Secular therapy
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
26-08-2015, 02:41 PM
RE: Secular therapy
(26-08-2015 02:36 PM)beeglez Wrote:  
(26-08-2015 09:42 AM)itsnotmeitsyou Wrote:  I don't get the sense that he's trying to force religion on me or anything like that. It's more that he's so used to dealing with religious patients that his methods seem to revolve around that. He's jewish and was struggling to talk about things they do in the jewish faith to deal with grief, but put it in secular terms. He was mostly successful, but I could see him struggling so as not to offend me. I appreciate his effort, but I think I would be better served by someone that deals with non-religious patients more often.

I'm very sorry for your loss. If you aren't comfortable with the therapist, I do hope you can find another one. Sounds like that might be a challenge though. If things were going well prior to him finding out you are an atheist, maybe he is a good therapist who was just a little thrown off by the unexpected. Therapists are human too! Maybe he's researching the topic and asking for advice from colleagues on how best to help an atheist patient. If you are willing to give this one another chance, I'd start the session out by saying you felt things were going well, but were worried that the fact you are an atheist changed the tone of the session. Ask if he feels he will be able to help you without bringing up religion, and if not could he recommend someone who would.

Yeah, I have another session with him scheduled. I may bring it up if it seems to be an issue still.

Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up.

"Let me give you some advice, bastard: never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you." - Tyrion Lannister
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
26-08-2015, 02:54 PM
RE: Secular therapy
(26-08-2015 02:36 PM)beeglez Wrote:  
(26-08-2015 09:42 AM)itsnotmeitsyou Wrote:  I don't get the sense that he's trying to force religion on me or anything like that. It's more that he's so used to dealing with religious patients that his methods seem to revolve around that. He's jewish and was struggling to talk about things they do in the jewish faith to deal with grief, but put it in secular terms. He was mostly successful, but I could see him struggling so as not to offend me. I appreciate his effort, but I think I would be better served by someone that deals with non-religious patients more often.

Ask if he feels he will be able to help you without bringing up religion, and if not could he recommend someone who would.

I agree. Tell him that you appreciate his effort to relate to you, but say that it might be better to find someone who can relate on a more personal level. I would expect that if you put it like that, that he'd even be willing to try to refer you one of his contacts that he feels might be a better fit.

I'm so sorry about your loss, and I sincerely hope you find someone to help you.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Aliza's post
26-08-2015, 02:55 PM
RE: Secular therapy
(26-08-2015 08:05 AM)itsnotmeitsyou Wrote:  I've decided I need professional help in dealing with my father's death. I can't sleep, I can't think straight, I'm even more forgetful than I normally am.

BTW, all that is normal.... , lack of sleep, nightmares, memory loss, impaired thinking, depression.... maybe you just need to find some books to read? It eases up over the course of a year. It hasn't been near that long.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Dom's post
26-08-2015, 02:56 PM
RE: Secular therapy
(26-08-2015 02:55 PM)Dom Wrote:  
(26-08-2015 08:05 AM)itsnotmeitsyou Wrote:  I've decided I need professional help in dealing with my father's death. I can't sleep, I can't think straight, I'm even more forgetful than I normally am.

BTW, all that is normal.... maybe you just need to find some books to read?

I'm open to suggestions.

Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up.

"Let me give you some advice, bastard: never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you." - Tyrion Lannister
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
26-08-2015, 03:05 PM
RE: Secular therapy
(26-08-2015 02:56 PM)itsnotmeitsyou Wrote:  
(26-08-2015 02:55 PM)Dom Wrote:  BTW, all that is normal.... maybe you just need to find some books to read?

I'm open to suggestions.

I have to go out now, but I will poke around for a secular book later. Many of them also include religious stuff, so they need screening, and I didn't keep track when I was reading and reading and reading about it....I tend to read everything in sight when I am interested in something.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
26-08-2015, 05:41 PM (This post was last modified: 26-08-2015 05:53 PM by Dom.)
RE: Secular therapy
This one is written for therapists - it's easy to read though, well founded and gets lots of praise from peers:


Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy, Fourth Edition: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner 4th Edition
by J. William Worden PhD ABPP

Like with everything else, it becomes less scary when one understands the mechanics of it.

Almost everyone who experiences deep grief for the first time thinks they are going nuts. I started my reading quest about death and grief for that reason - I thought I was losing it and going nuts. Well, I thought I had already gone nuts. I came to find out I was in good company and in time, the crazy symptoms disappeared. Now, 3 1/2 years later, I have finally finished grieving. Some people take a lot less time, some more.

Read the above and everything else you can get your hands on that's not religion based, and you will understand your grief and handle it a lot better.

I hate that our society is so non-supportive of grieving and death is pretty much a taboo. We just don't talk about it. I blame religion - we are expected to content ourselves with platitudes and rituals. Truth is, no one in deep grief is helped by either. The only thing that helps is understanding how it works. You are not crazy. You are not sick. You are grieving hard.

HugHug

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Dom's post
27-08-2015, 06:26 AM
RE: Secular therapy
(26-08-2015 05:41 PM)Dom Wrote:  This one is written for therapists - it's easy to read though, well founded and gets lots of praise from peers:


Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy, Fourth Edition: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner 4th Edition
by J. William Worden PhD ABPP

Like with everything else, it becomes less scary when one understands the mechanics of it.

Almost everyone who experiences deep grief for the first time thinks they are going nuts. I started my reading quest about death and grief for that reason - I thought I was losing it and going nuts. Well, I thought I had already gone nuts. I came to find out I was in good company and in time, the crazy symptoms disappeared. Now, 3 1/2 years later, I have finally finished grieving. Some people take a lot less time, some more.

Read the above and everything else you can get your hands on that's not religion based, and you will understand your grief and handle it a lot better.

I hate that our society is so non-supportive of grieving and death is pretty much a taboo. We just don't talk about it. I blame religion - we are expected to content ourselves with platitudes and rituals. Truth is, no one in deep grief is helped by either. The only thing that helps is understanding how it works. You are not crazy. You are not sick. You are grieving hard.

HugHug

Hug

Thanks. It always helps to be told I'm not going crazy. It does feel like my mind is slipping away. I know it's normal, but it certainly doesn't feel that way.

Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up.

"Let me give you some advice, bastard: never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you." - Tyrion Lannister
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
27-08-2015, 08:40 AM
RE: Secular therapy
(27-08-2015 06:26 AM)itsnotmeitsyou Wrote:  
(26-08-2015 05:41 PM)Dom Wrote:  This one is written for therapists - it's easy to read though, well founded and gets lots of praise from peers:


Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy, Fourth Edition: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner 4th Edition
by J. William Worden PhD ABPP

Like with everything else, it becomes less scary when one understands the mechanics of it.

Almost everyone who experiences deep grief for the first time thinks they are going nuts. I started my reading quest about death and grief for that reason - I thought I was losing it and going nuts. Well, I thought I had already gone nuts. I came to find out I was in good company and in time, the crazy symptoms disappeared. Now, 3 1/2 years later, I have finally finished grieving. Some people take a lot less time, some more.

Read the above and everything else you can get your hands on that's not religion based, and you will understand your grief and handle it a lot better.

I hate that our society is so non-supportive of grieving and death is pretty much a taboo. We just don't talk about it. I blame religion - we are expected to content ourselves with platitudes and rituals. Truth is, no one in deep grief is helped by either. The only thing that helps is understanding how it works. You are not crazy. You are not sick. You are grieving hard.

HugHug

Hug

Thanks. It always helps to be told I'm not going crazy. It does feel like my mind is slipping away. I know it's normal, but it certainly doesn't feel that way.

That's why it helps to read - realizing that you are not alone at all. Not only can it affect you mentally, it can even cause physical pain and symptoms. I felt physically ill and my whole body hurt for about a week after the death - and then I went crazy. Your imagination can go nuts too and you can become attached to items the dead person owned, or talk to them or to pictures, you can even feel them answer. It's all normal and happens to many.

You must have had a very deep attachment to your dad - most people don't dip that deeply into grief until their spouse dies. That is because most people are busy with the families they have started themselves at the time their parents die. The triggers get filled with their new family much more quickly.

You may get weird nightmares about your dad, lose a lot of sleep, and feel physically drained. (Of course, you are not sleeping right).

It's all normal, and if you want to pm me and tell me what makes you think you are going bonkers, we can talk about it. I was lucky as a friend of mine was going through the same thing at the same time and we were able to exchange notes. It helped a lot.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like Dom's post
27-08-2015, 10:25 AM
RE: Secular therapy
(27-08-2015 08:40 AM)Dom Wrote:  
(27-08-2015 06:26 AM)itsnotmeitsyou Wrote:  Hug

Thanks. It always helps to be told I'm not going crazy. It does feel like my mind is slipping away. I know it's normal, but it certainly doesn't feel that way.

That's why it helps to read - realizing that you are not alone at all. Not only can it affect you mentally, it can even cause physical pain and symptoms. I felt physically ill and my whole body hurt for about a week after the death - and then I went crazy. Your imagination can go nuts too and you can become attached to items the dead person owned, or talk to them or to pictures, you can even feel them answer. It's all normal and happens to many.

You must have had a very deep attachment to your dad - most people don't dip that deeply into grief until their spouse dies. That is because most people are busy with the families they have started themselves at the time their parents die. The triggers get filled with their new family much more quickly.

You may get weird nightmares about your dad, lose a lot of sleep, and feel physically drained. (Of course, you are not sleeping right).

It's all normal, and if you want to pm me and tell me what makes you think you are going bonkers, we can talk about it. I was lucky as a friend of mine was going through the same thing at the same time and we were able to exchange notes. It helped a lot.

I did have a very strong relationship with my dad. We worked together for many years, we went camping together, we were friends.

Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up.

"Let me give you some advice, bastard: never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you." - Tyrion Lannister
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes itsnotmeitsyou's post
27-08-2015, 11:15 AM
RE: Secular therapy
(27-08-2015 10:25 AM)itsnotmeitsyou Wrote:  
(27-08-2015 08:40 AM)Dom Wrote:  That's why it helps to read - realizing that you are not alone at all. Not only can it affect you mentally, it can even cause physical pain and symptoms. I felt physically ill and my whole body hurt for about a week after the death - and then I went crazy. Your imagination can go nuts too and you can become attached to items the dead person owned, or talk to them or to pictures, you can even feel them answer. It's all normal and happens to many.

You must have had a very deep attachment to your dad - most people don't dip that deeply into grief until their spouse dies. That is because most people are busy with the families they have started themselves at the time their parents die. The triggers get filled with their new family much more quickly.

You may get weird nightmares about your dad, lose a lot of sleep, and feel physically drained. (Of course, you are not sleeping right).

It's all normal, and if you want to pm me and tell me what makes you think you are going bonkers, we can talk about it. I was lucky as a friend of mine was going through the same thing at the same time and we were able to exchange notes. It helped a lot.

I did have a very strong relationship with my dad. We worked together for many years, we went camping together, we were friends.


That explains a lot right there. The closer the relationship, the more triggers. You can expect to be triggered every time you experience something he used to be part of, activities, sounds, scents, specific days, foods - you name it, if you associate it with him, you will be triggered. And there is not a damn thing you or any therapy can do about it. Only new things slowly filling the trigger spots will help to ease out of the grief cycle.

You'll never "get over it", but it will change to a more tolerable form, some of the triggers will eventually make you smile instead. Some will disappear. Some will always be painful. But you're going to be ok. It will just run it's course.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like Dom's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: