Religious storm building at home
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07-02-2014, 07:54 AM
Religious storm building at home
Well things are building at home. I suspect the "talk" is going to happen soon with my wife. I am terribly uncomfortable about this. The driver for this is actually comming from my two teenage daughters. The attend a catholic high school and constantly gripe about their religion classes.

Last night my wife and the older one got into it about a bible discussion. My daughter told my wife she though it was historically based, but not historically accurate in some places and metaphorical in others. That really upset my wife, who believes it is fairly accurate, but not necessarly literally correct. I got sucked in to the discusion and leaned to my daughters point of view, since that is actually how I feel. It did not end to bad, but I had to leave for band practice before we got to a resolution.

When I got home I found out my wife and the younger daughter got into over an assignment. The younger was given an assignment to creat five rules to be a better catholic. She was quite aggrivated. She told my wife "what if I don't want to be a better catholic, what if I want to be a better person". I was informed that did not go over well this morning when I was dropping the kids to school.

It's comming, I can feel it.

Just FYI, the kids go to the catholic school because it is the best school in town, by a lot. If there was a secular option I would take it.
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07-02-2014, 09:38 AM
RE: Religious storm building at home
Where are you in your beliefs? From your post it sounds like your wife is believing/practicing Catholic, your girls are going thru the motions and questioning things, but where do you fall?

If you are the cooler head in the family- I would have a private talk with your wife about the kids and their pushing back. Try to focus on the idea of each person having the right to express their thoughts, follow their own path. That you both want your children to be informed, do the research and it will lead to the right conclusions. Parenting isn't about brainwashing, its about teaching our children how to become kind, caring, educated, respectful adults (among other things). Calm you wife, get her to look at the big picture of parenting. These details that they are fighting over are they ways your kids are exploring for answers.

Then you and your wife need to discuss with your kids and remind them the importance of the school. That where you live-there aren't any other options- so while it may not be the perfect or ideal situation- they still have to play by the rules. I completely understand being trapped in with a school that you aren't happy with because the other options are even worse. They have to understand they have to make the best of it, but need to stay within the limits so they don't get kicked out. Maybe let them bounce the more controversial things off you-- since it gets your wife fired up--but it still allows them to freely discuss, vent, and bitch about what they don't agree with. They need an outlet for their frustrations that won't fire back at them.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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07-02-2014, 09:45 AM
RE: Religious storm building at home
Quote:Just FYI, the kids go to the catholic school because it is the best school in town, by a lot.


Doesn't sound that way.... unless you rate schools by indoctrination.

Atheism is NOT a Religion. It's A Personal Relationship With Reality!
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07-02-2014, 09:54 AM
RE: Religious storm building at home
(07-02-2014 09:45 AM)Minimalist Wrote:  
Quote:Just FYI, the kids go to the catholic school because it is the best school in town, by a lot.


Doesn't sound that way.... unless you rate schools by indoctrination.

I used the standard methods people use to compare schools, ACT scores, state test scores, number of availible classes, discilipline issues, etc, etc, etc
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07-02-2014, 10:06 AM
RE: Religious storm building at home
(07-02-2014 09:38 AM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  Where are you in your beliefs? From your post it sounds like your wife is believing/practicing Catholic, your girls are going thru the motions and questioning things, but where do you fall?

If you are the cooler head in the family- I would have a private talk with your wife about the kids and their pushing back. Try to focus on the idea of each person having the right to express their thoughts, follow their own path. That you both want your children to be informed, do the research and it will lead to the right conclusions. Parenting isn't about brainwashing, its about teaching our children how to become kind, caring, educated, respectful adults (among other things). Calm you wife, get her to look at the big picture of parenting. These details that they are fighting over are they ways your kids are exploring for answers.

Then you and your wife need to discuss with your kids and remind them the importance of the school. That where you live-there aren't any other options- so while it may not be the perfect or ideal situation- they still have to play by the rules. I completely understand being trapped in with a school that you aren't happy with because the other options are even worse. They have to understand they have to make the best of it, but need to stay within the limits so they don't get kicked out. Maybe let them bounce the more controversial things off you-- since it gets your wife fired up--but it still allows them to freely discuss, vent, and bitch about what they don't agree with. They need an outlet for their frustrations that won't fire back at them.

I am a recovering catholic that keeps his mouth closed to avoid family drama. I do not actively participe altho I will go to church with my wife from time to time if she really pushes. When I go I do not take part, but sit, stand, kneel so as not to embarass her. My wife is very catholic.

I am the coolest head in the family. So much so that both the school consouler and my kids Dr. Psy noticed the overall stress level drop when I am physically present and even more so when my wife is not around. My goal has allways been to raise my kids to be fully functioning adults. When I started I realized this may cause them to not agree with me on things, but that was ok with me. It is not OK with the wife. She wants them to be good little catholics since we raised them in the faith.

I have had the talk with my kids, more than once, that the private school is the best school in town and much much better than the one we are zoned to. They have been told to treat the religion class like a philospy class, they do not have to agree, but they do need to do their best work so as not to mess up their GPA since they are both A/B students. They have been told to keep the controversal stuff for me, but they get home before I get off work and they will vent to mom.
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07-02-2014, 10:12 AM
RE: Religious storm building at home
(07-02-2014 10:06 AM)wazzel Wrote:  They have been told to keep the controversal stuff for me, but they get home before I get off work and they will vent to mom.

sometimes to keep the peace, we 'pass the buck' because some topics just get some people irritated and others handle it calmly.

Maybe you wife needs a 'discuss that with your father' card and your kids know to just drop it.

we all have a hot button issues that get under our skin.

keep the peace-find a work around- make it fun and make one for her, laminate it and put it on a stickā€¦.add some hearts.

I could see my husband wanting one that says 'discuss that with your mother' card when we have the talk about periods, birth control and sex with my daughters. Big Grin


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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07-02-2014, 05:02 PM
RE: Religious storm building at home
(07-02-2014 07:54 AM)wazzel Wrote:  ...My daughter told my wife she though it was historically based, but not historically accurate in some places and metaphorical in others...
.. "what if I don't want to be a better catholic, what if I want to be a better person".

I don't have any advice, just wanted to say: you got a couple of really smart girls there Wink
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07-02-2014, 05:14 PM
RE: Religious storm building at home
(07-02-2014 09:54 AM)wazzel Wrote:  
(07-02-2014 09:45 AM)Minimalist Wrote:  Doesn't sound that way.... unless you rate schools by indoctrination.

I used the standard methods people use to compare schools, ACT scores, state test scores, number of availible classes, discilipline issues, etc, etc, etc

Sounds like a real Hobson's Choice.

Atheism is NOT a Religion. It's A Personal Relationship With Reality!
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13-02-2014, 02:26 PM
RE: Religious storm building at home
(07-02-2014 05:14 PM)Minimalist Wrote:  
(07-02-2014 09:54 AM)wazzel Wrote:  I used the standard methods people use to compare schools, ACT scores, state test scores, number of availible classes, discilipline issues, etc, etc, etc

Sounds like a real Hobson's Choice.

Not really. We could send them to the public school we are zoned to. It is actually OK for smart kids, lucky I have smart kids. We could have lived in a different part of town and sent the kids to the better public school, but wife did not want to live in the rural part of the parish (yes I am from Louisiana). We could home school, but that means I would have to home school them. So I would work all day and teach all night. We did and still do have options.
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13-02-2014, 03:02 PM
RE: Religious storm building at home
(13-02-2014 02:26 PM)wazzel Wrote:  
(07-02-2014 05:14 PM)Minimalist Wrote:  Sounds like a real Hobson's Choice.

Not really. We could send them to the public school we are zoned to. It is actually OK for smart kids, lucky I have smart kids. We could have lived in a different part of town and sent the kids to the better public school, but wife did not want to live in the rural part of the parish (yes I am from Louisiana). We could home school, but that means I would have to home school them. So I would work all day and teach all night. We did and still do have options.

Just curious; what parish do you live in? There aren't too many with decent public schools.
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