Scars
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13-05-2014, 09:10 PM
RE: Scars
I rarely cry either, when I do it wrecks me for a little while.
I thought I felt weak for doing it but now I think it takes some of the hurt away.
Somehow washing out the built up pain I have been keeping for too long inside, like a pressure relief valve.
I'm sorry you feel this way and hope this helps at least a little. Hug
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13-05-2014, 09:29 PM
RE: Scars
(13-05-2014 08:50 PM)Anjele Wrote:  
(13-05-2014 08:43 PM)rampant.a.i. Wrote:  Are you OK?

Almost seems heartless to post in here when you're this upset: But I like the idea of roses or vines stitching up an open wound.

I have a few large scars myself, and have considered having words or sutures tattooed over them: but only if it made them look less like suicide attempts (which they aren't, just surgery.)

Thank you...no...no, I really am not okay...this hit me from out of nowhere.

Anyone who knows me knows that I almost never cry and now I can't stop.

This is a wound that never heals...godammit!

You guys are all I have. It's the only place for me to go. Fuck!

I'm sad for you, Anj. Sadcryface

Don't know what to say to help - too tired.

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
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13-05-2014, 09:59 PM
RE: Scars
(13-05-2014 08:22 PM)Anjele Wrote:  I watch the competition show "Ink Master".

The challenge tonight is for the artists to tattoo women who have hd both breasts removed and didn't have the nipple reconstruction. Something to help mask the scars. I have tried to think of something for mine for ages.

I feel like I have a knot in my throat and my eyes are welled up with tears. This is almost hitting too close to home.

While I am happy to see that something can be done to cover the ugliness and that there are others that have dealt with the same and survived...it reminds me how ugly the scars are to me. So much pain has surfaced in the last few minutes...

Now I am sobbing.

Fuck...I hate feeling weak. I fucking hate being mutilated.

I don't know what I am looking for here but I had to get some of it out.

Fuck, fuck, fuck...this hurts to the core.

(13-05-2014 08:50 PM)Anjele Wrote:  
(13-05-2014 08:43 PM)rampant.a.i. Wrote:  Are you OK?

Almost seems heartless to post in here when you're this upset: But I like the idea of roses or vines stitching up an open wound.

I have a few large scars myself, and have considered having words or sutures tattooed over them: but only if it made them look less like suicide attempts (which they aren't, just surgery.)

Thank you...no...no, I really am not okay...this hit me from out of nowhere.

Anyone who knows me knows that I almost never cry and now I can't stop.

This is a wound that never heals...godammit!

You guys are all I have. It's the only place for me to go. Fuck!

Anj, this makes me cry, too.

You gotta do what the rest of us do when something hurts us to that core, you have to be brave when brave feels elusive and you have to find that strength and build on it. If it was me, I'd have to make my scars and my pain mean something and give them a purpose other than making me feel like shit. I love in your earlier posts how you realize those scars meant you had to be strong- the scars are badges of honour. You kicked cancers ass, you stared a demon in the face and didn't look away. If we lived closer I'd ask to photograph you, because you are beautiful. Including those scars with their story. I only wish my scar was from something so heroic, mine is more of a darwin award. I don't care though, it means I lived and learned and saw another sunrise. It's just not fair to go through that and then have it make you feel like you do, you deserve better. Hug
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13-05-2014, 11:05 PM
RE: Scars
Thank you to all who responded and for the PM I received.

The tears still roll down my cheeks with no end in sight though I have tried to distract myself.

Sorry to lay it at your feet...I don't know where else to turn. I am truly shattered. I will figure it out and will be okay again.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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14-05-2014, 12:10 AM
RE: Scars
You've been through so much emotional shit lately - what with school and graduation - and then the job thing - all tough stuff to be sure. But those are things on the outside, those are things others are able to see you slog through and endure.

Your scars; those are you. Those are the you no one sees. No matter how much you think you'll be able disguise them or modify them, or even have them removed, they'll still be there. In reality, they're just a fraction of someone you used to be.

You don't have to fight anymore.
Heart You don't have to be tough, Anj.

You need a release. Just let it all out.

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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14-05-2014, 01:03 AM
RE: Scars
Hey anj thanks for sharing. I saw that episode of ink master too. Beautiful work they did. That one woman's reaction to her tattoo was truly priceless. Teared up a bit watching it.

Death is a bitch. She will get us all, and leave more than scars when she does. Will have to take another swipe at you though.
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14-05-2014, 01:43 AM
RE: Scars
Hug

I have no words, Anj. You've got me tearin' up over here, too. Just let it out, it'll feel better after.

again, Hug

Atheism is the only way to truly be free from sin.
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14-05-2014, 06:38 AM
RE: Scars
Damn Anj., I dont know what to say, except that a warm person such as you, shouldnt feel this way or be that hard on yourself. Scars arent for wimps. Wink

You're never alone here, and you do have us to rely on. Hug

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14-05-2014, 07:06 AM
RE: Scars
Anj-
sending loads of love and shoulder to cry on.

I don't know what to say, but I'm crying with you as I read this thread. I will tell you my scar/tat story instead.

wild, younger, stupider days led to a burn scar on my lower leg. It bothered me because of its looks but also because it represented a time in life when I was a complete idiot. Years later, when I had finally 'grown up', I would see that scar and it would flood me with memories and I would end up pissed and upset at myself for all the bad decisions. It was the reminder of a time in my life that I wasn't making smart choices.
When I turned 40 (that birthday was the one that hit me), I realized that I was no longer that person that received the burn, that I grown into someone else. Someone that has her shit together and those crazy days were long, long gone. And what I have now is beautiful. I got a butterfly tat over the burn. I know there are a bazillion butterfly tat's out there, but for me, I couldn't think of anything else more fitting. The ugly person that I was when received the burn, was gone, and now I have the beauty of a life. Now when I look at that spot, I don't see reminders of screw ups, I see a reminder of how I've grown.

tats and scars are so personal, I hope you can find a way to be at peace.

lots of love, and I'm here for you too!


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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14-05-2014, 07:17 AM
RE: Scars
I have no words either, everyone else seems to be saying it better than me.

Just sending a hug your way, I hope you feel better Hug

"Behind every great pirate, there is a great butt."
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