Relationship issues
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15-02-2011, 07:59 AM
Relationship issues
Hello. I would like to get in touch with someone who have had relationship issues over religion.

I am a 38 year old norwegian female, raised an atheist and has never had any problem with it myself. I thought the love of my life (we've been together 6 years) was also an atheist, or at least an agnostic, but surprise surprise... last november he found God and eventually got baptised. I was so shocked that it took me weeks to really understand what was going on.

I am still wondering who he really is, clearly I don't know him at all. We are trying to work things out, but I sort of lost some of my respect for the man I have always considered extremely intelligent and curious about everything. He is a talented artist with a great sence of humor. The blasphemic humor we once shared is gone now, though. How can somebody this bright do such a thing?

In my opinion, organized religion is problematic in so many ways, and I worry a lot about how this is going to influence our lives in the long run. I really love this man, or at least the image I had of him before this happened. I need advice and comfort!

"Never underestimate how narrow-minded, petty and stupid people can be". Mark Fulton, forum member
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15-02-2011, 11:36 AM
RE: Relationship issues
Well, firstly, welcome to the forums!

Secondly, that's harsh Sad I can see how you're going through some turbulent waters at the moment in regards to your relationship however I don't think you should be too hasty in passing judgment, after all you'd be no better than the Catholic church if you cast people out that quickly! (Zing! Big Grin)

I think you should stick around for a while. I know your image of him may be shaken up but who knows, maybe after things settle he'll be more similar than you think right now. If he happens to start forcing his beliefs down your throat or berating your atheism or actually being a jerk about things then I'd consider splitting but for now it doesn't sound like he's really done anything wrong. As opposed as I am to religion I don't believe we should just write people off if they are or become believers, hell some of my best friends are believers. I think it all depends on how they act about it.

Anyhow, that's my thought on the situation. So long as he's a cool guy what do his beliefs matter? Of course if they do become a real obstacle then that's a whole different issue.

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15-02-2011, 12:04 PM
RE: Relationship issues
Thanks, Green! That was exactly what I needed to hear right now! Smile

"Never underestimate how narrow-minded, petty and stupid people can be". Mark Fulton, forum member
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15-02-2011, 02:53 PM
RE: Relationship issues
I can't offer advice on relationships but I can offer some explanation on these rapid conversions.
Someone on the forum already posted this in a thread , but look up:
Derren Brown "instant conversion"
I think it should explain some faith mechanism and how and why it works so well.

Atheism is a religion like OFF is a TV channel !!!

Proud of my genetic relatives Big Grin
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15-02-2011, 03:12 PM
RE: Relationship issues
(15-02-2011 07:59 AM)Cubic Bubbles Wrote:  Hello. I would like to get in touch with someone who have had relationship issues over religion.

I am a 38 year old norwegian female, raised an atheist and has never had any problem with it myself. I thought the love of my life (we've been together 6 years) was also an atheist, or at least an agnostic, but surprise surprise... last november he found God and eventually got baptised. I was so shocked that it took me weeks to really understand what was going on.

I am still wondering who he really is, clearly I don't know him at all. We are trying to work things out, but I sort of lost some of my respect for the man I have always considered extremely intelligent and curious about everything. He is a talented artist with a great sence of humor. The blasphemic humor we once shared is gone now, though. How can somebody this bright do such a thing?

In my opinion, organized religion is problematic in so many ways, and I worry a lot about how this is going to influence our lives in the long run. I really love this man, or at least the image I had of him before this happened. I need advice and comfort!
Welcome! I had only dated theist women until I found my current gal in 2006. I learned that every person's faith is different. It didn't get in the way with my first girlfriend, but it was a huge point of contention with my ex. She was constantly trying to convert me, and we regularly fought about religion amongst other things. I'll tell you this: Hang in there a bit like Green said. If the two of you really have something going, than a silly thing like this won't stop your happiness.

Something something something Dark Side
Something something something complete
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15-02-2011, 09:09 PM
RE: Relationship issues
Make sure that HE still loves you and don't him or you try to convert each other. Things will go bad. I'm married a creationist. My wife and I get into debates and I think my wife is still crazy that she skips logic for faith. You just have to accept who he is and hopefully he turns back, but believing in a fictional sky god works for him so be it. Just don't let him try to convert you.

[Image: buddhasig.png]
“Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.” ~ Gautama Buddha
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16-02-2011, 01:36 AM
RE: Relationship issues
(15-02-2011 02:53 PM)gaglamesh731 Wrote:  Derren Brown "instant conversion"
This one

Observer

Agnostic atheist
Secular humanist
Emotional rationalist
Disclaimer: Don’t mix the personal opinion above with the absolute and objective truth. Remember to think for yourself. Thank you.
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16-02-2011, 07:55 AM
RE: Relationship issues
I've had plenty of relationships ruined by belief, it really has to do with how often it comes up and in what context. As an atheist you should not have that much trouble in keeping god out of discussions (unless you really love discussing religion), and since he's known you before this conversion he should know your stance. There are people who gain a faith for themselves and accept that it is for themselves. You should be glad that the common joy you two lost was over something as normally arbitrary as religion rather than something you two share which has more relevance.

I'm not a non believer, I believe in the possibility of anything. I just don't let the actuality of something be determined by a 3rd party.
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17-02-2011, 12:40 AM
RE: Relationship issues
We all can give you insights as to how we handled our situations. Some of these ideas may helpful to you. Your situation, however, is not a perfect match to any of our situations so in the end you are the best judge for what is right for you. The bottom line is "Is this relationship still right for you?"

When I find myself in times of trouble, Richard Dawkins comes to me, speaking words of reason, now I see, now I see.
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17-02-2011, 08:42 AM
RE: Relationship issues
Here in rural America where I live it's hard to find somebody who DOESN'T have theistic belief. Coming, as you do, from a more secular region of the world, I kind of envy you that you have the option of finding somebody who shares your religious ideology.

But the bottom line is, religious faith is only one part of the makeup of a person. I, personally, can be with a theist but not with a die-hard Republican. I can be with someone who believes in ghosts, but not someone who believes in holistic medicine. I can be with someone who trusts in angels, but not someone who is a racist. What I'm saying is - we all have our deal breakers. We have a right to those deal breakers. No two people are ever going to agree on all issues. The question is, which issues do you - personally - need for your significant other to agree with you about, and which can you consider simply la differance?
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