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13-02-2014, 02:10 PM
RE: Share A Joke
Terrible joke time!

What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Dam.

Why do orphans make terrible baseball players?
They don't know where home is.

I heard the Boston Marathon was really fun...
Everyone told me they had a blast.

Did you hear about the guy with no penis who ejaculated?
He just came out of nowhere.

Atir aissom atir imon
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13-02-2014, 02:24 PM
RE: Share A Joke
A guy walks into a bar ... ouch.

Truth seeker.
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13-02-2014, 03:45 PM
RE: Share A Joke
A why did the road cross the chicken?

To get to the other front door. By the way, the chicken was buried alive.
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13-02-2014, 10:13 PM
RE: Share A Joke
[Image: naturwissenschaften_o_2825999.webp]

(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense
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05-03-2014, 06:01 AM
RE: Share A Joke
A guy walked into a crowded bar, waving his model 1911 Colt .45 caliber pistol with an 8 round magazine, and yelled, "Who in here has been messing with my wife?"

A voice from the back of the bar yelled back, "You need more ammo."

Big Grin

If bullshit were music some people would be a brass band.
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05-03-2014, 06:02 AM
RE: Share A Joke
A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.

The store clerks called an ambulance when they saw him collapse to the floor.

The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency, Open heart bypass surgery.

He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard Loaded with several forms, and a pen.

She asked him how he was going to Pay for his treatment.

"Do you have health insurance?" she asked.

He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."

The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"

He replied, "No money in the bank."

Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the Irritated nun.

He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun."

The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters!

Nuns are married to God."

The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."

If bullshit were music some people would be a brass band.
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05-03-2014, 06:07 AM
RE: Share A Joke
MEN DO REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES~!

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night?'

The husband looks up from his coffee, 'I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?' he says solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.

'Yes, I do' she replies.

The husband pauses.. The words were not coming easily.

'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'

'Yes, I remember!' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'

'I remember that too' she replies softly..

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says...

'I would have been released today.

If bullshit were music some people would be a brass band.
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05-03-2014, 06:10 AM
RE: Share A Joke
Calvin Rickson, an engineer from Texas A&M University, has designed a bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling, bouncing up and down, and stops their nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.

After a news conference announcing the invention, a group of men took Mr. Rickson outside and kicked the shit out of him.

Laugh out load Laugh out load Laugh out load

If bullshit were music some people would be a brass band.
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05-03-2014, 06:11 AM
RE: Share A Joke
A woman confided to her therapist the her husbands temper was beginning to scare her. "He gets so mad that I'm not sure what he will do next." The therapist told her, "Try taking a sip of water and just hold it in your mouth, swishing it around and around but do not swallow it until he either calms down, or leaves the room." The woman returns a month later and tells the therapist, "Wow! that water trick really works, it's like the water is magic." The therapist says, "No, it just makes sure that you keep your mouth shut and don't make things worse by opening it."

If bullshit were music some people would be a brass band.
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05-03-2014, 06:15 AM
RE: Share A Joke
An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young Men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects.

1 . A Bible.....?

2. A silver dollar.....?

3. A bottle of whisky.....?

4. And a Playboy magazine.....?

'I'll just hide behind the door,' the old preacher said to himself. 'When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he picks up.

If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a
blessing that would be!
If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too.

But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be.

And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a
skirt-chasing womanizer.'

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room..

The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table..

With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired this month's centerfold.

'Lord have mercy,' the old preacher disgustedly whispered.
'He's gonna run for Congress.'

If bullshit were music some people would be a brass band.
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