Religion and Sexual Oppression
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27-10-2014, 06:32 AM
Religion and Sexual Oppression
I just read this beautifully written article, and I figured a lot of people here could relate: http://www.xojane.com/sex/true-love-wait...m=facebook

I could really relate with her story as far as feeling guilty and her virginity defining her throughout her teen years. I was a Christian when I got married almost 2 years ago, and we tried to wait but we failed. And I'm glad we did! I don't regret it at all. The only thing I regret is caring what all my Christian friends and family thought. We had to sneak around so much. Even as a Christian, I eventually didn't feel guilty about the sex, I just felt guilty about lying and pretending to be "pure."

I was 20 years old when I lost my virginity. I was still living with my parents at the time, and they would harass me to tell them if I was having sex. I lied and told them I wasn't. One day, I started yelling and crying hysterically at them for something else that didn't have anything to do with sex. Yeah, well that little outburst of mine only convinced them that I was just really guilty about having sex. Lol Rolleyes

I'm 23 now. I'll admit, I'm still bitter that they would harass me so much about something so personal, especially since I was an adult. The reason I'm so bitter still is because while they're trying to get me to confess my sin, my 16 year old little sister is pregnant and we would soon find out she had been having sex since she was 14! Facepalm

Anyway, I'm glad to be an atheist and I don't have to pretend to be anything I'm not.

"Most people are other people.
Their thoughts are someone else's opinions,
their lives a mimicry,
their passions a quotation."
-Oscar Wilde
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27-10-2014, 07:25 AM
RE: Religion and Sexual Oppression
(27-10-2014 06:32 AM)LadyWallFlower Wrote:  I just read this beautifully written article, and I figured a lot of people here could relate: http://www.xojane.com/sex/true-love-wait...m=facebook

I hate those pledges that some churches have girls make. It's unrealistic to expect them to be able to hold to them, it adds immeasurable guilt to many girls that are doomed to "fail", and to top it off, many of them have creepy, creepy ceremonies where the girl and their dad get dressed up for the pledge. I hate that.

I see these things as the church realizing just how many people have premarital sex. The winning play here is to stop worrying about it and to educate kids, not to shame them and lie about things. For at least the last seventy years, only 10% of people wait to be married before having sex. The religious right lost this one back when my grandparents were kids, and they're still slut shaming like it's the 1600s.


(27-10-2014 06:32 AM)LadyWallFlower Wrote:  I was 20 years old when I lost my virginity. I was still living with my parents at the time, and they would harass me to tell them if I was having sex. I lied and told them I wasn't. One day, I started yelling and crying hysterically at them for something else that didn't have anything to do with sex. Yeah, well that little outburst of mine only convinced them that I was just really guilty about having sex. Lol Rolleyes

Ugh, that's super annoying. I'd want to tell them to stop changing the subject and to stop worrying about my genitals. That is one nice thing about growing up a guy compared to a girl: while I still got the spiel about waiting to have sex, no one cared about it the way they do when their daughters have sex. The Abrahamic religions all have a very weird virgin fetish built in, and it's been carried along for the last 2,700 years.
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27-10-2014, 07:38 AM
RE: Religion and Sexual Oppression
(27-10-2014 07:25 AM)RobbyPants Wrote:  and to top it off, many of them have creepy, creepy ceremonies where the girl and their dad get dressed up for the pledge. I hate that.

I HATE THAT TOO.

"Most people are other people.
Their thoughts are someone else's opinions,
their lives a mimicry,
their passions a quotation."
-Oscar Wilde
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27-10-2014, 07:40 AM
RE: Religion and Sexual Oppression
(27-10-2014 06:32 AM)LadyWallFlower Wrote:  I just read this beautifully written article, and I figured a lot of people here could relate: http://www.xojane.com/sex/true-love-wait...m=facebook

I could really relate with her story as far as feeling guilty and her virginity defining her throughout her teen years. I was a Christian when I got married almost 2 years ago, and we tried to wait but we failed. And I'm glad we did! I don't regret it at all. The only thing I regret is caring what all my Christian friends and family thought. We had to sneak around so much. Even as a Christian, I eventually didn't feel guilty about the sex, I just felt guilty about lying and pretending to be "pure."

I was 20 years old when I lost my virginity. I was still living with my parents at the time, and they would harass me to tell them if I was having sex. I lied and told them I wasn't. One day, I started yelling and crying hysterically at them for something else that didn't have anything to do with sex. Yeah, well that little outburst of mine only convinced them that I was just really guilty about having sex. Lol Rolleyes

I'm 23 now. I'll admit, I'm still bitter that they would harass me so much about something so personal, especially since I was an adult. The reason I'm so bitter still is because while they're trying to get me to confess my sin, my 16 year old little sister is pregnant and we would soon find out she had been having sex since she was 14! Facepalm

Anyway, I'm glad to be an atheist and I don't have to pretend to be anything I'm not.

Condemning people for following their natural urges and labeling it sin is another pernicious method of controlling people that religion propagates. They make you feel guilty about a non-issue, then provide the solution for those guilty feelings- Jeebus and repentance.

Every time they set up this guilt-repentance cycle, it alienates people. It's one of the reasons they're slowly driving themselves to irrelevance.

Gods derive their power from post-hoc rationalizations. -The Inquisition

Using the supernatural to explain events in your life is a failure of the intellect to comprehend the world around you. -The Inquisition
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27-10-2014, 07:40 AM
RE: Religion and Sexual Oppression
I am one of those 7-month **miracle** babies. LOL It's been going on for a looooooooong time.

We have enough youth. How about looking for the Fountain of Smart?
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27-10-2014, 08:15 AM (This post was last modified: 27-10-2014 08:20 AM by LadyWallFlower.)
RE: Religion and Sexual Oppression
(27-10-2014 07:40 AM)TheInquisition Wrote:  
(27-10-2014 06:32 AM)LadyWallFlower Wrote:  

Condemning people for following their natural urges and labeling it sin is another pernicious method of controlling people that religion propagates. They make you feel guilty about a non-issue, then provide the solution for those guilty feelings- Jeebus and repentance.

Every time they set up this guilt-repentance cycle, it alienates people. It's one of the reasons they're slowly driving themselves to irrelevance.

Exactly. I briefly dated this guy right before I started dating my now-husband. This guy was 21 years old and we had to date in secret because his church had a rule that you're not allowed to date until your married. Yes, you read that right. This guy couldn't tell his parents about me and didn't even tell his best friend.

This church is also a private school. So, the scary part of this rule is that they are actually just promoting secret keeping with students. Obviously these teens are gonna date each other, and because of that stupid rule, the students can't go to adults when they have a problem regarding relationships and sex because they're scared to get in trouble!

My sister played basketball for the schools team, and according to her, sex is very prevalent there.

"Most people are other people.
Their thoughts are someone else's opinions,
their lives a mimicry,
their passions a quotation."
-Oscar Wilde
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27-10-2014, 05:54 PM
RE: Religion and Sexual Oppression
Saving yourself reminds me of these.






Personal sob story incoming lol.
At least some people GET to make the choice.Unfortunately, I never and still do not have the choice but to be a virgin. When I was a child, I had such low self esteem and refusal to grow up, that I never really figured out deodorant until like 18.

I was picked on and tormented by bullies as a child that almost no one wanted to be my friend.

Even though I have a little more confidence and I don't have hygene issues as I did as a kid. No one wants anything to do with me. My rejection rate has been 100% and the last time I even had the opportunity to kiss a girl was like 9 years ago. Last hug I remember getting from a girl that was not family was two years ago.

Online dating sites have failed me, No one will even respond to any messages no matter how I word them, how my profile looks ( and I based my profiles on many pro tips that successful people with the sites have given ), or just waiting around for someone to contact me.

That harmony or whatever site failed me. I went through a test to see who I am compatible with from all the "Millions" of female members and It came back with "There is no one out there for you, give up and live your life by yourself and die alone with no family or friends" message and it booted me from the website.

...ok, it wasn't THAT harsh...but at the time...it sure felt that way.


My Youtube channel if anyone is interested.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCEkRdbq...rLEz-0jEHQ
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27-10-2014, 06:23 PM
RE: Religion and Sexual Oppression
(27-10-2014 05:54 PM)Shadow Fox Wrote:  Personal sob story incoming lol.

Lol? Brotherman, you are not in lol mode right now...

Quote:At least some people GET to make the choice.Unfortunately, I never and still do not have the choice but to be a virgin. When I was a child, I had such low self esteem and refusal to grow up, that I never really figured out deodorant until like 18.

I was picked on and tormented by bullies as a child that almost no one wanted to be my friend.

Even though I have a little more confidence and I don't have hygene issues as I did as a kid. No one wants anything to do with me. My rejection rate has been 100% and the last time I even had the opportunity to kiss a girl was like 9 years ago. Last hug I remember getting from a girl that was not family was two years ago.

Online dating sites have failed me, No one will even respond to any messages no matter how I word them, how my profile looks ( and I based my profiles on many pro tips that successful people with the sites have given ), or just waiting around for someone to contact me.

That harmony or whatever site failed me. I went through a test to see who I am compatible with from all the "Millions" of female members and It came back with "There is no one out there for you, give up and live your life by yourself and die alone with no family or friends" message and it booted me from the website.

...ok, it wasn't THAT harsh...but at the time...it sure felt that way.

How many girls do you talk to as friends? How many girls do you hang out with? Inexperience may make you act in a way that people find creepy, even though you would not intend it. I don't know your situation, but if you aren't that comfortable talking to girls your first thing you need to do is learn to do it, and for that you just need to hang out without the pressure of wanting to date.

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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27-10-2014, 06:44 PM
RE: Religion and Sexual Oppression
The demand to remain a virgin until marriage is just not realistic. The average person lives 10-20 years being sexually mature before getting married. If we taught teens facts about sex, how to protect yourself, and how to know when it's right for you instead of "just don't do it" we'd save so many people from teen pregnancy, and future sexual dysfunction. The religious right's motto may as well be "sex is dirty, and a sin. Save it for someone you love" Dodgy

To shadow fox, I'm sorry you're going through this Undecided morondog had some good advice though. The best way to build confidence is to randomly talk to women you see out an about. In line at the grocery store: "oh wow we got the same cereal, I love this stuff!" Or "those grapes look really good, I have to remember to get those next time, what are they called?" These quick convos may not lead to anything, but it's practice. Do it every time you see an opportunity. Practice will build confidence. Plus if you are able to strike up one of these conversations, and she's smiling and participating (not just doing the "oh yeah... Me too.." Stuff), it's a perfect opportunity to ask for a date. Big Grin

I hope that the world turns, and things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you. - V for Vendetta
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27-10-2014, 06:44 PM
RE: Religion and Sexual Oppression
(27-10-2014 06:23 PM)morondog Wrote:  
(27-10-2014 05:54 PM)Shadow Fox Wrote:  Personal sob story incoming lol.

Lol? Brotherman, you are not in lol mode right now...

Quote:At least some people GET to make the choice.Unfortunately, I never and still do not have the choice but to be a virgin. When I was a child, I had such low self esteem and refusal to grow up, that I never really figured out deodorant until like 18.

I was picked on and tormented by bullies as a child that almost no one wanted to be my friend.

Even though I have a little more confidence and I don't have hygene issues as I did as a kid. No one wants anything to do with me. My rejection rate has been 100% and the last time I even had the opportunity to kiss a girl was like 9 years ago. Last hug I remember getting from a girl that was not family was two years ago.

Online dating sites have failed me, No one will even respond to any messages no matter how I word them, how my profile looks ( and I based my profiles on many pro tips that successful people with the sites have given ), or just waiting around for someone to contact me.

That harmony or whatever site failed me. I went through a test to see who I am compatible with from all the "Millions" of female members and It came back with "There is no one out there for you, give up and live your life by yourself and die alone with no family or friends" message and it booted me from the website.

...ok, it wasn't THAT harsh...but at the time...it sure felt that way.

How many girls do you talk to as friends? How many girls do you hang out with? Inexperience may make you act in a way that people find creepy, even though you would not intend it. I don't know your situation, but if you aren't that comfortable talking to girls your first thing you need to do is learn to do it, and for that you just need to hang out without the pressure of wanting to date.

1. Meh, we cannot be in a lol mood all the time. I usually have fits of meh every once in a while. A few more minutes and it will pass.

2.Girls? ...hang with? ... Zero, ziltch, nada, El Nothing.

Please do not call me creepy. That title has been following me around for the last 10 years or so. I have literally seen females, children walk to the other side of the street when they see me and I never did nothing. I never look at them or whatever..so there is no creepy pedo or rapist looks going their way because I am not even really looking at them. People stare at me in shopping malls. I wear black and sometimes I wear a long coat, but I am nothing compared to the people with 2ft color spikey hair or metal bits coming out of every orifice of their body with tons of tattoos and metal junk all over their shits and pants, and people like that never get weird stares because its normal these days.

Another real problem is that I do not make friends very easily. I have almost nothing in common with most people and holding a conversation is the hardest thing ever for me. I am too quiet and whatnot lol.

The biggest problem of all is I do not know a single one and none of my friends do either. My roommates are worst recluses than I am and they only hang out with the 4 other people who come here once a week for dungeons and dragons or some other role playing game. Other than that, they only communicate with each other via some online game they are playing on their computer 20 feet from each other, locked in their rooms until they both decide to go make instant ramen that they live off of ( because I am literally the only person who has ever cooked a meal in this house...ever...period. ) and then they talk for half an hour face to face and then go back to locked up in their rooms.

Literally, I am the only one who walks around the house and my junk takes up 99.99% of the garage ( its my man den for painting miniatures or doing other stuff.) the game room is filled with 95% my furniture, pro framed wall paintings, chairs, T.V, game consoles etc. abut 50% of the cooking utensils are mine and 100% of the cooking gadgets are mine.

It's sad, as pathetic as I am, I am by far the most social of the people in this house and the second most social person out of every friend I have.


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https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCEkRdbq...rLEz-0jEHQ
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