and punch me and slap me. And I wouldn't even raise my voice back at her, I wouldn't cower or hide from her neither. I'd just stand my ground and take it, fuck I'm used to that anyway.

Then again I had my hay days as a kid with a dad that would regularly throw me into a wall 20 feet away. Or throw me into the ceiling and let me drop to the floor, or hit me with a 2x4 that had nails stickin out. There's one thing that's for sure, you ever see me resort to violence I ain't fuckin around. I set a high bar on reacting with violence, with yelling and shit, I don't really like it much but I will yell sometimes if I think I can shock the fuck outa someone and get through their thick skulls. Once they've been surprised enough and they sit there with that stupid stunned look on their face I instantly switch back to being calm cause I wasn't really out of control to begin with, I was just acting the part needed to create the desired result. Once they are knocked off balance then you can start talking to them and they can start fucking thinking again. Except SV... that fucktard is unreachable no matter what you do. But to be honest, I think he's trolling.

I've had something similar, although I've not been through such horrible physical abuse Sad

I've had several partners tell me I need to "argue back", because I refuse to get drawn in. I stay calm. I don't see the point in arguing. If someone won't have a reasonable discussion with me, then I'll just wait until they have calmed down. I think they just want their own emotional responses validated. I don't buy into this, "all couples do it", "it's healthy and clears the air". Nope, it's what happens if you bottle things up or don't deal with issues properly.

I stick by it, and it has worked. Some partners finally saw the sense in it and things were better off for it. Those that didn't I was better off without.

I have a website here which discusses the issues and terminology surrounding religion and atheism. It's hopefully user friendly to all.
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