Rules for cats
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02-04-2012, 03:55 PM
Rules for cats
BATHROOMS: Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.

DOORS:
Do not allow any closed doors in any room. To get the door open, stand
on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not
necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened,
stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is
particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or
mosquito season.

CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to throw
up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an
Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing
up on the carpet, make sure you back up so it is as long as a human's
bare foot.

HAMPERING: If one of your humans is engaged
in some activity, and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This
is called "helping," otherwise known as "hampering." Following are the
rules for hampering:


1. When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the
cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being
stepped on and then picked up and comforted.

2. For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book -- unless you can lie across the book itself.

3. When human is working at computer, jump up on desk, walk across
keyboard, bat at mouse pointer on screen, and then lay in human's lap
across arms, hampering typing in progress.


WALKING
: As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as
possible in front of the human, especially: on stairs, when they have
something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the
morning. This will help their coordination skills.

BEDTIME: Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot move around.

LITTER BOX:
When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much litter out of the
box as possible. Humans love the feel of kitty litter between their
toes.

HIDING: Every now and then, hide in a place where
the humans cannot find you. Do not come out for three to four hours
under any circumstances. This will cause the humans to panic (which
they love) thinking that you have run away or are lost. Once you do
come out, the humans will cover you with love and kisses, and you
probably will get a treat.

ONE LAST THOUGHT: Whenever
possible, get close to a human, especially their face, turn around, and
present your butt to them. Humans love this, so do it often. And don't
forget the guests.
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02-04-2012, 04:01 PM
RE: Rules for cats
Good, was wondering if I wa failing at the rules =p I seem to be doing just fine

I'm not a non believer, I believe in the possibility of anything. I just don't let the actuality of something be determined by a 3rd party.
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02-04-2012, 04:11 PM
RE: Rules for cats
[Image: happydog-shit-hallway.jpg]

“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect.”

-Mark Twain
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02-04-2012, 04:12 PM (This post was last modified: 02-04-2012 04:18 PM by FSM_scot.)
RE: Rules for cats
You missed "if it fits... i sits"
proof:
[Image: 946.gif]
[Image: funny-pictures-if-it-fits-i-sits.jpg]
[Image: s7JtV.jpg]

Behold the power of the force!
[Image: fgYtjtY.gif]
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02-04-2012, 04:13 PM
RE: Rules for cats
In the morning, sit on your person's chest and stare at their face.

If that doesn't get them up, walk to the side of the head and touch your nose to it until they wake up. If that fails too, lay across the face. They will have to come up for air.

Play hide and seek. Hide any object you can pick up or bat and push. It gives your person great pleasure to spend a lot of time looking for things.

Learn to get on top of the highest points of the house, like tall shelving units, refrigerators and armoires. Then wait for your person to walk by and jump down.

[Image: dobie.png]

Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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02-04-2012, 04:18 PM
RE: Rules for cats
I love cats. They exhibit the right brand of insanity.
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02-04-2012, 04:34 PM
RE: Rules for cats
I had a cat once actually do this:
Don't sit on the human's face, because then you can 't lick it. They really like the feel of sandpaper tongues and the smell of fish breath.
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02-04-2012, 04:47 PM
RE: Rules for cats
I had a friend who owned a demon cat that would always attack me. When I went to her house to watch movies I'd huddle in the fetal position with my hood over my head and it would still find me. Only me ever though. Maybe I was the demon? Tongue
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02-04-2012, 05:23 PM
RE: Rules for cats
(02-04-2012 04:18 PM)justmetoo Wrote:  I love cats. They exhibit the right brand of insanity.
I fuckin' hate cats. Whenever one's looking at me I feel like they're measuring me for how long that fat man can feed them. If you're in peril of your life, your dog will do its doggondest to try and save your worthless ass, your cat will wait for you to die and then eat you.

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
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02-04-2012, 05:27 PM
RE: Rules for cats
I'm very glad to know that upon dying I won't go to waste =p

I'm not a non believer, I believe in the possibility of anything. I just don't let the actuality of something be determined by a 3rd party.
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