Relationship Issues - My GF Always Plays Victim
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07-01-2016, 04:31 PM
RE: Relationship Issues - My GF Always Plays Victim
You made many complaints about things you clearly stated and understand are her personality traits. So what is it you like about this girl if it's not her personality?

From you POV she may have self-esteem issues or be raised in a submissive role (her culture/religion is definitely a factor here) and that is not something you can change because someone says so. If she wants you to take the lead all the time and it's not something you want then cut her lose. This is who she is.

You cannot dictate to her what she should be like to please you on the one hand and cry that she's too submissive on the other. Makes no sense.

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07-01-2016, 04:32 PM
RE: Relationship Issues - My GF Always Plays Victim
(07-01-2016 04:20 PM)Adrianime Wrote:  Pretty sure JennyBee said the same thing about me TheLogicalAtheist, so don't be as offended as I was when she said it Tongue.

Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you No I just like a more relaxed type of rship and don't like to be "on" all the time. But as I say everyone is different. Clearly, your rship is working for you and that's all that matters. Again, I am sorry if I offended you Hug

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07-01-2016, 04:39 PM
RE: Relationship Issues - My GF Always Plays Victim
(07-01-2016 04:31 PM)Heatheness Wrote:  You made many complaints about things you clearly stated and understand are her personality traits. So what is it you like about this girl if it's not her personality?

From you POV she may have self-esteem issues or be raised in a submissive role (her culture/religion is definitely a factor here) and that is not something you can change because someone says so. If she wants you to take the lead all the time and it's not something you want then cut her lose. This is who she is.

You cannot dictate to her what she should be like to please you on the one hand and cry that she's too submissive on the other. Makes no sense.

I don't mind making all the decisions, but I interpret her actions mentioned in my original post as a lack of interest, not submissiveness. Submissiveness does not cause her to not know how to ask questions to me and show some interest in my life. etc.

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07-01-2016, 04:40 PM
RE: Relationship Issues - My GF Always Plays Victim
(07-01-2016 04:32 PM)jennybee Wrote:  
(07-01-2016 04:20 PM)Adrianime Wrote:  Pretty sure JennyBee said the same thing about me TheLogicalAtheist, so don't be as offended as I was when she said it Tongue.

Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you No I just like a more relaxed type of rship and don't like to be "on" all the time. But as I say everyone is different. Clearly, your rship is working for you and that's all that matters. Again, I am sorry if I offended you Hug
I know, I got over it Tongue. I don't consider myself high maintenance, but I do consider those who wouldn't appreciate the level of affection I give detatched Tongue. So maybe we're even! mwahahaha Laugh out load

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07-01-2016, 04:46 PM
RE: Relationship Issues - My GF Always Plays Victim
(07-01-2016 04:39 PM)TheLogicalAthiest Wrote:  
(07-01-2016 04:31 PM)Heatheness Wrote:  You made many complaints about things you clearly stated and understand are her personality traits. So what is it you like about this girl if it's not her personality?

From you POV she may have self-esteem issues or be raised in a submissive role (her culture/religion is definitely a factor here) and that is not something you can change because someone says so. If she wants you to take the lead all the time and it's not something you want then cut her lose. This is who she is.

You cannot dictate to her what she should be like to please you on the one hand and cry that she's too submissive on the other. Makes no sense.


I don't mind making all the decisions, but I interpret her actions mentioned in my original post as a lack of interest, not submissiveness. Submissiveness does not cause her to not know how to ask questions to me and show some interest in my life. etc.

I don't know, never been submissive unless on command. Laugh out load

Sounds more like you two are not a good match. Between this post and the other one you sound way more committed to this relationship than she does. I'd give it a rest.... well to be honest I personally would sever it, but that's me.

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07-01-2016, 05:03 PM
RE: Relationship Issues - My GF Always Plays Victim
(07-01-2016 04:40 PM)Adrianime Wrote:  
(07-01-2016 04:32 PM)jennybee Wrote:  Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you No I just like a more relaxed type of rship and don't like to be "on" all the time. But as I say everyone is different. Clearly, your rship is working for you and that's all that matters. Again, I am sorry if I offended you Hug
I know, I got over it Tongue. I don't consider myself high maintenance, but I do consider those who wouldn't appreciate the level of affection I give detatched Tongue. So maybe we're even! mwahahaha Laugh out load

I think there's a balance between detached and high maintenance. I think I'm more in the middle of those two extremes. I like balance in my life! Tongue

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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07-01-2016, 05:04 PM
RE: Relationship Issues - My GF Always Plays Victim
(07-01-2016 05:03 PM)jennybee Wrote:  I like balance in my life! Tongue
*she says as she strikes a yoga-pose*

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07-01-2016, 05:06 PM
RE: Relationship Issues - My GF Always Plays Victim
Anyways, sorry dude, didn't mean to talk about other things in your thread Smile. Breaking up sucks, but I'm all for maximizing happiness. That's the direction I would try to go.

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07-01-2016, 05:11 PM
RE: Relationship Issues - My GF Always Plays Victim
Just a thought.......

There's a whole world out there - that's not on the internet....................

...

And - slightly over half of the population is women.............

....

How can you lose????


.....

Get out there and enjoy it.


....

Smile

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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07-01-2016, 05:16 PM
RE: Relationship Issues - My GF Always Plays Victim
(07-01-2016 03:32 PM)TheLogicalAthiest Wrote:  Today I expressed to her that I felt I was being taken for granted, that I am becoming her personal entertainer on Skype and that I wanted her to change. She is having a hard time at home currently, she nearly cried this morning yet she always claims she is okay. I have told her so many times these past few months that she can come to me about anything and I will listen and support her but she never has. She keeps everything to herself. I on the other hand am very open and I will share my feeling with her. It's a struggle for her to tell me anything personal, even simple things. That is her personality though and that is not what has me angry, although I really would like her to feel confident opening up to me, it does frustrate me that she treats me like some stranger in regards to her personal feelings.
It may not be her. It might be you.

I'm not taking a jab at you. I am relaying on my own personal experience.
I have been in a similar experience for many years.
If you drill her with questions or try to solve her problems then she may not feel comfortable in confiding in you. Perhaps all she wants is a person to relate to, a person who will validate her feelings rather than a person who will deny them.

e.g.
Her - "I hate my boss"
Him - "Oh, why do you say that?"
Her - "He told me off for not getting some work done on time."
Him - "OK, well, why didn't you get it completed?"
Her - "There was some other higher priority stuff that came up, so I did that instead. The original work could wait, it wasn't holding anyone up"
Him - "Did you explain this to him?"
Her - "Yeah, of course I did. But he says when I make a commitment then I need to stick to it, He's such a douche"
Him - "i can understand his point, but he does seem a bit inflexible, Oh well, best to just let it go and move forward, maybe talk him through in the future how you should deal with unscheduled high priority work?

Another approach would be this.
Her - "I hate my boss"
Him - "Oh?"
Her - "I had commited to some work but some high priority issue came up which I sorted out and then didn't have time to complete the other work I committed to?"
Him - "That sounds like a no win situation, but you had to make a judgement call"
Her - "Yeah, the priority issue was affecting a Bid Proposal that was potentially worth millions to the company, I had to do it."
Him - "Sounds like you made the right call"
Her - "absolutely, but my boss told me off for not completing my original work"
Him - "That must have pissed you off"
Her - "Tell me about it, what a bastard!"
Him - "Your boss seems a bit short sighted"
Her - "He's inflexible, just thinks I need to fulfill my commitments no matter what"
Him - "That must be frustrating"
Her - "Yip, Thanks for listening, I really needed to get that off my chest, otherwise I felt I was going to explode"
Him - "No worries, always happy for you to vent to me."

Now I don't know how your interactions with your girl friend go but I think if you think that generally the problem is yourself rather than her then perhaps there is a way to move forward. Certainly a way that you may be in control of. If the problem is genuinely her than you have no control on this. You can't change her as easily as you can change yourself.

(07-01-2016 03:32 PM)TheLogicalAthiest Wrote:  Her communication is quite poor in my opinion, when we were in person if we would go out for dinner, I would honestly expect her not to say much and that I would do all the talking.
In my experience it is the women that are best at communicating. Listening is a very important communication skill. Perhaps you could focus more on listening and less on talking.
I have this problem, why wife thinks she can't often get a word in, she tells me that is why she is so quiet.

(07-01-2016 03:32 PM)TheLogicalAthiest Wrote:  Another negative aspect is that she hardly ever asks about me. Here is an example of a recent text conversation:

Her: Hey (She can't even make the effort to ask a question)
Me: Hey (I am at the stage where I am not going to make any more effort if she clearly can't.)
Her: Hey you
Me: Hey you too
Her: Hey LogicalAthiest
Me: How are you? (I finally ask a question because its getting stupid)
Her: Good thanks
Me: Great
Her: Smile (notice she never bothered to ask me how I was, she never asks me about my day either even though I ask her)
/end of chat. (I could talk more but I am not wasting my time with someone who can't even hold a basic conversation.)
Perhaps instead of you responding "Hey" you could have said "Hey there, What's up?"
Maybe she just wanted to know that you are there.

I don't know, if she never seems interested in you, maybe she is waiting for you to volunteer something or perhaps she isn't into you.
Relationships are complex, it's hard to understand your relationship from just this post.
Anyway, if the relationship is more work that it is organic then perhaps it's not going to work out. I've heard that long distance relationships are hard.

(07-01-2016 03:32 PM)TheLogicalAthiest Wrote:  I feel as if she is trying to force me to dump her. I don't think she wants a relationship, it seems like she just want attention.
Yurgh, that sux.
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