Scars
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14-05-2014, 08:38 PM
RE: Scars
Anyone who cannot accept you for what you are isn't worth your time. Fuck 'em if they have to judge you on a couple scars. And don't judge yourself on those terms, either.

You're *YOU* and there's only one. Chin up, march forward like you own the world, because you do.

Hug

We have enough youth. How about looking for the Fountain of Smart?
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14-05-2014, 08:52 PM
RE: Scars
(14-05-2014 08:38 PM)Thinkerbelle Wrote:  Anyone who cannot accept you for what you are isn't worth your time. Fuck 'em if they have to judge you on a couple scars. And don't judge yourself on those terms, either.

You're *YOU* and there's only one. Chin up, march forward like you own the world, because you do.

Hug

Thank you...since really no one has seen the scars, it's me that is my harshest critic. It's the mutilation more than the scars really. Hard to explain...it makes sense in my head.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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15-05-2014, 01:17 AM
RE: Scars
I know there have already been some great stories to illustrate the point I want to make, but I have a small story that means something personal to me.

My wife went through some back surgery when she was a teenager after she was injured in a fall. Her physical and social identity were really crushed and her many surgeries to repair her back sent her into a spiral of eating away the pain, but only adding to it in pounds on the waist.

By the time I was lucky enough to find her and marry her, she was deeply self conscious about both her weight (Although she had already lost most of it) and her scar, a large ugly thing on the lower back. It is not a pretty thing, oddly shaped and with obvious medical origins, the stitching can still be clearly seen from the surgery. It didn't help that it sits right where a lot of women love to show off their lower back. A lot of them have tatoos there to emphasize it, but she can't because of her scar.

Here's the thing, it didn't matter to me then. It was a small imperfection when I compared it to her as a whole person. What I didn't know then is that something I considered a blight on her smooth body would one day be something I was deeply attracted to.

Over the years her scar has become a kind of symbol for us since it is a mark that only she has. When she shows off her lower back with a high shirt, I get turned on. I have come to associate those feelings with the scar itself, because it belongs to her, and thus us. It is part of our relationship. It is a symbol of my acceptance and love of her and of her beauty despite her surgery. I would not feel the same if it were to be removed somehow. I would miss it, as weird as that sounds. If I were to see another women with a similar scar, I would likely be turned on simply because it reminds me of her.

The point is, her scar isn't ugly to me any more. It's beautiful and sexy.

Back surgery isn't the same as what you have gone through, but the principle may remain the same. I want to believe that you will find a new found love and appreciation of yourself through your scars. I feel confident that you deserve to be loved for them, not judged.

Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, just as it is the spirit of a spiritless situation. The abolition of religion as the illusory happiness of the people is required for their real happiness.

-Karl Marx
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15-05-2014, 05:00 AM
RE: Scars
(10-06-2013 06:36 AM)Chas Wrote:  I've got some serious scars. The big one on my leg goes from upper shin to upper thigh - multiple operations for resecting a bone tumor, doing bone grafts, knee replacements, bone replacement. Then the ones on my hips for donor bone for the leg, the chest for catheters, plus the various sports and accident ones - scalp, nose, leg, arm.

I was an athlete and that was a big part of my identity. I had played hockey in high school and university, I was still playing serious hockey when the tumor broke my leg.
It took me years to be at peace with the scars and the losses. At first I felt embarrassment, maybe a hint of shame. Was I ugly? Had I failed? Am I broken?

Would I rather be unscarred? Probably. But the scars are now part of who I am, what I've gone through, where I am.

Here's the inside:
[Image: Beddoe%20post%20op%204c.jpg]

You can imagine the outside. Drinking Beverage

Powerful image.
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15-05-2014, 05:18 AM
RE: Scars
(09-06-2013 12:44 PM)Anjele Wrote:  By a certain age we all have scars...some visible, some not. The visible ones I have didn't really bother me much as none were that noticeable.

But, my mastectomy scars really bother me. I fucking hate them! They are so ugly and a reminder that I have been mutilated. Though I had reconstruction I didn't have fake nipples made or tattooed on...I kind of feel like that's silly...I mean what's the use.

I have, from time to time, tried to think of tattoos to mask them and have seen pictures of women that have had wonderful ink done. But I haven't been able to settle on something that seems right for me. Scar tissue can be hard to tattoo and one 'breast' has a pretty straight scar while the other one looks like the surgeon may have been drunk when she made the cut...so symmetry would be an issue.

So, today I was scrolling around Facebook, kind of in a picture war with one of my daughters who is always posting gloom and doom stuff all because of this asshole she was with for a short time...let me clarify...abusive asshole.

I came across a picture that is starting to make me rethink my scars...while I may still do tattoos, when I find the right thing, I think this sentiment may just get me past a lot of mental bullshit. Any other ideas on how to get my mind right with these fucking scars would be appreciated...anyway...for what it's worth.

[Image: scars_zps7858db24.jpg]

It's a good sentiment.

I think it may be better to hold that sentiment in mind, rather then get the tattoo over your scars. If nothing else, the tattoo might lead you to feel a sense of loss that is better to not dwell on, IMO.
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15-05-2014, 11:14 AM
RE: Scars
(14-05-2014 08:52 PM)Anjele Wrote:  
(14-05-2014 08:38 PM)Thinkerbelle Wrote:  Anyone who cannot accept you for what you are isn't worth your time. Fuck 'em if they have to judge you on a couple scars. And don't judge yourself on those terms, either.

You're *YOU* and there's only one. Chin up, march forward like you own the world, because you do.

Hug

Thank you...since really no one has seen the scars, it's me that is my harshest critic. It's the mutilation more than the scars really. Hard to explain...it makes sense in my head.

Don't buy into the Madison Avenue version of what you're *supposed* to be. That person doesn't exist and never will. They airbrush "supermodels," FPS.

As for the mutilation, I do get it. That's some heavy equipment you're missing. Still doesn't change who you are or what you're capable of doing.

Hug

We have enough youth. How about looking for the Fountain of Smart?
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15-05-2014, 11:21 AM
RE: Scars
(09-06-2013 12:44 PM)Anjele Wrote:  By a certain age we all have scars...some visible, some not. The visible ones I have didn't really bother me much as none were that noticeable.

But, my mastectomy scars really bother me. I fucking hate them! They are so ugly and a reminder that I have been mutilated. Though I had reconstruction I didn't have fake nipples made or tattooed on...I kind of feel like that's silly...I mean what's the use.

I have, from time to time, tried to think of tattoos to mask them and have seen pictures of women that have had wonderful ink done. But I haven't been able to settle on something that seems right for me. Scar tissue can be hard to tattoo and one 'breast' has a pretty straight scar while the other one looks like the surgeon may have been drunk when she made the cut...so symmetry would be an issue.

So, today I was scrolling around Facebook, kind of in a picture war with one of my daughters who is always posting gloom and doom stuff all because of this asshole she was with for a short time...let me clarify...abusive asshole.

I came across a picture that is starting to make me rethink my scars...while I may still do tattoos, when I find the right thing, I think this sentiment may just get me past a lot of mental bullshit. Any other ideas on how to get my mind right with these fucking scars would be appreciated...anyway...for what it's worth.

[Image: scars_zps7858db24.jpg]



fuckin love you, Anj !!!
HeartHeartHeartHeartHeartHeartHeartHeartHeart

When I want your opinion I'll read your entrails.
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15-05-2014, 11:23 AM
RE: Scars
Girl you know I love you Hug

As for those scars. You need to start viewing those as a sign of how amazing you are, and a war badge for winning a war.

Those scars are part of what makes you you, and I love that person Hug
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15-05-2014, 07:01 PM
RE: Scars
Okay...one thing at a time.

Dental appointment a total disaster...so much infection that anesthesia didn't work...have to go back. Two and a half hours in the chair which sucks...since the mastectomies I just can't lay on my back like that without it being pure misery.

Left with the work unfinished, mouth bloody, and the whole side of my face swollen up. Had almost an hour till I had to go take my final. I figure I passed it but certainly didn't ace it...so graduation will be skipped tomorrow and I will wait for my diploma in the mail.

Still weepy...trying to put one foot in front of the other...you guys are a big help.

More love and hugs to all.

A

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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15-05-2014, 07:55 PM
RE: Scars
(15-05-2014 07:01 PM)Anjele Wrote:  Okay...one thing at a time.

Dental appointment a total disaster...so much infection that anesthesia didn't work...have to go back. Two and a half hours in the chair which sucks...since the mastectomies I just can't lay on my back like that without it being pure misery.

Left with the work unfinished, mouth bloody, and the whole side of my face swollen up. Had almost an hour till I had to go take my final. I figure I passed it but certainly didn't ace it...so graduation will be skipped tomorrow and I will wait for my diploma in the mail.

Still weepy...trying to put one foot in front of the other...you guys are a big help.

More love and hugs to all.

A

Oooo, I hate those chairs! I'm a bit... well, vertically challenged and they never fit me. The up parts of the chair match with my down parts and vice versa. You have my sympathy!

When I get all weepy and I can't shake it, I give myself a time limit. I'm allowed to bawl for 2 hours (or whatever time period I think is appropriate for the disaster) and then it's back to the ol' bootstrap thing. You'd be surprised how hard it is to cry for 2 hours on demand.

And when you get up tomorrow, you'd be a brand new graduate. Smartass Something to be damn proud of. Kudos to you!

Hang in there. One foot in front of the other. You can do it.

We have enough youth. How about looking for the Fountain of Smart?
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