Realism or Being Realistic, why does it offend people?
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04-02-2016, 03:26 AM
Realism or Being Realistic, why does it offend people?
re·al·ist. [ˈrēəlist]
NOUN

1.a person who accepts a situation as it is and is prepared to deal with it accordingly:
"I am a realist, with no time for your world of make believe"

2.an artist or writer whose style is characterized by the representation of people or things as they actually are:
"Dickens and other nineteenth-century realists"

3.
philosophy - a person who believes in the theory of realism:
"modern philosophical realists"


I consider myself pretty much a realist, though I do have a creative imaginary side too. However, like it or not a situation is what it is and sometimes there's nothing good or positive to say, just the facts. I don't get why so many people can't handle reality. I frequent other fo's (yes, I'm not monogamous with you here) and there are some that just can't get over being informed of the realities of life.

I do not understand this whitewashing (pardon the expression) of a situation just because you only want a happy endings or want to paint a pretty picture. People get really upset about it too.

For example: A poster posted about a friend who couldn't get anyone to date him. They claimed he was nice looking, well spoken, had interesting hobbies and reasonable intelligence but that they were in their early 40's and couldn't get past a few dates. Ever. They didn't understand how that could be.

I stated: "Maybe he's just an ass or boring or self involved. Maybe there's nothing wrong with him at all but that he just doesn't communicate well. IDK.

There's not a person for everyone. That's a myth. Just because he may be a good friend does not make him good partner material. My ex-husband is a great friend but as a husband, not so much.

That's just the way it is sometimes. He needs to learn to like living on his own and enjoy life as it is. Maybe he will meet someone that will work for him late in life. That happens sometimes.

Be happy today, tomorrow might not come anyway."


People got their panties in a bunch because I was so plain spoken about it and didn't offer supporting advice, didn't wrap it up in pretty phrases or cliché's. I say, it is what it is. Based on the bit of info the friend gave what else are you going to say about a person who's gotten into their 40's without ever having a relationship. I honestly feel his time would be better served just enjoying his life as best he can. I never said to stop looking, just stop focusing on it. It may never happen.

You'd have thought I advised for him to go kill himself. Facepalm

So, how do you feel about realism or being a realist? Like it? No? Do you want your realities softer or even candy coated? Do you purposely coddle others because you're trying to be extra nice or because you want them to be extra nice to you? I do know how to be gentle to fragile people but in a fo, talking third party, why would that be necessary?

Is my statement too harsh? Sometimes I can be a bit too outspoken, I know this about myself or even brash. Did I come off as mean? Be honest, I can take it.

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04-02-2016, 03:43 AM
RE: Realism or Being Realistic, why does it offend people?
Maybe he's broke? Maybe he's short?

I value truth alone and don't give a fuck about peoples sensibilities when it stops them from seeing the truth.

To truly be a realist, though, one must disassociate absolutely from the biological imperative for social-connectedness. In order to be part of the group one must 'toe the party line' - and every group has a party line. Dissenters get the boot.
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04-02-2016, 03:49 AM
RE: Realism or Being Realistic, why does it offend people?
(04-02-2016 03:43 AM)Gilgamesh Wrote:  Maybe he's broke? Maybe he's short?

I value truth alone and don't give a fuck about peoples sensibilities when it stops them from seeing the truth.

To truly be a realist, though, one must disassociate absolutely from the biological imperative for social-connectedness. In order to be part of the group one must 'toe the party line' - and every group has a party line. Dissenters get the boot.

Hmmm... *looks at tush* yep, there's boot prints there. Tongue

No, I don't always tow the social party line but I never do "mean" on purpose. Being hurtful on purpose is not me.

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04-02-2016, 03:55 AM
RE: Realism or Being Realistic, why does it offend people?
(04-02-2016 03:49 AM)Heatheness Wrote:  
(04-02-2016 03:43 AM)Gilgamesh Wrote:  Maybe he's broke? Maybe he's short?

I value truth alone and don't give a fuck about peoples sensibilities when it stops them from seeing the truth.

To truly be a realist, though, one must disassociate absolutely from the biological imperative for social-connectedness. In order to be part of the group one must 'toe the party line' - and every group has a party line. Dissenters get the boot.

Hmmm... *looks at tush* yep, there's boot prints there. Tongue

No, I don't always tow the social party line but I never do "mean" on purpose. Being hurtful on purpose is not me.

That's good. One shouldn't be mean on purpose. One shouldn't be afraid of being percieved as mean, though. To fear how one is percieved, and to self-censor because of it, is to toe the party line.
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04-02-2016, 04:18 AM
RE: Realism or Being Realistic, why does it offend people?
Yes a friend. . . sure.

No really I don't know. I don't think there was anything bad about your answer it's not like you claimed it was facts just stuff that it could be. Was it on this site? because if it were then I'd understand it if the thread was located in the personal issues and support part of the forum.
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04-02-2016, 05:38 AM
RE: Realism or Being Realistic, why does it offend people?
Unrealistic people get butthurt by realists. It's a sad fact of life.

I'm a realist. I'm not that good-looking, I don't have much money, and my good qualities aren't apparent at first glance. I don't expect a line at the door. It doesn't offend me when someone points out the obvious.

Is there someone for me? I doubt it. Why others are offended at straightforward thinking ... beats me, maybe reality scares them.
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04-02-2016, 06:02 AM
RE: Realism or Being Realistic, why does it offend people?
I don't have any issue with your statement to the guy, you're offering possible alternatives to some degree. Though of course it could be many more things like already mentioned.

Perhaps he isn't getting any date because he is as described well spoken or into what he deems interesting hobbies. And that pushes off people because that can be quite passive and specific that it doesn't drum up any interest to other people. And maybe you're right.

I really don't get the whole "i'm realistic" points though. Generally that isn't legit at all to anything I would call "realistic" because it's entirely limited. It's realistic to what? a narrow point of view from one side?

Really you're just saying I don't like painting things with a soft whitewashing coat. That's not meaning you're being realistic in the scenarios. It's not really saying the facts, because the facts are unknown. It really just becomes exporting some personal opinion as proclaimed to be the facts which is just as silly as saying false pleasantries.

"Allow there to be a spectrum in all that you see" - Neil Degrasse Tyson
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04-02-2016, 06:10 AM
RE: Realism or Being Realistic, why does it offend people?
Maybe they need Jesus? Laughat

I'm coming up on my 50th birthday, I feel the same way, I just don't have time to deny reality or coddle someone that wants it spoon-fed to them.

So I'll just bluntly tell them what's on my mind, damn the torpedoes!

Gods derive their power from post-hoc rationalizations. -The Inquisition

Using the supernatural to explain events in your life is a failure of the intellect to comprehend the world around you. -The Inquisition
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04-02-2016, 06:12 AM
RE: Realism or Being Realistic, why does it offend people?
I dunno...

There's another component you may not know........

Some people (and I've seen this -- my sister was married to one) -- SEEM like the nicest people- - when you first meet them......
'
And, after they get to know you, and get comfortable--- they change.........

In the case of my EX brother-in-law -- he seemed like a really nice guy -- and everyone liked him.... (I never did quite trust him.... his eyes didn't line up with his smile, if ya know what I mean.... Sorta like a politician looking for votes...) But -- after a few years of marriage -- he became a morose fucker around my sister, whenever they were together alone......'

She said it was almost a Jekyll/Hyde sort of thing. He'd be a real asshole, and somebody would walk in, and he'd turn into the nicest guy........

She stayed married to him for 25 years....... (She's one of those "till death do us part" xtians....)

So, ya never know --- it's totally possible there's other stuff going on, that you, and they - don't know about.....

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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04-02-2016, 06:17 AM
RE: Realism or Being Realistic, why does it offend people?
Right here and right now, I'm having a little trouble with reality.

In fact, 'existence' is a concept that's a little overwhelming at the moment.

It could be jet-lag; it could be something else Smokin but it could be sensory overload ... or d) All of the above.

Reality is scary. It leads to nihilism.

Bursting someone's bubble can stimulate fear. I've seen it so offen in theists' eyes. And reactions vary.

Stating what seems to you to be cold, hard facts (reality) should not effect a third person in the same way. They, ordinarily (you'd think) would simply judge your words as being your own view of reality.

So two possible reasons for panty-bunching:

1. The are empathising with that first person and find your directness painful (i.e. painful if they were that person).
2. They related your comments to their own reality and it scared them (i.e. in their own version of reality they are that person)

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