Share A Joke

[aurora]

Three men, a Canadian farmer, an Arab terrorist and an
American Biker are all walking together one day. They come
across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. 'I will give each
of you one wish, which is three wishes in total' , says the
Genie..
The Canadian says, 'I am a farmer and my son will also
farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada '
POOF! With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada
was forever fertile for farming.
The Arab terrorist was amazed, so he said, 'I want a wall
around Afghanistan , Iraq and Iran so that no infidels,
Americans or Canadians can come into our precious land .'
POOF! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a
huge wall around those countries.
The Biker says, 'I am very curious. Please tell me more
about this wall.'
The Genie explains, 'Well, it's about 5,000 feet high, 500
feet thick and completely surrounds the countries.
Nothing can get in or out; it's virtually impenetrable. '
The Biker sits down on his Harley, cracks a beer,
lights a cigar, smiles and says,
'Fill it with water.'

[FSM_scot]

Did you hear why Justin Bieber vomited on stage during his concert?
His earplugs fell out.

I was watching Jurassic park the other day, when I thought, "Not only does my son have a stupid name, but he's also a shit driver".

Before the Americans lost the Ryder Cup many were claiming an early victory.
It's a shame they're no good at irony. Or puttery, or drivery.

[cufflink]

The great god Thor is feeling horny. So he assumes human form as a tall, dark and handsome man with a gigantic endowment, and comes down to earth to find a lady. He locates a gorgeous young thing and quickly seduces her. She takes him to her place, and they make energetic love, non-stop, all night long. By morning, when he says goodbye, she’s completely exhausted.

Back in his heavenly abode, Thor regrets he didn’t reveal himself to the young woman. She deserves to have the honor of knowing she was actually ravished by a god. So he comes back to earth and finds her.

He says, “Hello again. I wanted to let you know that . . . I AM THOR.”

“YOU’RE thore?” she says. “I’M tho thore I can’t even PITH!”


[Rimshot, please.]

[FSM_scot]

For our chemistry exam we had to write a thousand words on acid.

Unfortunately my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted.

[Bucky Ball]

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Islam.
Islam who ?
Islam the door on you.
(thanks to depat). ...perfect kid joke.

[FSM_scot]

I just found the best way to keep Jehovah's Witnesses from knocking on my door every Saturday morning:

Friday night, before I go to bed, I draw a chalk outline of a human body on my front porch and I throw a few religious pamphlets nearby....

...I can sleep until noon if I want to!

[cheapthrillseaker]

I fucking hate Jehovah's Witnesses.

I saw two men in black suits knocking on my door so I microwaved my hard drive.

[FSM_scot]

According to an article in today's Daily Mail about personal hygiene, most people have detectable amounts of shit on their hands at any given time.

Nonsense, I thought.

Then I realised it was probably true, as I'd just been holding a copy of the Daily Mail.

[frankiej]

Where is the safest place in your house to hide from a zombie?



The living room.

[Dark Light]

"I before E, except after C" proven wrong by SCIENCE!