Relationship Issues - My GF Always Plays Victim
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07-01-2016, 06:11 PM
RE: Relationship Issues - My GF Always Plays Victim
I don’t care how “together” a person seems to be on the outside, we’ve all got some issue(s) that we’re dealing with privately (if we didn’t, then life would be so much less interesting). Perhaps one reason that your girlfriend doesn’t want to open up to you is because she’s trying to handle her problems internally and doesn’t wish to worry you. Maybe she feels that adding a certain issue to the topics of conversation that you two discuss will make matters worse for her because the problem will be acknowledged, highlighted and discussed beyond her comfort level. This may be her problem with herself and not her problem with you. Your presence in her life may cause her to stop dwelling on her issues or possibly inspire her to address her problems in a more positive and constructive manner than she would otherwise do without your influence.

My strategy of ignoring my problems until they disappear never seems to work out for me. ...I'll try to get around to dealing with that in the near future.
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07-01-2016, 08:13 PM
RE: Relationship Issues - My GF Always Plays Victim
(07-01-2016 03:48 PM)TheLogicalAthiest Wrote:  
(07-01-2016 03:41 PM)Adrianime Wrote:  Without judging your situation, I'll just say that one thing that helped me in my relationship was to stop FORCING interaction. Depending on what type of people you are it just might not work. For the first 2 years I was with my girl I made a point to talk on the phone every night before bed. But eventually it just started being the same conversations "how are you" "what's on your mind" "anything interesting happen today?". It's nice and all, but it was often met with "I'm good, nothing much, not really". At one point I said we should stop doing this obligatory phone call and it was a very good move for us. We would simply text goodnight and then talk about stuff only if we had something to talk about.

For us, I felt like expecting a conversation to happen every night was unrealistic.

I can understand that. I try and make an effort though, I always have suggestions for activities like we read stories to each other, play online games, watch movies, read our diaries etc. But she doesn't suggest much if at all and she engages in them half heartedly. Also, even if we don't have things to talk about, it doesn't not explain why she doesn't acknowledge my attempts to support her and will ignore my messages. I think she is ignorant.

Let her go, women are like buses, if one goes another will be along in 20 minutes!
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08-01-2016, 09:27 AM
RE: Relationship Issues - My GF Always Plays Victim
I am not one to talk much about personal issues. I would not be comfortable being pressed for information or made to feel as though I had to confide. If/When I'm ready to talk, I'll talk. Don't try to guilt me into confessing my problems.

Just food for thought.

We have enough youth. How about looking for the Fountain of Smart?
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08-01-2016, 10:40 AM
RE: Relationship Issues - My GF Always Plays Victim
(07-01-2016 03:32 PM)TheLogicalAthiest Wrote:  Hello everyone,

I am pissed at my girlfriend right now and I thought I would post here as I posted here last time for advice and people gave me some great feedback and support.

Me and my girlfriend are currently in a long distance relationship. It increasingly seems like I am putting the majority of the effort into our relationship and that she is ungrateful and cannot take any criticism.

We have started to argue more frequently, the latest argument being the following...

Today I expressed to her that I felt I was being taken for granted, that I am becoming her personal entertainer on Skype and that I wanted her to change. She is having a hard time at home currently, she nearly cried this morning yet she always claims she is okay. I have told her so many times these past few months that she can come to me about anything and I will listen and support her but she never has. She keeps everything to herself. I on the other hand am very open and I will share my feeling with her. It's a struggle for her to tell me anything personal, even simple things. That is her personality though and that is not what has me angry, although I really would like her to feel confident opening up to me, it does frustrate me that she treats me like some stranger in regards to her personal feelings.

Her communication is quite poor in my opinion, when we were in person if we would go out for dinner, I would honestly expect her not to say much and that I would do all the talking. Another negative aspect is that she hardly ever asks about me. Here is an example of a recent text conversation:

Her: Hey (She can't even make the effort to ask a question)
Me: Hey (I am at the stage where I am not going to make any more effort if she clearly can't.)
Her: Hey you
Me: Hey you too
Her: Hey LogicalAthiest
Me: How are you? (I finally ask a question because its getting stupid)
Her: Good thanks
Me: Great
Her: Smile (notice she never bothered to ask me how I was, she never asks me about my day either even though I ask her)
/end of chat. (I could talk more but I am not wasting my time with someone who can't even hold a basic conversation.)

The same on Skype nowadays, I try and be upbeat and try and get us to do some fun stuff together. She is often negative towards it or halfheartedly takes part, like reading a story in the most mundane way possible.

This morning she was upset about how her parents are stressing her and so I gave her my support and found an article online which encourages closed up people like her to take the first step and open up to the one they love. As what is becoming usual. I got no reply, no thank you, no nothing. (There are many other situations where it seems like she is ungrateful. Like when I pay for dinner out and she doesn't thank me.) It comes to the late afternoon (she is in SE Asia so her timezone) and I ring her to ask how she is doing because she was upset this morning. She text me saying she was in the car on the way home so she couldn't answer. I tell her to ring me when she gets home if she can so we can talk. I don't get any reply to this and it comes to midnight her time. I text her asking how she is and then how come she didn't ring me. She said that she did ring me, I said that I got no notification and that it was ignorant to ignore my efforts to support her etc. I texted her explaining exactly how she has made me feel, all the sorts of things I have mentioned in this post and more...

I look on her twitter 30 minutes ago and she has posted a passive aggressive tweet relating to our text conversation saying that she had to read the texts multiple times and she found it 'unreal'. I was so angry, how can she think that it is unbelievable that I might feel this way about her actions. Any criticism and she gets pissed off. I don't expect her to text me for at least a day, I expect her to ignore the messages I sent her that she claimed were 'unreal' and she hasn't even had the respect to reply to.

I feel as if she is trying to force me to dump her. I don't think she wants a relationship, it seems like she just want attention.

- Thanks for everyone who read all of this!

I'd say stick a fork in it, it's dead.
She doesn't seem all that into you, or the relationship. It's all probably just some placeholder till she moves on to someone else.

"Tell me, muse, of the storyteller who has been thrust to the edge of the world, both an infant and an ancient, and through him reveal everyman." ---Homer the aged poet.

"In Him was life, and the life was the Light of men. The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it."
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08-01-2016, 10:55 AM
RE: Relationship Issues - My GF Always Plays Victim
When she doesn't ask how you are or how your day is I think that's a bit cold. Sometimes it's okay, but if it's everyday that seems uncaring.

For the expectation of a thank you after helping her when maybe her problems are not resolved yet, I think that's asking a lot, especially if she's still working through it.

Maybe not a good match either way?
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