Sex and guilt
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03-06-2012, 12:59 PM
Sex and guilt
What are your thoughts about cheating and casual sex.

I ask this question because I am a 21 year old guy who hasn't had sex, unless we count masturbation Blush, but has had numerous opportunities to go on with it because every time I feel that somehow I need to know the person I am with better. At some point with some girl who is engaged, I told myself I shouldn't care but I couldn't go on with it because I felt really guilty about the whole thing, so ended up turning her down.
On the other hand, letting go of this chances is kinda screwing up my self esteem cause it seems I don't have balls, and I am tired of masturbating... Weeping

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03-06-2012, 01:12 PM
RE: Sex and guilt
(03-06-2012 12:59 PM)VrGin Wrote:  What are your thoughts about cheating and casual sex.

I ask this question because I am a 21 year old guy who hasn't had sex, unless we count masturbation Blush, but has had numerous opportunities to go on with it because every time I feel that somehow I need to know the person I am with better. At some point with some girl who is engaged, I told myself I shouldn't care but I couldn't go on with it because I felt really guilty about the whole thing, so ended up turning her down.
On the other hand, letting go of this chances is kinda screwing up my self esteem cause it seems I don't have balls, and I am tired of masturbating... Weeping
Guilt isn't inherent in sex, so where is your guilt coming from? And is it really guilt or just shyness or fear?

The negative feelings have been imposed on you by others. Find a way to let them go.

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
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03-06-2012, 01:14 PM
RE: Sex and guilt
I think you need to break that into two separate issues because it is.

Cheating means that at least one partner is breaking a promise to another person. At that point, other people can be affected by those actions.

Casual sex between two consenting adults who are free to make that choice is a different thing altogether.

If you feel that sex shouldn't be 'casual' then you probably are going to experience some guilt over it.

Sounds like you had an opportunity to have sex with someone who was engaged, which implies they had made a promise to that person to be only with them. You were the person with more class in that situation since you stepped away.

See here they are, the bruises, some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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03-06-2012, 02:40 PM
RE: Sex and guilt
(03-06-2012 12:59 PM)VrGin Wrote:  What are your thoughts about cheating and casual sex.

I ask this question because I am a 21 year old guy who hasn't had sex, unless we count masturbation Blush, but has had numerous opportunities to go on with it because every time I feel that somehow I need to know the person I am with better. At some point with some girl who is engaged, I told myself I shouldn't care but I couldn't go on with it because I felt really guilty about the whole thing, so ended up turning her down.
On the other hand, letting go of this chances is kinda screwing up my self esteem cause it seems I don't have balls, and I am tired of masturbating... Weeping
There's a big difference between cheating and casual sex.

Cheating itself has a negative feeling in people, although with sex it can be one of two things. One you might wonder what you'd feel like if the person you were with cheated on you--but in any event, when someone cheats, not only do you figure that person will cheat on you (if they ever switched to you), but you know they could be hurting someone else. Indirectly you are hurting another person you don't even know, just for your own pleasure.

Now with casual sex, hey do whatever. Experiment, sleep around (safely!), have ten+ people every day for a week.... A person can have sex with anyone, the catch is whether you are mentally able to have sexual relationships with someone without any attachment. I don't even have anything against people with open (swinging) marriages--as long as the BOTH agree! Because, well, if they don't it's cheating. And I've known people who have cheated on their partner.

If you want a relationship where sex is something meaningful (i.e. you're not sleeping around), nothing wrong with that either. For the longest time I wasn't going to have sex until I was married (and not for religious reasons either!) Let's just say that didn't happen.... although the my first was with a woman I would've married... she just didn't feel the same way. And I can say it is VERY important to know why you have sex, as it does release certain chemicals in the brain (if I remember right... bonding chemicals of a sort to make relationships or something... have to look it up). If you want a relationship, and the other doesn't... you'd be better off (possibly) being with someone who wants a relationship even if it fails, than someone who expects something different.

One guy I knew was dating one woman exclusively, engaged to another, knocked up a third, and had one or two other women he did whenever he wanted a little something extra--he said it was just casual sex and didn't mean anything.... yet the women he was with had something else in mind (he broke a promise to them basically).
Now I mentioned that because the woman he was dating "exclusively" and I did kind of have a few intimate things go on (intentionally, and I had absolutely no problem with it because, well, she wasn't in an exclusive relationship, and by her "cheating" she really wasn't...) But still...
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03-06-2012, 02:44 PM
RE: Sex and guilt
(03-06-2012 12:59 PM)VrGin Wrote:  What are your thoughts about cheating and casual sex.

I ask this question because I am a 21 year old guy who hasn't had sex, unless we count masturbation Blush, but has had numerous opportunities to go on with it because every time I feel that somehow I need to know the person I am with better. At some point with some girl who is engaged, I told myself I shouldn't care but I couldn't go on with it because I felt really guilty about the whole thing, so ended up turning her down.
On the other hand, letting go of this chances is kinda screwing up my self esteem cause it seems I don't have balls, and I am tired of masturbating... Weeping
Anjele is right (as always).

I can't help wondering how masturbation without balls is possible... and isn't it supposed you make you tired.

I have only one rule that I never break (knowingly): Don't touch or lead astray any lassie who has a "contract" (verbal or written) with another party. So, I applaud your noble-ness.

Other than that ... go for it whenever you can... get in touch with your inner ape!

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03-06-2012, 04:20 PM
RE: Sex and guilt
Just make sure your inner ape wears a condom Wink

Also don't worry about the not having sex deal - you'll get some eventually, there's plenty of time.
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03-06-2012, 05:18 PM
RE: Sex and guilt
(03-06-2012 02:44 PM)DLJ Wrote:  
(03-06-2012 12:59 PM)VrGin Wrote:  What are your thoughts about cheating and casual sex.

I ask this question because I am a 21 year old guy who hasn't had sex, unless we count masturbation Blush, but has had numerous opportunities to go on with it because every time I feel that somehow I need to know the person I am with better. At some point with some girl who is engaged, I told myself I shouldn't care but I couldn't go on with it because I felt really guilty about the whole thing, so ended up turning her down.
On the other hand, letting go of this chances is kinda screwing up my self esteem cause it seems I don't have balls, and I am tired of masturbating... Weeping
Anjele is right (as always).

I can't help wondering how masturbation without balls is possible... and isn't it supposed you make you tired.

I have only one rule that I never break (knowingly): Don't touch or lead astray any lassie who has a "contract" (verbal or written) with another party. So, I applaud your noble-ness.

Other than that ... go for it whenever you can... get in touch with your inner ape!
Thanks! May I have your permission to send this to my kids...for once I have written verification! They seem not to be convinced. Tongue

See here they are, the bruises, some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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03-06-2012, 05:42 PM
RE: Sex and guilt
(03-06-2012 02:44 PM)DLJ Wrote:  I can't help wondering how masturbation without balls is possible...

Oh it's possible mister. Our technology is strong. Wink

I am us and we is me. ... bitches.
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03-06-2012, 06:39 PM
RE: Sex and guilt
I like you, VrGin. You have morals and you definitely did the right thing.

You'll know the right time when it comes along and it will happen, don't worry Sleepy You are young and have plenty of time.

Humankind Dodgy (a total misnomer)
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03-06-2012, 07:52 PM
RE: Sex and guilt
Sex with tied up or married women can result in ongoing suffering for yourself and aligned parties, irrespective of all the cheating strategies, and possibly for a long time. Stick to the hand trolley till you find a free and compatible spirit with whom you can share your sexuality as well as a sense of peace of mind.
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