Self Esteem Issues
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29-03-2012, 04:32 PM
RE: Self Esteem Issues
(29-03-2012 04:27 PM)AnotherSinner Wrote:  Thanks....really was thinking that somehow I was in the wrong. Every time I have been upset there as of late, I have apologized for it. Regardless of what was said to me to make me so.

I know how you feel- I used to apologize for EVERYTHING. I still apologize for stuff that I shouldn't. But that type of behavior is manipulation, or underhanded compliments. It's hurtful, even if they don't think so. The only thing you can do is confront them when they do that. Most likely they won't see any offense and so they won't apologize- but don't second guess yourself so much.
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29-03-2012, 04:36 PM
RE: Self Esteem Issues
(29-03-2012 04:27 PM)AnotherSinner Wrote:  Thanks....really was thinking that somehow I was in the wrong. Every time I have been upset there as of late, I have apologized for it. Regardless of what was said to me to make me so.
Seriously, those guys can go fuck themselves Angry

Sorry for language Wink You'll get used to it if you stick around, which hopefully you will do.
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29-03-2012, 04:42 PM
RE: Self Esteem Issues
(29-03-2012 04:32 PM)kineo Wrote:  
(29-03-2012 04:27 PM)AnotherSinner Wrote:  Thanks....really was thinking that somehow I was in the wrong. Every time I have been upset there as of late, I have apologized for it. Regardless of what was said to me to make me so.

I know how you feel- I used to apologize for EVERYTHING. I still apologize for stuff that I shouldn't. But that type of behavior is manipulation, or underhanded compliments. It's hurtful, even if they don't think so. The only thing you can do is confront them when they do that. Most likely they won't see any offense and so they won't apologize- but don't second guess yourself so much.
Been second guessing myself from the moment I got this remark in reference to bad church problems:
"I am not saying you are a liar, but I have to wonder do you believe everything you hear?"
Forgot I had quoted it and shared it with some of my Christian and non Christian friends to see if I was losing it, so odds are I misquoted it before trying to do it straight from memory.....not to mention my spouse. Think steam was about to come out of his ears when he saw it..... He was beyond ticked. Was almost scared of him. He feels I walked into a den of Vipers going there....
Did not bother to keep or copy the words before that....they were no less kind...but as much as I love trying to find fellowship. Maybe I should just keep it within the home and church. Where it belongs. Clearly it does not belong much on the net unless I expect a rain of fire and brimstone.
Have no qualms talking with others on their beliefs and trying to understand my own better. Just should not have to resort or be about dirty tactics of utterly insulting or demeaning the other for not sharing opinions.
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29-03-2012, 06:39 PM
RE: Self Esteem Issues
(29-03-2012 02:49 PM)Jodienda76 Wrote:  Though I'm generally a social butterfly and love being around people, when I have to do a speech I get extremely nervous and nauseaus. I can't stand public speaking and hate looking at people in the eyes. Knowing that they are all looking at me just kills my insides.

I learned this (from one of my old pastors, ironically): when giving a sermon/speech, it's actually better NOT to look people in the eye. Instead, aim for a few inches above people's heads--it gives the appearance of eye contact without having to do it. Might decrease the anxiety a bit.

Drinking Beverage Grab a cuppa' joe; sit-n-read my blog for a spell: www.vaweber.wordpress.com
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29-03-2012, 07:25 PM (This post was last modified: 29-03-2012 07:26 PM by Erxomai.)
RE: Self Esteem Issues
(29-03-2012 04:32 PM)kineo Wrote:  
(29-03-2012 04:27 PM)AnotherSinner Wrote:  Thanks....really was thinking that somehow I was in the wrong. Every time I have been upset there as of late, I have apologized for it. Regardless of what was said to me to make me so.

I know how you feel- I used to apologize for EVERYTHING. I still apologize for stuff that I shouldn't. But that type of behavior is manipulation, or underhanded compliments. It's hurtful, even if they don't think so. The only thing you can do is confront them when they do that. Most likely they won't see any offense and so they won't apologize- but don't second guess yourself so much.
I'm sorry you both feel that way. Smile


(29-03-2012 06:39 PM)ValerieAnn1975 Wrote:  
(29-03-2012 02:49 PM)Jodienda76 Wrote:  Though I'm generally a social butterfly and love being around people, when I have to do a speech I get extremely nervous and nauseaus. I can't stand public speaking and hate looking at people in the eyes. Knowing that they are all looking at me just kills my insides.

I learned this (from one of my old pastors, ironically): when giving a sermon/speech, it's actually better NOT to look people in the eye. Instead, aim for a few inches above people's heads--it gives the appearance of eye contact without having to do it. Might decrease the anxiety a bit.
Pfff, your pastor was fucking with you. That is NOT what we were taught to do. We were taught to imagine the congregation in their underwear.
Big Grin

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
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29-03-2012, 08:00 PM
RE: Self Esteem Issues
I sound like a politician when I do any public speaking....
"Umm....blah blah blah.....ummm..." *Shifts feet* "Blah blah blah...ummm."
Pretty scary.
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29-03-2012, 10:38 PM
RE: Self Esteem Issues
(29-03-2012 12:36 PM)AnotherSinner Wrote:  Anyone else here have REAL issues with self esteem?
Suggestions as to how to fix it?
Have been called a lot of things by people close to me...or really put down. Just want to know if anyone else here has had or perhaps has made a habit out of cutting, or causing bodily harm to themselves.
It is something I have dealt with and sometimes struggle not to do when I feel bad about myself.
Lately have really had issues with it too. Fellow believers...have implied that I am a liar, niave, imature, over emotional, and unstable....
I would appreciate any insight or experience had by any here. How did you develop a toughter skin? How did you cope?
Thoughts....?

I've been suffering with self-esteem as well. Some days I feel great about myself, while other days I just hide from the world in my room. It has been getting better, but it's obviously not something that can be fixed overnight. It can take months, or in my case, years to completely overcome it. I can't speak to cutting, but I hope my experiences can give you insights on how you might be able to cope and eventually overcome it.

As with any problem, the first step to correcting it is acknowledging and admitting that there is a problem. This can be the hardest step, but as evidenced by your post, you've already taken that first step and that's great! Several years back, my clique of close friends severely betrayed my trust and generosity, and I had to cut ties with them. Like you, these close friends of mine really put me down in all manners of ways. What has helped me was clinging to those two or three people that truly were my best friends. I had to learn the hard way that three amazing friends were better than a couple dozen good friends.

My one friend, Matt, has moved away and we can't afford to see each other much currently, but we try talking for at least 20 minutes or so once a day on the phone. I can vent to him about my problems, frustrations, or even talk about nothing and just talk bullshit. Another friend, Vince, who still lives in town, is who I go out on the town with. We go to our favorite bar in town, get good and buzzed, relax, and occasionally he helps me meet the ladies and I help him meet other gentlemen, not for any kind of one night stand, but just to meet new people. Sometime we just drink at his place, and then later in the night he takes me out dancing just to relieve some stress. Hell, it's even great just to go to his house for no other reason than to get out of my own even if we decide not to drink that night. The point of this being, lean on those who you know won't let you fall.

As germanyt said, picking up a few hobbies can really help. I enjoy watching a great movie that draws me into another world. A few of my favorites you might like are What Dreams May Come, Gattaca, and Reign Over Me. Along the same lines, I enjoy playing video games with great stories I get lost in (Knights of the Old Republic, Mass Effect, and Chrono Trigger). And lastly, there's nothing like just relaxing to a favorite music album. There's nothing as entrancing as Santana's Supernatural, Jeff Beck in Exhaust Note, or any and everything Stevie Ray Vaughan. As you mention writing a book is great. Anything that can take your mind off the day to day treadmill should never be undervalued.

On the subject of professional help, while I've never been to see a therapist, I agree with the others that it could help. My previously mentioned friend Matt just started seeing one. He couldn't stress enough how freeing is it for him to talk to her about any and everything. Just talking to someone outside of the situation has been great he says, and I can understand how that would be so. While it's not exactly the same, you could consider posting here on this forum a form of group therapy. While I haven't been here long everyone seems to be very excepting, understand, and in a community even of this size, there'll be at least one person who has gone through or is going through the same situation.

I have no idea how this post became so large, but to reiterate my points: Friends! Those special select few who'll stand with you no matter what. Hobbies. Reading, writing, listening, watching, exercising, playing, any combination of or all of the above. And help from the community. Be it a professional therapist, a group therapy session, or even heathens on a forum!

I hope you can find at least one small nugget of wisdom in this wall of text.

-Jay

"The most valuable possession you can own is an open heart. The most powerful weapon you can be is an instrument of peace." -- Carlos Santana
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30-03-2012, 08:00 AM
RE: Self Esteem Issues
When I speak in public (which is often since I speak for colleges) I never stop shaking =p
Everyone stays engaged though and would never mention the fact that I look terrified (no one notices). As long as you can keep people interested in what youare saying they will forgive you small issues. Also remember that it's easy to over exaggerate the impact of your own mistakes. Others won't see it as easy as you. When you get past that voice of doubt in your head you'll be surprised at how much no one notices.
It's definitely a good idea to look for those friends who can help remove your deep seated issues. I found mine online actually. Never dismiss a possible lesson you can find what you need in the strangest places.

I'm not a non believer, I believe in the possibility of anything. I just don't let the actuality of something be determined by a 3rd party.
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30-03-2012, 08:26 AM
RE: Self Esteem Issues
(29-03-2012 10:38 PM)Zephony Wrote:  
(29-03-2012 12:36 PM)AnotherSinner Wrote:  Anyone else here have REAL issues with self esteem?
Suggestions as to how to fix it?
Have been called a lot of things by people close to me...or really put down. Just want to know if anyone else here has had or perhaps has made a habit out of cutting, or causing bodily harm to themselves.
It is something I have dealt with and sometimes struggle not to do when I feel bad about myself.
Lately have really had issues with it too. Fellow believers...have implied that I am a liar, niave, imature, over emotional, and unstable....
I would appreciate any insight or experience had by any here. How did you develop a toughter skin? How did you cope?
Thoughts....?

I've been suffering with self-esteem as well. Some days I feel great about myself, while other days I just hide from the world in my room. It has been getting better, but it's obviously not something that can be fixed overnight. It can take months, or in my case, years to completely overcome it. I can't speak to cutting, but I hope my experiences can give you insights on how you might be able to cope and eventually overcome it.

As with any problem, the first step to correcting it is acknowledging and admitting that there is a problem. This can be the hardest step, but as evidenced by your post, you've already taken that first step and that's great! Several years back, my clique of close friends severely betrayed my trust and generosity, and I had to cut ties with them. Like you, these close friends of mine really put me down in all manners of ways. What has helped me was clinging to those two or three people that truly were my best friends. I had to learn the hard way that three amazing friends were better than a couple dozen good friends.

My one friend, Matt, has moved away and we can't afford to see each other much currently, but we try talking for at least 20 minutes or so once a day on the phone. I can vent to him about my problems, frustrations, or even talk about nothing and just talk bullshit. Another friend, Vince, who still lives in town, is who I go out on the town with. We go to our favorite bar in town, get good and buzzed, relax, and occasionally he helps me meet the ladies and I help him meet other gentlemen, not for any kind of one night stand, but just to meet new people. Sometime we just drink at his place, and then later in the night he takes me out dancing just to relieve some stress. Hell, it's even great just to go to his house for no other reason than to get out of my own even if we decide not to drink that night. The point of this being, lean on those who you know won't let you fall.

As germanyt said, picking up a few hobbies can really help. I enjoy watching a great movie that draws me into another world. A few of my favorites you might like are What Dreams May Come, Gattaca, and Reign Over Me. Along the same lines, I enjoy playing video games with great stories I get lost in (Knights of the Old Republic, Mass Effect, and Chrono Trigger). And lastly, there's nothing like just relaxing to a favorite music album. There's nothing as entrancing as Santana's Supernatural, Jeff Beck in Exhaust Note, or any and everything Stevie Ray Vaughan. As you mention writing a book is great. Anything that can take your mind off the day to day treadmill should never be undervalued.

On the subject of professional help, while I've never been to see a therapist, I agree with the others that it could help. My previously mentioned friend Matt just started seeing one. He couldn't stress enough how freeing is it for him to talk to her about any and everything. Just talking to someone outside of the situation has been great he says, and I can understand how that would be so. While it's not exactly the same, you could consider posting here on this forum a form of group therapy. While I haven't been here long everyone seems to be very excepting, understand, and in a community even of this size, there'll be at least one person who has gone through or is going through the same situation.

I have no idea how this post became so large, but to reiterate my points: Friends! Those special select few who'll stand with you no matter what. Hobbies. Reading, writing, listening, watching, exercising, playing, any combination of or all of the above. And help from the community. Be it a professional therapist, a group therapy session, or even heathens on a forum!

I hope you can find at least one small nugget of wisdom in this wall of text.

-Jay

I loved the film "What Dreams May Come" was that not made after...or about the poem or writting "Dante's Inferno?" Either way....I have really been taking in a lot of what all of you have been saying. The one thing that always makes me feel great and takes me away from my stress, if not, lets me release it all is my writing. There is so much I can do with a book after all that I do not have the power to do in reality. There are thoughts I can convey that might otherwise be deamed as offensive if out in the open that I just spill out on pages.
Ah the joys of the world of dragons, knights, mages, and more!
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30-03-2012, 11:13 AM
RE: Self Esteem Issues
I used to have self-esteem issues, then I became the soulless minion of Gwyneth Paltrow... careful what you wish for, old wisdom states. Wink

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