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02-07-2012, 04:10 PM
RE: The Joke Thread
(02-07-2012 01:45 PM)kim Wrote:  Historically, the first testicular guard, the "Cup", was invented in 1874, to provide comfort and support for bicyclists riding the cobblestone streets of Boston.
The first sports helmet was invented in 1893, to provide protection for football players, though most of the games until 1915 were played without helmets.
That means it only took 19 years for men to realize their brains might also be important.
When we aren't thinking with our penises, we're thinking about them.

[Image: StarkLord01.gif]
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06-07-2012, 12:49 PM
RE: The Joke Thread
Breaking news:

On board the Pastafarian pirate ship, they have discovered Higgs the Bosun. He had been paralytically pissed in the bilges for the last 37 years.

On the great plains, scientists have discovered a Hogg's Bison, previously thought to be extinct since 1887.

In Salem, archaeologists have dug up a hag's besom, buried at the time of the witch trials.

Eternal happiness is rhubarb tart. - John Cleese
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06-07-2012, 12:53 PM
RE: The Joke Thread
A Higgs boson walks into a Catholic cathedral. One of the parishioners notices him and turns the priest and says, "Why did you let him come in here?" The priest shrugs his shoulders and says, "We can't have mass without him."

Eternal happiness is rhubarb tart. - John Cleese
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07-07-2012, 04:55 PM
RE: The Joke Thread
Why do farts smell???

So deaf people can appreciate them as well Big Grin

You're never going to say the things you want to say.
The things you want to change will usually stay that way
The promises you break outweigh the ones you keep.
Paint upon the wall for the hundredth time.

Jesus Jones
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08-07-2012, 02:40 AM
RE: The Joke Thread
(07-07-2012 04:55 PM)bemore Wrote:  Why do farts smell???

So deaf people can appreciate them as well Big Grin
Yes, our Noodly Creator the FSM was very thoughtful about that. He also caused turds to be tapered at the ends so that one's arse doesn't close with a bang.

Eternal happiness is rhubarb tart. - John Cleese
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08-07-2012, 05:12 PM
RE: The Joke Thread
A group of
bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a
girl about to jump off a
Peoria bridge, so they stopped.

The Harley leader, George, a big burly
man of 53, gets off his bike,
walks through the gawkers, past the State
Trooper, and says, "What are
you doing?"

"I'm going to commit
suicide," she says.

While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," he
didn't want to miss a
be-a-legend opportunity either so he asked ... "Well,
before you jump,
why don't you give me a kiss?"

So, with no
hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did
just that ... and
it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed
immediately by another
one.

After she's finished, George gets approval from his group,
the
onlookers, and even the State Trooper, then says, "Wow!

George
says "That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a
real talent you
are wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you
rode with me. Why are
you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a
girl"

The onlookers are still unclear whether she jumped or was
pushed!





Humankind Dodgy (a total misnomer)
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09-07-2012, 10:25 PM
RE: The Joke Thread
Got home late again the other night
and my wife left me a message
in the kitchen but she didn't write a word...

[Image: banananapples.jpg]

I don't come home late any more.

Humankind Dodgy (a total misnomer)
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09-07-2012, 10:48 PM
RE: The Joke Thread
(from my 4 year old next door neighbor)

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back ?
A stick. Weeping

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein Certified Ancient Astronaut Theorist
The noblest of the dogs is the hot dog. It feeds the hand that bites it.
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11-07-2012, 06:31 PM
RE: The Joke Thread
[Image: schnauzer.jpg]

My wife found out that our dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it
to the veterinarian.

The vet found that the problem was hair in the
dog's ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine.

The
vet then proceeded to tell Andrea that, if she wanted to keep this from
recurring, she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub
it in the dog's ears once a month.
Andrea went to the store and bought some
"Nair" hair remover

At the register, the pharmacist told her, "If
you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."

Andrea said, "I'm not using it under my arms."
The pharmacist said, "If
you're using it on your legs, don't use body lotion for a couple of days."

Andrea replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm
using it on my Schnauzer."
The pharmacist says, "Well, stay off your bicycle
for about a week."

Humankind Dodgy (a total misnomer)
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17-07-2012, 08:55 PM
RE: The Joke Thread
[Image: Thewine.jpg]

[Image: sarcasm.jpg]
[Image: growdope.jpg]

Oooooh, that last one's gotta hurt!

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