Recovering Jehovahs Witness
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22-03-2013, 09:29 PM
Recovering Jehovahs Witness
I'm new here to the forum so take this as my intro as well.

Although my family is all JW. I've managed to stay away from the JW debates/discussions/whatever for a few years now. Over the last few weeks my brother in law has been asking to come over with one of the "elders" to talk. Now, I'm ok with religious discussion. I actually welcome hearing other people's ideas and opinions. With the JWs it's a bit different. If I were to "come out" my family would be obligated to stay away from me. No talking. No time for tea. No nothing. I'm hoping to just avoid this visit altogether but anyone that knows the JWs, knows that's not really going to happen. I guess I need suggestions on how to approach this while appearing neutral? I'm open to hear any ideas. i was hoping someone here has gone through something similar so we can connect.

I should also mention I am a single father with three kids (9, 6 & 4)...so family is huge for me.
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23-03-2013, 12:34 AM (This post was last modified: 23-03-2013 12:54 AM by SingingBear.)
RE: Recovering Jehovahs Witness
My father, mother, and older brother are JWs. Both of my grandmothers (deceased) were JWs. 2 uncles are JWs, and 2 aunts, 4 cousins, 6 nephews, 2 nieces. Father-in-law, mother-in-law, 4 brothers-in-law, and 4 sisters-in-law.

I was raised a Witness. Believed until I was about 18 (31 now). I used to give excellent talks in front of the congregation. Used to pioneer and auxiliary pioneer. Even had a part in a district convention with my Uncle Dan.

Quote: If I were to "come out" my family would be obligated to stay away from
me. No talking. No time for tea. No nothing. I'm hoping to just avoid
this visit altogether but anyone that knows the JWs, knows that's not
really going to happen.

Should I gather from your post that your wife and children are indoctrinated and/or baptized? What is their level of involvement?

I can relate if it's father, mother, brothers, cousins, nieces, nephews, inlaws. I have experience with that. If it's your wife and your kids, that's an entirely different ballpark.

"The problem with faith is that it really is a conversation stopper. Faith is a declaration of immunity to the powers of conversation. It is a reason why you do not have to give reasons for what you believe." - Sam Harris
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23-03-2013, 01:34 AM
RE: Recovering Jehovahs Witness
Oh! And welcome. Smile I'm pretty new myself. Good discussions here. I really like these folks.

"The problem with faith is that it really is a conversation stopper. Faith is a declaration of immunity to the powers of conversation. It is a reason why you do not have to give reasons for what you believe." - Sam Harris
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23-03-2013, 02:50 AM
RE: Recovering Jehovahs Witness
Sorry, I have no insight into JWs.

I do have a coworker and friend who is not a JW himself, and never has been, but after he was married his wife became a JW and brought all 3 of his kids into it. Two of them have left (disfellowed?) but his wife and the other child are still JWs. She goes to church, knocks on doors, does the whole thing (you know what all that is way better than I do; all I know is that my coworker tells me that she's in deep, serves at every opportunity, and has no intention to ever leave).

My coworker's family seems happy enough and their relationship seems good and strong.

So my question is, if he can be a non-JW and still be married to a JW, and his whole family is close (they all live together, the two older former JWs are in college and living at home still), they go out together, vacation together, do everything together, no avoidance, no shunning, then what makes things different for you?

Is it a rule that your family MUST avoid you if you come out? Maybe my coworker's family is simply ignoring a rule that your family would not ignore?

"Whores perform the same function as priests, but far more thoroughly." - Robert A. Heinlein
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23-03-2013, 06:49 AM
RE: Recovering Jehovahs Witness
Every situation is different. My now ex-wife became pregnant with our first child before we were married. We had a shotgun wedding and were disfellowshipped a few months later. Our family and friends all stayed away. They did not help us as new parents. It was really messed up. My parents were alittle less strict but only for emergency type stuff. My brother and sister wouldn't even return a text. We did the whole dog and pony show, going to meetings, etc...for about a year before they let us back in. After we were reinstated we just fazed out and kept quiet. We were able to talk to our family at this point.

Another friend of mine was getting knee surgery. His wife had recently left him and he was disfellowshipped. None of his family, not even his mother would help him initially. Eventually his mother did come to the house post surgery to help but now that he's healed, no one talks to him. The elders were very strict with his mother...after she told them that she was helping him they actually asked her if she "felt dirty". Seriously...I couldn't make this up if I tried.

So I guess every situation is different. Fortunately your friend and their family is smart. Unfortunately, I already know what it will be for me.
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23-03-2013, 06:52 AM
RE: Recovering Jehovahs Witness

Should I gather from your post that your wife and children are indoctrinated and/or baptized? What is their level of involvement?

I can relate if it's father, mother, brothers, cousins, nieces, nephews, inlaws. I have experience with that. If it's your wife and your kids, that's an entirely different ballpark.
[/quote]

My ex left me and the kids in 2010. Since then I've raised them myself with the help of family and friends. Many of which are JW. My kids are being raised with an understanding of religion but a respect for science and logic.
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23-03-2013, 06:36 PM
RE: Recovering Jehovahs Witness
I don't know JWs but can't you just lie your way out of it?

Something like you want to be there for your kids and as a single father that needs a lot of energy (especially if they are supposed to become good JWs), but you still believe and stuff?
But isn't it more about Not using the A-word and less about proving their suspicions wrong? As long as they don't have proof of your apostasy, isnt that enough? or not with JWs?
If so, you know their religion, i bet you know all of their arguments and can sleep-talk them?
Just saying I'd rather lie than lose support over their crappy religion.
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23-03-2013, 06:52 PM
RE: Recovering Jehovahs Witness
I am sorry but I am of no help. All I know about that religion is the people that have knocked on my door over the years.

I have a couple of really funny stories about this, but you likely wouldn't enjoy them.

The last encounter was less humorous - I found them in my garden talking to my very ill (atheist) husband who was in no shape to debate anything. They were really pushing him and it made me very angry. I threw them out - and I wasn't nice about it either. Haven't seen them since.

I can't understand how relatives, especially parents, can shun a family member. It just seems inhuman. Same thing with refusing medical treatment for kids.

This is so very wrong, and they are so very deluded, that I would be scared for my kids if they had contact with people who believe in this.

If I were you, I would want to remove my kids from their influence.

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Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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23-03-2013, 06:52 PM
RE: Recovering Jehovahs Witness
(23-03-2013 06:36 PM)Vipa Wrote:  I don't know JWs but can't you just lie your way out of it?

Something like you want to be there for your kids and as a single father that needs a lot of energy (especially if they are supposed to become good JWs), but you still believe and stuff?
But isn't it more about Not using the A-word and less about proving their suspicions wrong? As long as they don't have proof of your apostasy, isnt that enough? or not with JWs?
If so, you know their religion, i bet you know all of their arguments and can sleep-talk them?
Just saying I'd rather lie than lose support over their crappy religion.

That's perfect. Exactly what I believe I was thinking subconsciously all along.

Good work. Bravo!!
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24-03-2013, 11:04 AM
RE: Recovering Jehovahs Witness
Urrgh, never knew just how cultish JW's were, no offense intended. That is pretty scary to me, Charles Manson control scary. I have no advice to you except do what you must.

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