Share A Joke
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 1 Votes - 5 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
24-05-2014, 10:58 AM
RE: Share A Joke
Here's one my grandmother told me years ago.
A couple where at the airport in line to buy tickets for a vacation. They hadn't decided where to go and they were discussing it. The husband said "let's go to Rome."
The wife answered "no, there are too many Catholics there"
"How about Dublin?" He asked
"Too many Catholics there." She said
The nun standing behind them interrupted with
"Why don't you go to hell. There are no Catholics there."
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Drunkin Druid's post
24-05-2014, 11:59 AM
RE: Share A Joke
The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like Ferdinand's post
24-05-2014, 05:06 PM
RE: Share A Joke
How does NASA organize a party?

They planet

Facepalm

"I feel as though the camera is almost a kind of voyeur in Mr. Beans life, and you just watch this bizarre man going about his life in the way that he wants to."

-Rowan Atkinson
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Can_of_Beans's post
24-05-2014, 05:08 PM
RE: Share A Joke
A woman goes to the doctor and finds out she only has one month to live. This naturally makes her very sad, and she asks if there is anything she can do.

The doctor thinks a minute and says, "Well...you could marry an accountant." She responds "Really? Will that help me live longer?"

"No, but it will seem longer."

"I feel as though the camera is almost a kind of voyeur in Mr. Beans life, and you just watch this bizarre man going about his life in the way that he wants to."

-Rowan Atkinson
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Can_of_Beans's post
24-05-2014, 05:11 PM
RE: Share A Joke
A group of friars opened a flower shop to help with their belfry payments. Everyone liked to buy flowers from the Men of God, so their business flourished. A rival florist became upset that his business was suffering because people felt compelled to buy from the Friars, so he asked the Friars to cut back hours or close down. The Friars refused. The florist went to them and begged that they shut down. Again, they refused. Therefore, the florist hired Hugh McTaggert, the biggest meanest thug in town. He went to the Friars' shop, beat them up, destroyed their flowers, trashed their shop, and said that if they did not close, he would be back. Well, very terrified, the Friars closed up shop and hid in their rooms. This proved that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

"I feel as though the camera is almost a kind of voyeur in Mr. Beans life, and you just watch this bizarre man going about his life in the way that he wants to."

-Rowan Atkinson
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Can_of_Beans's post
24-05-2014, 09:58 PM
RE: Share A Joke
a study in 2012 asked teens how much time they spent on twitter and the most common answer was 3 hours a day. the same study was conducted in 1955 and the most common answer was “what”
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Ferdinand's post
27-05-2014, 09:02 PM
RE: Share A Joke
Careful, the water’s a bit nippy today.

[Image: tumblr_myr1ccWJJM1qz6f9yo1_500.jpg]
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Ferdinand's post
28-05-2014, 12:37 AM
RE: Share A Joke
Four nuns die in a car crash and arrive at the pearly gates. St. Peter tells them to confess their sins and he will determine if they can enter. The first nun says "I confess that I have seen a man's penis". St. Peter says "that's no big deal. Just splash some holy water on your eyes and enter!" The second nun says "I confess I have touched a man's penis". St. Peter says "well that's a little more serious, but no problem. Stick you finger in the holy water and enter". Suddenly, the fourth nun shoves the third nun aside and says "St Peter, please! Let me gargle that holy water before SHE sticks her ass in it!"
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like beeglez's post
28-05-2014, 12:44 AM
RE: Share A Joke
Three nuns die in a plane crash and arrive at the pearly gates. God greets them and says "in order to enter, you must each answer one question. If you are correct, the lights will flash and the gates will open" He asks the first nun "who is the first man I created?" The nun said "Adam!" and the lights flashed and the gates opened. He asked the second nun "who is the first woman I created?" She replied "Eve!" and the lights flashed and the gates opened. He asked the third nun "What is the first thing Eve said when she saw Adam?" The nun thought for a minute and mumbled "Wow. That's a hard one" and the lights flashed and the gate opened!
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes beeglez's post
28-05-2014, 03:07 PM
RE: Share A Joke
Perfect example for beer, by Cliff Claven on Cheers;

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members! ; In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine! That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

If bullshit were music some people would be a brass band.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like War Horse's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: