Self-Harm
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13-01-2013, 09:47 AM
RE: Self-Harm
(07-01-2013 12:52 PM)Chas Wrote:  
(07-01-2013 12:48 PM)legendoflink Wrote:  Ok so yesterday things got bad again.
I came home to trouble and got beat to a pulp.. Then everyone left the house, leaving me home alone with nothing but suicide and cutting on my mind. I cut again and also drank my pain away.

I need help.
I wish that my parents could see that..

Anyways, three days until my appointment so we'll see how it goes.
I suggest urge you to go to the police.
I agree with Chas.

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13-01-2013, 05:09 PM (This post was last modified: 13-01-2013 05:14 PM by Logica Humano.)
RE: Self-Harm
(11-01-2013 12:20 PM)legendoflink Wrote:  Yesterday, I went to visit Mrs. Dutch as planned.
She wasn't there, so she had Mr. Thorn fill in for her.
Honestly, with her not even showing up the first day, it frustrated me.
Though I have had male counselors in the past, I didn't feel comfortable talking to one.
I was quiet through most of the conversations, definitely when he had asked me straight-up about my sex life. I had admitted to him that I am extremely terrified of men. I've had past experiences with men that have honestly scarred me. After that conversation of telling him about my first "sex" experience, I broke down.
I told him just about everything (everything that wouldn't require legal actions).
I felt a bit better until I got home.

I checked my Facebook only to hear that rumors are being spread about me, around the school.
That I had sex with "Bob".
They continued on to tell me that a lot of people are convinced that I'm a whore and others have been telling my boyfriend that I've been cheating.
I cut.
A lot.
I didn't know what else to do.

But I go back to see the counselor next Thursday..
and this time I'm requesting Mr. Thorn.
But does cutting or suicide change the problems you face? Does it deter petulant little shits from fabricating rumors about you? Does it repair your home environment? I think not. Why should you let others deprive you of an anxiety and depression-free life? Fight back with the therapy (it can be a powerful weapon)! I would like to tell you that a creative action is what is required to fix this problem, not a destructive one, but I am sure you are well aware of that. My only advice is to continue the visits with the counselor, and if matters get worse you should start thinking about hospitalization (I know it is a large/expensive step, but if you feel it is necessary you should do it).

(11-01-2013 12:30 PM)legendoflink Wrote:  I will admit, accepting the help from a male was extremely difficult.
I felt like he was either going to hit me or touch me disrespectfully.
Men honestly scare the shit out of me.

But thank you for having hope in me.
Hm, why would I scare the shit out of you? Consider

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13-01-2013, 06:51 PM
RE: Self-Harm
(11-01-2013 12:30 PM)legendoflink Wrote:  Men honestly scare the shit out of me.

Well, women scare the shit out of me... so, snap! Smile

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13-01-2013, 09:49 PM
RE: Self-Harm
I was raped about three years ago so every since then I've feared men.

"You don't disappoint me.... I think your much braver than you may believe."
bemore

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13-01-2013, 11:29 PM
RE: Self-Harm
(13-01-2013 09:49 PM)legendoflink Wrote:  I was raped about three years ago so every since then I've feared men.

Sorry Legend Sad

OTOH, you're amazing - you were strong enough to say this publicly Smile You will be a great person one day. Some day soon I think. Maybe even already now, you're touching people's lives. Can you imagine what another rape survivor reading this thinks ? I'll tell you what they think: I'm not alone. That could be all they need to feel in order to start healing.
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14-01-2013, 02:00 AM
RE: Self-Harm
First of all, I want to say how sorry I am for what has been done to you. No child deserves to be harmed. As for your therapist, while I agree that it is very important that you see one, you should also be aware that you are the customer in that relationship. It is a voluntary relationship wherein the goal of the therapist is to meet your needs. If you are not comfortable talking to a male, then by all means make your preference known. If the therapist you're currently seeing can't ensure that you will always be able to talk to a female, then she isn't the right therapist for you and you have every right to find another.

I understand how difficult it is to think about the changes you would face in the event that you make all of your abuse known but it is very important that you not be in a position that you could suffer further abuse and from what I've read so far, the danger you face is from within your family so getting away from them is paramount to your healing. You are under no obligation to protect your abusers, even if they are your parents. Parents are only people and when they do not fulfill their obligations to your safety, health and well being, you are under no more obligation to them than you are to a therapist who doesn't do what she says.

When a person is facing an addiction, it is important that they stop the behavior they have a problem with before they can begin to heal through therapy. In fact, most therapists will refuse to treat a person who continues their addiction and your case is no different. You need to be away from what causes your self abuse before you can heal from it. Staying in that environment will only serve to trigger the fears that cause your self abuse.

You've asked if there's anything you can do yourself and my answer is yes, there is. You can remove yourself from the source of your pain. You are the victim, not the perpetrator and whoever has harmed you made that choice of their own volition, so whatever happens to them as a result of your protecting yourself from harm is merely the result of a chain of events they chose to invoke.

Do you have an understanding of the mechanics of self-abuse? If so, would you mind sharing your thoughts on why you cut?
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14-01-2013, 07:07 AM
RE: Self-Harm
(13-01-2013 09:49 PM)legendoflink Wrote:  I was raped about three years ago so every since then I've feared men.
Oh, sweetheart No

Geez, kid, breaks my heart.... I'm so so sorry Hug

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14-01-2013, 12:14 PM
RE: Self-Harm
I cut because honestly I feel as if I deserve the pain for everything: the mistakes, my problems, my fears, my stupidity. I just cut because I feel like it's my only "escape" plan. And when I don't cut, I crave it.

"You don't disappoint me.... I think your much braver than you may believe."
bemore

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14-01-2013, 12:24 PM
RE: Self-Harm
So I go and see Mr. Thorn again on Thursday and I actually say that I'm excited.
I had a great weekend with only a few minor problems, but so far I'm happy this week.
ERG I GET BRACES TOMORROW YOU GUYS
Let's just hope that I don't get hate from people at school.
(I also dyed my hair blonde, but people actually seem to like it.)

Just thought I'd update you all and let you know that all is well at the moment.

"You don't disappoint me.... I think your much braver than you may believe."
bemore

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14-01-2013, 01:57 PM
RE: Self-Harm
(14-01-2013 12:14 PM)legendoflink Wrote:  I cut because honestly I feel as if I deserve the pain for everything: the mistakes, my problems, my fears, my stupidity. I just cut because I feel like it's my only "escape" plan. And when I don't cut, I crave it.
My son is 26 years old. If I had crushed his feet when he was three, would it be fair to blame him, at age sixteen, for not being able to run or participate in other "normal" activities?

I said it earlier and I want to repeat it because it is incredibly important that you understand.... no child deserves to be harmed.

Let's address your complaints against yourself:

Mistakes: Everyone makes them... every day. If you deserve harm for mistakes, so does everyone else... including your parents.
Problems: If I get mugged, I have a problem but that doesn't mean I created the problem. You didn't create yours.
Fears: Fear is a natural, healthy human emotion that seeks to protect us from future harm. You have been harmed and your fear is there to help you avoid it in the future.
Stupidity: I haven't experienced any sign of stupidity from you and from what I've read, others see no signs. If you've been told you're stupid, that doesn't make it so.


I do understand that you feel the way you do and I know that you will continue to feel that way for a long while. For now, it is important to remember what's been said above and by other helpful posters here. You aren't the problem and you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.
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