Religion or Happiness?
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16-04-2012, 09:05 AM
Religion or Happiness?
For those of you that are not aware of who I am, this thread may teach you a little more than you think.

I was brought up in the Baptist church ever since I can remember, but I haven't actually fully grasped the concept of Christianity, so I consider myself a "fence-walker"; not Christian, but also not Atheist. Now, my parents think that I am a Christian through-and-through because I don't have the nerves to tell them the truth, until I am able to move out.
Recently I came out about having feelings for this girl that I was/still am crazy about, Lindsay.

Me and Lindsay went through some struggles recently because of some mistakes that were made. I know that she may still "love" me, but I know that she will never look at me the same, nor will she ever be able to trust me again. We talked for about three weeks about the mistake that I had made and suprisingly, she said that she would give me another chance when I thought that I was ready to get rid of someone else altogether. Me loving her the way that I do, I cut the other person out of my life completely. Though I did all of this, my parents thought that she would be stupid to get back with me and they wouldn't allow it.

On Saturday, she came to my birthday "party" and I asked her if she was ready to get back into a relationship with me, because I was. She said yes and the rest of the day was absolutely perfect.

Sunday morning, my father woke me up to go to church, (this was after I had gone ice skating for 6 hours and could hardly walk from all of the pain). I told myself that I wasn't going to fight with him because I was in so much pain, so I went. After church I went to the rehabilitation center that my grandfather is currently in, to visit him. Later that night I went back to church for a youth event, but things didn't get bad until I got home.

After night church, I walked in through the door and they asked me how everything was, but that's when my dad noticed that I had a ring, that Lindsay had given me, on. "Why are you wearing that?!" I fessed up and told my dad that we had gotten back together. "Sit your ass down and let me ask you something." Doing as he asked, I sat down. "Do you not see anything wrong with you two being together? Do you not have a problem sinning day in and day out. Sarah, you're "relationship" is built on lies. You're only with her because you can't be with anyone else. You're with her because she has a car, spoils you, and knows what a girl wants because she is one. Are you even attracted to her?!" I replied very respectfully with: "I don't see anything wrong with loving a person no matter their gender. A look at a person for who they are, not what sex they are. I know that it's wrong to be with her, but I can't help who I want to be with. I'm attracted to her, yes." All he did was stare at me blankly and laugh at me. "You're attracted to her because she looks like a BOY. Not because she's a girl. Have you actually even been attracted to a girl who looks like a girl?" What my Dad does not know is that I have been attracted to my best friend for 3 years now, most people on here know "Ferdinand", right? So yes, I have been attracted to a female who looks like a female. "If you decide to stay with Lindsay, then you're going to eventually lose everyone who actually loves you. Your family. You're both teenagers, you don't know what love is. So what do you choose? Religion or Lindsay?" All I simply said was: "I'm going to bed."

They're always telling me that if I'm not happy to go and live with my mother, and I'm to that breaking point.
I think what I'm going to do is see if I can stay with my mother all of the summer, except for the one week of church summer camp (since my parents have already paid). Maybe I'll stay up there permanently, who knows.

I don't know what to do.

Either I can tell them where I lie religiously and have them force me to go to church even more, in hopes to "cure" me and have them also hate me...
OR
I can leave the one I love, and possibly never want to date again.

The decision may sound simple, but for me, it isn't.

"You don't disappoint me.... I think your much braver than you may believe."
bemore

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16-04-2012, 09:16 AM
RE: Religion or Happiness?
You say that a decision may sound simple. To me it appears that a decision would be anything but simple.
Although, not escaping such an oppressive situation may harm you in the long run.

I can't imagine what it is like for you, so I can't really comment much about it. All I can really do is sympathise and hope you make a decision that will help you long term.

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16-04-2012, 09:21 AM
RE: Religion or Happiness?
If you think there is an easy decision, what is it and what stops you from taking it?

What happens if you don't follow your dad's suggestion and you stay with your GF?

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
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16-04-2012, 09:29 AM
RE: Religion or Happiness?
(16-04-2012 09:21 AM)Erxomai Wrote:  If you think there is an easy decision, what is it and what stops you from taking it?

What happens if you don't follow your dad's suggestion and you stay with your GF?


I'll lose my family. ..

"You don't disappoint me.... I think your much braver than you may believe."
bemore

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16-04-2012, 09:47 AM
RE: Religion or Happiness?
(16-04-2012 09:29 AM)xLegendofLink096x Wrote:  
(16-04-2012 09:21 AM)Erxomai Wrote:  If you think there is an easy decision, what is it and what stops you from taking it?

What happens if you don't follow your dad's suggestion and you stay with your GF?


I'll lose my family. ..
You're in a tough place. Sadly, no one can tell you what to do. Your heart is going to break no matter what decision you make.

As you consider your feelings, think about how certain are you that you will always love Lindsay? And how certain are you that your family would really and forever disown you? A lot Christian families will make that initial threat, but few carry through with it if they really are a loving family. You might check out the video "For The Bible Tells Me So." It's about gay children of conservative Christian parents and what happens when they come out. It's tough going, but almost all of of the parents can't stop loving their children.

You also ought to check out the "It Gets Better" campaign. The folks there can probably relate to you better than many of us old farts.
http://www.itgetsbetter.org/

The only piece of advice I have is don't make decisions based purely on emotion. Try to think about what's behind your emotions. And hang in there, Sarah. Don't let this be an incident that triggers destructive behaviors. Maybe find a trusted school counselor or teacher to vent to in person.

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
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16-04-2012, 10:24 AM
RE: Religion or Happiness?
This is a difficult situation.

It sounds to me (from what you've written), that you're actually a Christian. So, I'm going to give you advice from a Christian perspective on how to handle your situation as well as handling your parents.

Your father sees homosexuality as a choice and an objective sin.

As a Christian you are to honor your parents and their wishes and requests for you.

Ephesians 6:1-3
1Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise), 3SO THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH YOU, AND THAT YOU MAY LIVE LONG ON THE EARTH.


Normally, this is where the discussion ends; however, it is important that you discuss this topic with your mother and father. You need to have them understand you and have them understand that this isn't a choice and homosexuality is a sin of subjectivity.

Most parents stop reading the aforementioned verses at verse 3, but let's take a look at what verse 4 says:

Ephesians 6:4
4Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.


Fathers (specificially) are COMMANDED to not provoke their children to anger. Instead, they are supposed to teach and instruct. So, what does the Bible want us (fathers) to teach and instruct our children?

First it is important to understand that God made each of us exactly as we are:

Isaiah 64:8
8 But now, O LORD, You are our Father,
We are the clay, and You our potter;
And all of us are the work of Your hand.

Ephesians 10:2
10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.


Likewise, God created all - good and evil:

Isaiah 45:7
Forming light, and preparing darkness, Making peace, and preparing evil, I am Jehovah, doing all these things.'


Now, your father must realize that he is commanded to instruct you in the way of the LORD - not in his way.

Romans 2:1-5
1 Therefore you have no excuse, everyone of you who passes judgment, for in that which you judge another, you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things. 2 And we know that the judgment of God rightly falls upon those who practice such things. 3 But do you suppose this, O man, when you pass judgment on those who practice such things and do the same yourself, that you will escape the judgment of God? 4 Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance? 5 But because of your stubbornness and unrepentant heart you are storing up wrath for yourself in the day of wrath and revelation of the righteous judgment of God, 6 who WILL RENDER TO EACH PERSON ACCORDING TO HIS DEEDS:


Paul is telling us that it is not for any man to judge. God judges and condemns according to each person's individual deeds. Personal convictions vary; as such, so do certain sins.

Romans 14 addresses subjective sin:

1 Now accept the one who is weak in faith, but not for the purpose of passing judgment on his opinions. 2 One person has faith that he may eat all things, but he who is weak eats vegetables only. 3 The one who eats is not to regard with contempt the one who does not eat, and the one who does not eat is not to judge the one who eats, for God has accepted him. 4 Who are you to judge the [a]servant of another? To his own [b]master he stands or falls; and he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.

5 One person [c]regards one day above another, another regards every day alike. Each person must be fully convinced in his own mind. 6 He who observes the day, observes it for the Lord, and he who eats, [d]does so for the Lord, for he gives thanks to God; and he who eats not, for the Lord he does not eat, and gives thanks to God. 7 For not one of us lives for himself, and not one dies for himself; 8 for if we live, we live for the Lord, or if we die, we die for the Lord; therefore whether we live or die, we are the Lord’s. 9 For to this end Christ died and lived again, that He might be Lord both of the dead and of the living.

10 But you, why do you judge your brother? Or you again, why do you regard your brother with contempt? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God. 11 For it is written,

“AS I LIVE, SAYS THE LORD, EVERY KNEE SHALL BOW TO ME,
AND EVERY TONGUE SHALL [e]GIVE PRAISE TO GOD.”

12 So then each one of us will give an account of himself to God.

13 Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather determine this—not to put an obstacle or a stumbling block in a brother’s way. 14 I know and am convinced [f]in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself; but to him who thinks anything to be unclean, to him it is unclean. 15 For if because of food your brother is hurt, you are no longer walking according to love. Do not destroy with your food him for whom Christ died. 16 Therefore do not let what is for you a good thing be [g]spoken of as evil; 17 for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. 18 For he who in this way serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men. 19 So then [h]we pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another. 20 Do not tear down the work of God for the sake of food. All things indeed are clean, but they are evil for the man who eats and gives offense. 21 It is good not to eat meat or to drink wine, or to do anything by which your brother stumbles. 22 The faith which you have, have [j]as your own conviction before God. Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves. 23 But he who doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith; and whatever is not from faith is sin.


What this is essentially saying is that you are to not judge others for sin because you are not the convictor. God convicts. Look at verse 23. "Whatever is not from faith is sin." But, this is dependent on the person, and God will reveal to each person what is a sin what isn't.

Explain to your father that God created you this way. Explain to him that you want to honor him. Explain to him that you are using the instruction in the Bible to grow your relationship with God and have Him reveal to you what He wants from you. Explain to your father that God has not convicted you over homosexuality. Since God has not convicted you, it is not your father's place to convict you. Let him know that it would mean the world to you if you could honor him, but it is important for him to know that he should not provoke you to anger; moreover, it is up to God, and only God, to convict you of sin.

Let your father know that this is your issue between you and God. It is not between you, your father, and God. Ask for his unconditional support and love and prayers. Remind him of Jeremiah 29:11 - 11 For I know the plans that I [a]have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.

Let him know that you know God has a plan for you. And, He will reveal that to you in time.[/b]

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16-04-2012, 10:25 AM
RE: Religion or Happiness?
(16-04-2012 09:47 AM)Erxomai Wrote:  The only piece of advice I have is don't make decisions based purely on emotion. Try to think about what's behind your emotions. And hang in there, Sarah. Don't let this be an incident that triggers destructive behaviors. Maybe find a trusted school counselor or teacher to vent to in person.
that's a good advise.
Is difficult I know, but try to understand your father, he's worried for you, but just can't see that he's also hurting you, in any case the important thing is what you want.
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16-04-2012, 11:15 AM
RE: Religion or Happiness?
Well, there is no simple way out.

If you choose parents, you will loose the person you like and you risk the same situation repeating again, eventually.
If you choose the person you like, the benefits are obvious, but you may, figuratively speaking, loose your family, at least for some time. You know them best, only you can tell how serious they would get. But then again, suffering for an eternity you don't believe in, no matter who says you should, seems to be the bigger evil to me.

The third opinion is to lie - but that really depends on you, your character and the envirimoment you live in.
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16-04-2012, 02:44 PM
RE: Religion or Happiness?
I'm going to be blunt.

Don't let anyone else be it your Dad, God or Otherwise tell you who you are to be attracted to or not.

You are who you are and there is no shame in that. If it's not safe to be who you are in your current situation then as painful as it is you need to change your situation so you are safe. That includes being safe from persecution and demands of "pick one".

Your father has already shown a large amount of unreason and hostility by trying to force you to choose between two extremes. I agree with King that you should make an effort to get your father to realize hat your not some evil or anti-christian person by being who you are but first and foremost please make sure your safe.

Your safety should always come first and not at the expense of losing who you are.
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16-04-2012, 03:40 PM
RE: Religion or Happiness?
My advice is to play for time.

It sounds like you lose whatever you choose at this point so I think the best option would be to stall for all you're worth until you reach a point where there isn't so much at stake.

Best and worst of Ferdinand .....
Best
Ferdinand: We don't really say 'theist' in Alabama. Here, you're either a Christian, or you're from Afghanistan and we fucking hate you.
Worst
Ferdinand: Everyone from British is so, like, fucking retarded.
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