Religious storm building at home
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19-08-2014, 07:09 AM
RE: Religious storm building at home
MrsFarrow - A little background for you. When we met I was attending the Methodist church, still looking for answers. She was not attending church at all. Once we started to date she wanted to go to church, but only a catholic one. So I swapped. We got married in the church and all that. Since then we have been running divergent paths. I have gotten less religious and she more. I would have backed out of church stuff a few years ago, but she was super involved and I was in the choir band. Me bailing at that time would have caused her lots of grief with her friends, so I kept my head down and mouth shut for a few years. She knew then I did not agree with the church and their stance on stuff. When we moved neither one of us was involved and there would be no negative impact on her so I stopped going all together. Not totally sure how she would handle me telling her I am an atheist. Last night she asked me to go somewhere if I was not happy with the catholic church. My response was I am not interested in going anywhere. I guess time will tell how that goes over.

We have lots of other issues in our marriage. This could be the straw that broke the camel's back. Hard to say at times.
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19-08-2014, 08:59 AM
RE: Religious storm building at home
(19-08-2014 07:09 AM)wazzel Wrote:  MrsFarrow - A little background for you. When we met I was attending the Methodist church, still looking for answers. She was not attending church at all. Once we started to date she wanted to go to church, but only a catholic one. So I swapped. We got married in the church and all that. Since then we have been running divergent paths. I have gotten less religious and she more. I would have backed out of church stuff a few years ago, but she was super involved and I was in the choir band. Me bailing at that time would have caused her lots of grief with her friends, so I kept my head down and mouth shut for a few years. She knew then I did not agree with the church and their stance on stuff. When we moved neither one of us was involved and there would be no negative impact on her so I stopped going all together. Not totally sure how she would handle me telling her I am an atheist. Last night she asked me to go somewhere if I was not happy with the catholic church. My response was I am not interested in going anywhere. I guess time will tell how that goes over.

We have lots of other issues in our marriage. This could be the straw that broke the camel's back. Hard to say at times.

That makes sense. I was hoping neither of you walked into that land mine with both eyes wide open.

I'm always all for keeping a marriage together, and I do truly hope it works out for you. However, keep in mind it shouldn't just be you trying. For as much as you stay silent, maybe she should try it as well.

Good luck my friend.
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19-08-2014, 09:24 AM
RE: Religious storm building at home
(19-08-2014 06:23 AM)wazzel Wrote:  My response was along the lines of. I will support them if they want to participate. I will not force them to do it. Confirmation is supposed to be an adult sacrament and you don't force adults.

I would continue with this path. Freedom of conscience is a human rights issue. Just tell your daughter you have her back no matter what she chooses, but the choice is hers alone.

You might be able to comfort your wife's feelings of "spiritual failure " with the fact that your daughter could always choose that path at a later date if she wanted. This isn't a one shot opportunity that wont ever pass by again ( like prom) Just because some kids do it at a particular age doesn't mean they all have to. And wouldn't your wife want this to be a genuine confirmation rather than an insincere one?


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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19-08-2014, 09:43 AM
RE: Religious storm building at home
(19-08-2014 09:24 AM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  
(19-08-2014 06:23 AM)wazzel Wrote:  My response was along the lines of. I will support them if they want to participate. I will not force them to do it. Confirmation is supposed to be an adult sacrament and you don't force adults.

I would continue with this path. Freedom of conscience is a human rights issue. Just tell your daughter you have her back no matter what she chooses, but the choice is hers alone.

You might be able to comfort your wife's feelings of "spiritual failure " with the fact that your daughter could always choose that path at a later date if she wanted. This isn't a one shot opportunity that wont ever pass by again ( like prom) Just because some kids do it at a particular age doesn't mean they all have to. And wouldn't your wife want this to be a genuine confirmation rather than an insincere one?

That is my plan. It does not help that she gets calls from the church along the line of..."Mrs. Wazzel. I see you have a daughter in 10th grade and she is not enrolled in confirmation class. You know she really should be enrolled in confirmation class." etc...................

Catholic guilt works on my wife.
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19-08-2014, 09:47 AM
RE: Religious storm building at home
Maybe you could return their call. Evil_monster


Angel


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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19-08-2014, 09:56 AM
RE: Religious storm building at home
(19-08-2014 09:47 AM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  Maybe you could return their call. Evil_monster


Angel

It is really not that big a deal.

"Mrs. Church Lady. We have discussed this and she is not ready at this time. I appreciate you checking in on us. When she feels she is ready to go through the classes we will be in touch. Have a nice day."
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19-08-2014, 04:33 PM
RE: Religious storm building at home
I don't have any advice, just want to say I think you're handling this all very well Hug

I hope that the world turns, and things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you. - V for Vendetta
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19-08-2014, 06:53 PM (This post was last modified: 19-08-2014 07:09 PM by goodwithoutgod.)
RE: Religious storm building at home
I have had my own loads to bear, but I can't imagine this one. Thankfully my wife is as ardent of an atheist as I am. I cherish the moments of us giggling together about some stupid religious thing or other, or sending each other memes during the day that poke fun at the believers....it makes us a strong couple that our non belief is strong. She is a TTA podcast addict, I huddle over the forums, She doesn't like confrontation, I refuse to avoid it, she is my biggest fan, and I am hers. I feel for you, truly, best of luck....one small piece of non helpful advice...life is too short to be miserable, you only live once, you must seek to enjoy the ride.

Stay strong

"Belief is so often the death of reason" - Qyburn, Game of Thrones

"The Christian community continues to exist because the conclusions of the critical study of the Bible are largely withheld from them." -Hans Conzelmann (1915-1989)
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19-08-2014, 07:08 PM
RE: Religious storm building at home
(19-08-2014 04:33 PM)Smercury44 Wrote:  I don't have any advice, just want to say I think you're handling this all very well Hug

I agree. You're surely a cooler head than I am, Wazzel. I hope things work out well for all of you. And good on your smart girls, too. Smile

"The amazing thing is that every atom in your body came from a star that exploded. ... So, forget Jesus. The stars died so that you could be here today." -- Lawrence Krauss
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20-08-2014, 06:31 AM
RE: Religious storm building at home
I took a long time to come out to my wife, and still when the hammer dropped she rang my sister and said "I wish he'd told me he was gay instead". She eventually came around but then she wasn't the one taking the kids to church every Sunday. That had been me. I say follow your gut, let things play out at a rate you feel comfortable with. You're doing good. Vent in safe places when you feel you need to. Good luck and all the best.

As for children my oldest is 8. I let that play at its own rate for a long time as I'm currently doing with my 5 year old. She would ask me about various religious topics or tell me what she had "learned". I would explain the various points of view on the question without revealing my own hand. Eventually she asked my point blank whether I believed in God and I said "No". That has worked well in our family and she is a somewhat avowed atheist now. She has actually had her first falling out with a friend over religious differences. I don't quite know how to feel about that beyond "My girl is growing up".

Give me your argument in the form of a published paper, and then we can start to talk.
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