Relationship bullshit
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15-05-2016, 10:46 PM
Thumbs Down Relationship bullshit
I'm heartbroken like seriously... I could really use some advice. The guy I've known for over two years, best friend and what you might consider casual boyfriend and I had a discussion. I always tease him about when he's going to ask to marry me, not that I'm actually expecting it anytime soon but simply because I would love to marry him in the future, well he might've just stabbed me in the stomach right then in there...he told me he could never marry me unless I became religious (specifically Catholic) Shocking We're both aware of each others beliefs (I obviously being an atheist) and him being religious up the wazoo Sadcryface but it just simply wasn't ever relevant to us to have much discussion about. He got pretty emotional and told me that we would always be friends and he'd always love me but he couldn't make that commitment if I didn't share his belief in god. Now now before my fellow sinners go screaming to get rid of him, typically I would I've had multiple people break up with me or threaten to (followed by me actually breaking up with them) because I'm an atheist, the issue is that this guy...well I can say I've never loved someone more, he was the one who has spent hours upon hours talking to me all night when I was suicidal, convincing me to keep going and to give life another chance (even avoiding the whole god loves you spiel for me), I can without any hesitation say I'd probably not be here right now to type this if it wasn't for him. I planned having a life with this guy and...it just got destroyed in a hour and 31 minute conversation. The thing is though, that instead of just simply sulking and hiding away until I wither into a lifeless corpse like I planned, I've actually been seriously thinking about well essentially faking being religious for him, I honestly could do it to I'm that kind of selfish Dodgy I mean... I've done worse Cool Ok my self comforting gallows humor aside I'm being completely serious, like I'm trying to weigh the cons and pros of faking well essentially part of my identity as my (lack of) belief in god is fundamental to me. I'm a emotional blob right now Weeping
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15-05-2016, 11:40 PM
RE: Relationship bullshit
(15-05-2016 10:46 PM)Holle03 Wrote:  I'm heartbroken like seriously... I could really use some advice. The guy I've known for over two years, best friend and what you might consider casual boyfriend and I had a discussion. I always tease him about when he's going to ask to marry me, not that I'm actually expecting it anytime soon but simply because I would love to marry him in the future, well he might've just stabbed me in the stomach right then in there...he told me he could never marry me unless I became religious (specifically Catholic) Shocking We're both aware of each others beliefs (I obviously being an atheist) and him being religious up the wazoo Sadcryface but it just simply wasn't ever relevant to us to have much discussion about. :

Sounds to me like you dodged a bullet.

He can go and fuck himself.

There are plenty of fish in the sea.

You also sound young. My advice is go and live a little.

Good luck.

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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15-05-2016, 11:56 PM
RE: Relationship bullshit
Hug

Still... on the bright side.....you've got a friend, Yes
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16-05-2016, 12:15 AM
RE: Relationship bullshit
(15-05-2016 11:56 PM)Peebothuhul Wrote:  Hug

Still... on the bright side.....you've got a friend, Yes

Tbh... I appreciate that you commented, because I'm ridiculously exhausted and I read your name as peebutt and it made me laugh. Thank you Heart
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16-05-2016, 12:36 AM
RE: Relationship bullshit
This is my opinion and you may take it as you wish.

Relationships are really built on trust, lies in relationships usually weaken the foundation so it will eventually fall and you may end up being more hurt than from the conversation. Plus it takes a lot to fake being religious. Crazy is not easy. trust me Tongue . Because of the added stress of making sure you play your part, you may not be as happy in the relationship as you may believe you would be. Probably best to look elsewhere and find someone you can be yourself with, but maybe keep him close in case he turns. You deserve the best and shouldn't settle until you get it.

"If you keep trying to better yourself that's enough for me. We don't decide which hand we are dealt in life, but we make the decision to play it or fold it" - Nishi Karano Kaze
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16-05-2016, 01:42 AM
RE: Relationship bullshit
In any relationship there has to be trust and a lot of give and take. It seems to me that he's not prepared to tolerate your atheism...........so he's not prepared to give much is he?

I know lots of people who are in "mixed" relationships - catholic/protestant, muslim/christian etc. My own brother who is atheist is married to a devout catholic. So while this guy obviously cares about you, he's not prepared to live in a marriage where both of you tolerate each other's theistic outlooks. Not much tolerance there. Either that or he's used the religion thing as an excuse because he's not ready for marriage.

As far as living the lie of pretending to be a christian..........well that's not really going to work either is it. You'd be deceiving him right from the word go. Hardly a recipe for a long-lasting marriage. And what sort of life would you have living a lie? What about any children? And what if he really doesn't want to marry you and after you announce your conversion he tells you it makes no difference? Then you'll probably lose a friend because he'll have lied to you, and you'll have lied to him.

You might be feeling tremendous heartache and disappointment now but move on. There are lots of decent guys out there who I'm sure will make far better life-partners.

The invisible and the non-existent look very much alike
Excreta Tauri Sapientam Fulgeat (The excrement of the bull causes wisdom to flee)
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16-05-2016, 02:14 AM
RE: Relationship bullshit
If you cannot be yourself in a relationship, that relationship is not worth nurturing. If the "you" they like is a sham, what does that tell you about the relationship itself?

You should never marry someone who doesn't accept you for who you are, either. That's not to say marriages don't have disagreements -- they obviously do -- but someone who tells you "you must think like I do or else we cannot be committed" is power-tripping you, or is truly deluded. In either case, run, don't walk, away. Love is about acceptance.

And finally -- if he cannot accept your lack of belief, why hasn't he made the break himself? What is he getting out of this relationship if you're not The One?

Look after your own interests from here on out. He's given you fair warning.
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16-05-2016, 05:20 AM
RE: Relationship bullshit
I agree with the previous posts about honesty.

If you truly love him then deceiving him would not be something you would really want to do. Or is your love about your needs rather than his needs, if so that's not love. Just because he won't be your mate does not mean he can't be in your life. Relationships change all the time, it's imperative that they do to remain healthy. This issue is not him it's you. He has known you will not be his mate, you are just learning it. It's a shock because you had something built up in your mind that wasn't real and now the truth is in your face and can't be ignored.

Let it set in your mind a while. Imagine a different relationship with him as your lifelong friend and see how that feels for you. Yes, you may have a broken heart but in the end a relationship based on lies is doomed to fail, do you want that fallout to crush others, him, maybe children down the road? He is giving you the loving gift of honesty, you should do the same, for him and for yourself.

I'm sorry you're hurting but this will pass and there are others out there who'll love you for the person you are and not turn you away because you don't share their religious delusion. Be well.

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16-05-2016, 05:57 AM
RE: Relationship bullshit
I'm sorry you're feeling so hurt. It's never easy to find out something like this. Even if the religion issue wasn't in the way, it sounds like the romantic aspect of your relationship might be more important to you than it is to him. If you fake-convert to be with him, even if you convince him your belief is genuine, marriage still might not happen. If you do marry, the pressure on you to conform religiously would be very strong from him and his family, as your husband already has noted he would not support your atheism. If they're as religious as he is, you would have to spend a lot of time at religious services and events, wearing a false face, teach your children to be Christians, etc., and it is not worth it.
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16-05-2016, 06:30 AM
RE: Relationship bullshit
(15-05-2016 10:46 PM)Holle03 Wrote:  . I've done worse Cool Ok my self comforting gallows humor aside I'm being completely serious, like I'm trying to weigh the cons and pros of faking well essentially part of my identity as my (lack of) belief in god is fundamental to me. I'm a emotional blob right now Weeping

So you basically want to go into the marriage built on a deliberate lie, in regards to something he sees as important? How long where you gonna keep it up? Wait up to ten years, than confess the whole thing? Or just act catholic for the rest of your life?

"Tell me, muse, of the storyteller who has been thrust to the edge of the world, both an infant and an ancient, and through him reveal everyman." ---Homer the aged poet.

"In Him was life, and the life was the Light of men. The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it."
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