Religious storm building at home
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13-03-2014, 06:45 AM
RE: Religious storm building at home
Yes I do feel better and less stressed about it. Now it is not a bomb waiting to go off at some unknown time. It still has the potential to be messy, but not explosive.
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14-03-2014, 09:57 AM
RE: Religious storm building at home
I feel for you, Wazzel. I'm in a similar situation, although it doesn't seem nearly as serious as yours. I hope it works out for the best!
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15-03-2014, 03:45 PM
RE: Religious storm building at home
My father was a wise man when it came to religion and kids. There's a time to back off and allow them to come to their own conclusions and respect their choices.
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15-03-2014, 06:36 PM
RE: Religious storm building at home
Quote:My marriage situation is complicated.....

Marriage counseling? And not by some religious asshole.

Atheism is NOT a Religion. It's A Personal Relationship With Reality!
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15-03-2014, 10:46 PM
RE: Religious storm building at home
(15-03-2014 06:36 PM)Minimalist Wrote:  
Quote:My marriage situation is complicated.....

Marriage counseling? And not by some religious asshole.

Been there done that. Wife did not like the consoler so we stopped going.
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18-03-2014, 10:41 AM
RE: Religious storm building at home
I've said this frequently with alot of couples that have this problem.

It is a two way street. How can she consistently try to force you to conform to her belief's but then get pissed off when you simply voice yours?

This is a very common problem when dealing with religious types: My way or the highway.

My question would be: How long have you been married?

And: Were you Catholic when you were first married?

I understand that she may be upset at the change, but if you guys love each other then it should be easy to seperate the hot button topics. Get them out of the way, confront each other about it....then leave them alone. There is no reason to dwell on something like this for an extended amount of time.

I'd recommend a family meeting...Come out to the family with your beliefs and state "This is who I am, ask your questions now and solve your issues now, because after tonight we simply will not talk about religion" I did a similar thing with my family when I came out, and after the first week or two of passive aggressive comments, we were fine.

Best of luck, Hope this helps.

Shock And Awe Tactics-- The "application of massive or overwhelming force" to "disarm, incapacitate, or render the enemy impotent with as few casualties to ourselves and to noncombatants as possible"
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19-03-2014, 06:34 AM
RE: Religious storm building at home
She seems to be accepting the fact that I am not going to go to church anymore, but I have yet to tell her that I do not believe anymore, baby steps. She get frustrated that I am vocal about calling out religious based views as stupid. She has told me to back off a couple of times "for the kids". My oldest two appear to have similar views as me and that gets to my wife too. I do not come out and say religion is stupid.

We have been married 15 and a bit years. I was not attending the catholic church we we met. I was kind of bouncing around looking for answeres to the questions that never got answered. When we met she was not attending any church, but would only go to the catholic, so I switched back for her. I had been an active participant for several years, but started dropping off a few years back. When we lived in Houston I was in the choir at the church we attended. I really wanted to quit, but did not want her to catch any fall out for my actions. Church is important to her and I did not want to stop her from participating or make things difficult. The choir was full of good musicians and I enjoyed playing with them. After we moved home I was not tied to anything and it was a good oportunity to complete the split. Took me about a year to finally do it.
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01-04-2014, 08:47 AM
RE: Religious storm building at home
Well things took a bump last week. We are dealing with some teenaged girl crap (just for you Dee). It was bad enough that the kids involved could have been arrested and/or expelled from school if the school had found out. "Luckily" the parent that discovered what the kids were doing went to the parents of all the kids and we decided as a group to sort it out amonst ourselves.

During the cource of us dealing with our kid my wife had a breakdown and I had to deal with her so I could deal with my daughter. It was bad. Wife was crying and carring on in front of our daughter while we were trying to sort things out. Not helpful at all.

A few days after the inital portion wife and I went out to pick up pizza. While we were driving we were discussin the events and how they came to pass and what we could do better. Instead of looking at ways we could be better parents or more reacable to the kids, etc, etc, etc she decided the problem was we do not go to church enough and it was the devil getting to our kids. I got quite aggrivated by this. The only think I could think to do was to tell her "there is no boogie man". That was right when we got to the pizza place so I left her in the car and went get our food. The ride home was quiet. I just have a hard time with that point of view. It would even bother me when I was a believer.
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01-04-2014, 09:09 AM
RE: Religious storm building at home
I can only speak if I were in your shoes with the details given here to go on....but if it were me, I would just spill it all with your wife and get it all out in the open. It seems like it keeps rearing its ugly head and slowly is getting leaked out and those little leakages are keeping you irritated because of her reaction. It seems to me (again, just going by what you've told us) that she's going to over react and flip out over little leakages just as she would over a big spill. I would go for the big spill, and then deal with the mess once and for all. Let the chips fall where they fall. It will be a relief for you to get it all out, it will be a relief for your kids, no one has to tip toe around the elephant in the room. The elephant then gets acknowledged and everyone in your family has an opportunity to make friends with the elephant. It opens up dinner table discussions, etc.

Your wife won't be happy- but it doesn't sound like she is happy with you hiding it either. It could have a big impact on you and the kids. Lots of lessons and teaching by example-- being true to yourself, speaking up even when you know its going to be a shit storm, and some bonding because they know they don't have to tip toe the issue with you.

I'm a "let the cat out of the bag" person. Maybe you are? maybe you aren't?

I hope in the end, you find a way to work this all out.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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01-04-2014, 09:50 AM
RE: Religious storm building at home
Well, I am and I am not. When I am the only one that has to deal with the fall out I am real open. When others have the potential to be hurt, not so much, especally when they are my kids.
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