Religious family over stepping
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08-03-2012, 03:21 PM
Religious family over stepping
After growing up in a devoutly religious family and being heavily indoctrinated in Christianity I want my children to be able to make their own choice. I'm finding though that my relatives are pushing their own beliefs.

One night, my 5 yr old started telling me about Jesus loving her and how when she does bad things it makes him sad and that she has to pray to say sorry to him. She is a very advanced reader soon after this little bed time revelation she started reading a children's bible that was a gift from a family member.

I'm upset because I don't want her thinking there's some imaginary being is watching her or that she owes this being anything much less an apology. I was so scared of hell and demons when I was growing up. I don't want my kids to think that anything like that is even remotely real.

I feel like the whole Jesus topic is not even age appropriate for her. I wouldn't let her watch a show as scary and violent as the jesus story so why if it's someone religion is it appropriate?

I feel like I'm being forced to bias her because other people can't mind their own business and have to push their beliefs on my child. It's so overbearing to teach my child something they know I don't believe. It's ridiculous.

I don't know if I should take the bible away and just shelter her from it or if that would just be like what my parents did to me. So far I've been countering this by reading through the children's bible with her and discussing the stories. Pointing out obvious things like in the creation story when god separated the light from the darkness two days before he made the sun. I asked her where she thought the light came from before there was sun or stars.

I don't know how to approach my mother about this. It may not have been her to talk to her but either way she slips things into conversation all of the time and it really bothers me. I need to tell talk to her about it soon. Religion has always been a touchy subject between us and though I value our relationship it's very fragile. I don't want to jeopardize it because I've spent so long trying to rebuild it.
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08-03-2012, 03:23 PM
RE: Religious family over stepping
(08-03-2012 03:11 PM)germanyt Wrote:  Wrong section.


She's five and you are grown. Take the bible away until she's old enough to understand discussions about it and tell your family to fuck the fuck off. That's what I do. My step mom got my 1 year old a stuffed angel that prays (now I lay me down to sleep, etc). I threw that shit in the trash when I got home.



(08-03-2012 03:19 PM)germanyt Wrote:  
(08-03-2012 03:15 PM)JLMomma Wrote:  Sorry

No biggie. A mod will probably move it to the Casual Coffeehouse or Atheism and Theism.

But srsly. Don't just allow your family to brainwash your daughter. I've found the best way to get them to stop trying is to be very confrontational and disagreeable on the subject. If grandma gives her a bible knowing full well that you don't want your daughter to have it then burn it on her driveway (srs). If she has no clue whether you care then just hand it back to her and say 'thanks but no thanks'.

To me this is a big enough issue that I would completely disown my entire family to protect my daughter from religion/belief.

“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect.”

-Mark Twain
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08-03-2012, 03:32 PM
RE: Religious family over stepping
(08-03-2012 03:23 PM)germanyt Wrote:  
(08-03-2012 03:11 PM)germanyt Wrote:  Wrong section.


She's five and you are grown. Take the bible away until she's old enough to understand discussions about it and tell your family to fuck the fuck off. That's what I do. My step mom got my 1 year old a stuffed angel that prays (now I lay me down to sleep, etc). I threw that shit in the trash when I got home.



(08-03-2012 03:19 PM)germanyt Wrote:  
(08-03-2012 03:15 PM)JLMomma Wrote:  Sorry

No biggie. A mod will probably move it to the Casual Coffeehouse or Atheism and Theism.

But srsly. Don't just allow your family to brainwash your daughter. I've found the best way to get them to stop trying is to be very confrontational and disagreeable on the subject. If grandma gives her a bible knowing full well that you don't want your daughter to have it then burn it on her driveway (srs). If she has no clue whether you care then just hand it back to her and say 'thanks but no thanks'.

To me this is a big enough issue that I would completely disown my entire family to protect my daughter from religion/belief.

They know that I don't believe and they know that it's an issue with me. I think she is just trying to push it to a fight which I really don't want. I guess in regards to confronting them what it really comes down to is that I'm scared of losing my family over it.
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08-03-2012, 03:35 PM
RE: Religious family over stepping
(08-03-2012 03:32 PM)JLMomma Wrote:  
(08-03-2012 03:23 PM)germanyt Wrote:  
(08-03-2012 03:11 PM)germanyt Wrote:  Wrong section.


She's five and you are grown. Take the bible away until she's old enough to understand discussions about it and tell your family to fuck the fuck off. That's what I do. My step mom got my 1 year old a stuffed angel that prays (now I lay me down to sleep, etc). I threw that shit in the trash when I got home.



(08-03-2012 03:19 PM)germanyt Wrote:  
(08-03-2012 03:15 PM)JLMomma Wrote:  Sorry

No biggie. A mod will probably move it to the Casual Coffeehouse or Atheism and Theism.

But srsly. Don't just allow your family to brainwash your daughter. I've found the best way to get them to stop trying is to be very confrontational and disagreeable on the subject. If grandma gives her a bible knowing full well that you don't want your daughter to have it then burn it on her driveway (srs). If she has no clue whether you care then just hand it back to her and say 'thanks but no thanks'.

To me this is a big enough issue that I would completely disown my entire family to protect my daughter from religion/belief.

They know that I don't believe and they know that it's an issue with me. I think she is just trying to push it to a fight which I really don't want. I guess in regards to confronting them what it really comes down to is that I'm scared of losing my family over it.


Given the topic I'm not sure there are many options. If they'll allow you do disconnect yourself and your daughter from the rest of the family then perhaps it's for the best. If you threaten them with it though and they take you seriously then maybe they will back off. I may not be the best person to help though. I'm the kind of guy that would call my mom and ask her what the fuck she was thinking and tell her that if she ever pulled any shit like that again I'd make sure my daughter never knew who grandma was.

“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect.”

-Mark Twain
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09-03-2012, 01:58 AM
RE: Religious family over stepping
oh, I posted this in the other section, my bad Tongue
anyway, this is what I said:

I find your approach very good, we often consider children to be mentally impaired but that's just wrong, they might have a harder time to grasp abstract concepts but that doesn't mean they can't, actually some times they might be better as they're not biased by reality and thus have greater imagination to understand weird things.
So explaining her the contradictions in facts, moral rules, and philosophical teachings of religion could be a great way to introduce her to scientific thinking and abstract reasoning, who knows maybe you'll get to rise a little scientist Big Grin

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19-04-2012, 05:25 PM
RE: Religious family over stepping
I am in the exact same position you are except that my wife is also a christian which makes things even more complicated. While we were out eating dinner with my mother a few days ago my daughter started talking about how pretty it was outside today.....then my mother chimed in telling her it's because Jesus made it beautiful just for her. Now, my daughter is only three years old and this is a constant battle for me because my family members are always telling her stuff like this. I have gone over it with my wife about how I want our daughter to be able to choose herself, but because she talks about Jesus my family all tells me it sounds like she is making up her mind already. With all the outside influence pushing it down her throat I just try to explain it to her.....not a conversation I should even have to have with a toddler but as long as they keep trying to brainwash her I guess I'll have too.
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20-04-2012, 08:23 AM
RE: Religious family over stepping
I'm a recent deconvert with similar problems. I haven't come out to my mother as yet, which complicates things. My wife doesn't usually talk about her faith with our children, but both her grandmothers do. My daughter is 6 and regularly coming out with questions like "Have you decided whether you are going to heaven or hell, yet?"
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22-04-2012, 01:56 PM
RE: Religious family over stepping
(20-04-2012 08:23 AM)Hafnof Wrote:  I'm a recent deconvert with similar problems. I haven't come out to my mother as yet, which complicates things. My wife doesn't usually talk about her faith with our children, but both her grandmothers do. My daughter is 6 and regularly coming out with questions like "Have you decided whether you are going to heaven or hell, yet?"
I would probably blurt out something along the lines of, "Since neither of those places exist, I've decided to go to Disney World."

We have enough youth. How about looking for the Fountain of Smart?
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22-04-2012, 10:42 PM
RE: Religious family over stepping
I think I would not mind my kids becoming familiar with what other family members believe but I would mind them being pressured about it.

I suppose I would not prohibit such explorations from my child if there's a genuine interest there. I think I would make other books just as accesible or even more so like Dawkins 'The Magic of Reality: How We Know What’s Really True'



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